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I think I messed up a good thing..

E

eq2Kazial

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Hey everyone,

I just wanted some other people's opinions to help solidify my own.

The guy I've been dating for two months (we've verbally solidified that we're dating and exclusive, but not more than that yet) and I went out last Friday. We went to a concert at a local college and then met some of his friends out at the club. He was in one of his non-touchy-feel moods (while I hate to use the term he is very "masculine" and only likes to be affectionate at home most of the time) but we still had a really good time, we both had drinks and we're enjoying ourselves.

At different points we had two different guys come up and ask if we were together or single, since they thought we were both cute and etc. (you know how that goes). Peculiarly my guy immediately said we were "together" and not interested and I was pretty flattered. However I could understand why people couldn't tell we were together since we never touched or kissed etc., we probably just looked like two really good friends.

Anyway, a little later two other guys joined us and his friends. One of them was eying me pretty intently but I didn't think anything of it. Maybe an hour later though this kid comes up to my guy and my guy tells me they'll be right back. I watch as they go a little ways away and proceed to talk, whispering in each other's ears because the music is so loud. Then they both proceeded to another room entirely.

Now, I've had crap like this happen before with guys I've dated. We go to the club and they start making out with other guys, and being drunk this is immediately where I went in my head. However I wanted to make sure so I also walked into the other room where the kid is sitting and still whispering in my guy's ear. I walk straight up to them and introduce myself. My guy turns to me and says "he's really drunk, I'm trying to let him down easy but he's not letting up." I said okay and walked back to where his other friends were in the other room. A few minutes later my guy returns and says I know you're mad at me and you have every right to be. I told him it was fine, if he wanted I could find my own way home and he said no let's leave. Of course it was a very awkward ride home, we didn't really talk. Once we were back to his place he told me he didn't want me to drive home since I was still drunk and I told him the main thing that bothered me was why did he even go off with this kid in the first place? He had no problem turning down other people earlier in the night, but he went to a completely separate room with this one. He repeated that he was just trying to let the kid down easy, he was trying not to hurt him or me but ended up hurting me anyway. He said he didn't think it was a big deal, he apologized to me, said he didn't know what else I wanted from him and to let it go. He also said he really likes me and spending time with me and he's glad that what we have is not all about sex, but he doesn't want me moving in or anything. I said I had no desire to move in either, I just wanted to know his reasons for not turning this guy down immediately.

Now it's been four days and we've only barely texted each other, I've been going crazy missing him and worrying that I ruined what was a good potential relationship. I had decided the next time I see him in person to apologize for my behavior and that it was my own insecurities that got the better of me. But what do you guys think? Do I have reason to be suspicious, or should I take him at his word that he was just trying to be nice, apologize to him and put this behind us?

Thanks for reading.
 
Possessiveness and jealously are always a problem. Too much hounding could drive him away, but if you have a genuine relationship developing then you will be able to survive this.
Talk about it and understand eachothers point of view then try to develop trust.......
 
I don't buy his story about letting the other guy down easily.
 
I have no doubt that with a little TLC this will work out fine. I'll say though that I reckon your reaction was overkill. Even if it's happened to you before with other guys, it's no excuse to assume this guy is going to cheat by just walking into another room. It may be that he wanted to shield you from the drunk guy, so you didn't have to get involved or deal with it.

At this stage, it really pays to trust. Getting anxious when you really don't have any solid reason to will only complicate things.

My advice for the next few days, really try to act like it never happened. Being too suspicious and jealous may drive him away, as mentioned above. Play it cool and I bet this sort of thing won't happen again.
 
sixthson said:
I don't buy his story about letting the other guy down easily.
Click to expand...

My pessimistic side doesn't either, but I've never had a reason to not trust him until now so I'm leaning more to the "it's me, not him" scenario. And besides that the kid was from out of town and, while I'm not trying to be full of myself, I was much more attractive than he was so I really can't fathom a reason my guy would even entertain the idea of hooking up with him when he has me.

I have no doubt that with a little TLC this will work out fine. I'll say though that I reckon your reaction was overkill. Even if it's happened to you before with other guys, it's no excuse to assume this guy is going to cheat by just walking into another room. It may be that he wanted to shield you from the drunk guy, so you didn't have to get involved or deal with it.

At this stage, it really pays to trust. Getting anxious when you really don't have any solid reason to will only complicate things.

My advice for the next few days, really try to act like it never happened. Being too suspicious and jealous may drive him away, as mentioned above. Play it cool and I bet this sort of thing won't happen again.
Click to expand...

That's the strategy I've been taking. The few times we've texted have seemed normal (albeit just less than we usually do), we haven't talked about this at all since Friday night, and I called and talked to him today and we seemed fine minus having not seen each other since that night. I invited him out the past two nights but he was busy and he didn't ask to do anything tonight, so I figured I'll give him some more space and wait for him to make the next move. Hopefully I'll see him face to face again and can casually apologize and then move on.

Thanks again to those who've posted, if anyone has any other thoughts feel free to let me know.
 
I'm failing to see the passion here and I find that odd in a new relationship. I'm sensing he may be using you as an entree to gay life. Too masculine to act gay at a gay venue? Tell Mary to get over himself.
 
I`m not buying what he said either.But i`m not saying that he did something with the guy.Maybe he`s just one of those guys who likes being hit on and he tryin to make you jealous ?
Anywhooooo, I personally hate these mind games!
 
I don't understand why he needed to go into another room.


You handled it way better than I would have. Especially when you got back to his house and he threw in "We're not moving in together" where the fuck did that come from?


I'd tell him to get over himself and come up with a better excuse next time he wants to get a guy alone in a room.


If he fails to see why that ^^^ is sketch as all hell he has issues
 
eq2Kazial,

i'm going to go against the grain of advice so far, and tell you that it's your issue, not his. you've only been dating for a few weeks, not a few years. you don't know their history. after all he could have been having sex with this guy for a period of time before you two met.

and now, as most guys i know under the age of 30, you're reading non-existent 'messages' he isn't sending as you two carry on your normal conversations via txt and phone.

you don't own him. he doesn't own you. running into the other room to check up on him, and introducing yourself, when your new boyfriend obviously wasn't interested in doing, makes you look desperate, needy, and clingy. the number #1 reason i've dumped guys over the years before i found 'the one' was for high school drama, jealousy, clingy, type behavior.

you either trust this guy or you don't. i don't care about your baggage and neither should your new boyfriend have to about how many times you may have been cheated on, blah blah blah. i'm not trying to be mean, but those are the facts kiddo.

lighten up. let your relationship blossom from a place of trust instead of you trying to smother it, like a psychopathic nurse, cramming pillows over hospice patients faces, lusting after their dying gasps.
 
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