I think i rushed things.. (GAY GAY GAY)

[gdude30]

Yeah I will put that hear if I ever make a thread. The (GAY GAY GAY) means this has homosexual reference and viewer discretion is advised

Anyways ever since I turned 18 I changed alot. The minute I got back from the trip I decided to stop lurking and actually join sites since i was of age. JUB was one of the first sites I found and seemed like fun. At first I was so desperate to meet a guy and get fucked. Becuase I had been waiting for 4 years but I don't believe underage sex.

So yeah. Shortly after I got back I had no idea of what AIDS really was becuase i was taught that when I was young and never understood it anyways. So I was basically ready to rush out and have sex with any guy as long as they told me they diddn't have aids. That sure was stupid as hell. I am so happy most of the guys I was trying to meet up with at first never showed or never got on to plan confirm a meet becuase they would have taken advantage of me like hell. But after being rejected alot or stood up I learned more about aids, what guys can really do to a young naive boy like me, and other stuff.

I learned how young and naive I really was and I also learned how my horniness and hormones can really screw me over. But I met a nice guy on my first date ever and we had a great time and he took my virginity with my permission. Then the next date with another guy seemed empty becuase I liked the first date more.

And the guy one the first date told me he understands that I am young and that I should date other guys but he told me I need to be careful and that 99% of guys just want my ass and nothing else. I came back to him after the date with the second guy.

I told him how he was right and I got used and how most of the guys just want to use me. So we went on a second date and it was great. Then when I was in Kauai i missed him so much. I couldn't even have fun becuase I missed him so much. I was also horny like hell on the trip and sort of got seduced by a guy there. It was pretty harmless since it was just masturbation and sucking him off but I still felt guilty and called my bf immediantly to tell him what happened. He said it was okay and he understands. But when I told him more in depth on our third date he did tell me it seemed like I sort of cheated on him. And I apoligzed over and over again. I was amazed when I first told him he said how worried he was that I did it not so much angry.

The reason why he worries over me so much is becuase I am young and he's been around the block and nothing suprises him anymore. But he has told me part of his motives for telling me stuff is becuase he wants me to be with him. But he also wants me to be safe even if I'm not with him. He told me that.

Anyways I feel like I really rushed this. I went with him becuase of fear of the other guys out there and felt safe with him it's also the first time anyone has truly cared about me.

but as of last night I realized there are others and that I need to give people a chance. I have always trusted people but I hate it when they break that so it's hard for me to trust people and guys is even trickier.

But anyways lots of guys who aren't single or who have no interest in me and I talk to think that I really should go with an open relationship or talk to him or dump him.

i don't know which one. I really do like him and care about him but now that I know there are other guys out there I want to give him a chance.

I don't want to dump him because I don't want to hurt him.

I don't know what I should do. Me looking for gay friends somehow led to me meeting other guys who seem to really care about me and some who I have a crush on and others who i really like as friends. And all in a short time.

So what should I do?

 

[Providence]

Wow... that was a lot at once.

Anyways, always remember to use protection if you're having random sex.

I dont think you're sure of what you want yet since you've just recently started exploring your sexuality. I think you want to explore the sexual side more though, which is fine but remember what I said, always use protection.

Other than that, the person you're with right now seems to care a lot about you if he was willing to overlook you cheating on him. Unfortunately, it doesnt seem like you feel the same so please do him a favor and dont lead him on and if anything remain friends with him.

 

[bokan800]

Been there, still kinda there. I know that feeling when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.


If you think you're not going to have a long committed relationship with him then maybe you should tell him that all you can have for now is friendship. You don't have to dump him.


You're still young and even though he seems like a nice guy (based on your description) there will be times where it will be really hard times for him to accept. (Trust me)

 

[gdude30]

..Of course safe sex.

And random sex was only twice.

It's not only the sexual side. But I also kinda want to hang out with guys that are gay, maybe flirt with guys a little, tease, have fun, and all that stuff. But I also want to go to these pride events and be able to kinda check out other men. I have never been in an environment where everyone was gay. Even if me and jeff commit fully and I go to gay pride I will still be tempted by the men there and might want to flirt with them a little. Becuase I have never done these things.

I never let myself do these things in middle school or high school with girls or guys.

So now I don't want to settle down and pretty much be my bf's husband which it seems like we are married right now. i want to go out, have some fun, do some flirting, get to know some guys, make new friends, see who else is out there and if someone else is better for me and all that stuff.

I'm only 18.

But you are right. I don't want to forget or throw away my bf's kindness becuase it is his best trait. I don't care if he looked different I like him because he is kind, sweet, gentle, and caring. Even if he is kinda controling sometimes.

I don't want to do that. I want to tell him as soon as possible that we need to have an open relationship otherwise we are screwed. And tell him all the stuff that I thought of and the fact that I rushed.

Well yeah I sorta do want to play the field. I know that it's risky but I know more now then I did before and I think I've learned alot from this whole ordeal that's not ever yet. Although I still know there is much to learn.

That's what he and alot of guys did. When they were young they went out and had fun and now that he is older he wants to settle down. But the problem is I want to go around and have fun. I know. That's something that I have thought about.

I think that invetiabley the relationship will end. I will end up cheating on him and feeling so guilty I break up with him, or he breaks up with me, he will realize that I am not into settling down and dump me, or some other unknown factor.

I think that open relationship is the only thing that can be done. But I know he'd hate it. I don't know. i need to think some more. Fun.

 

[spreadeagle]

Okay - can you just clarify if you and the man you call your b/f - husband are actually living together?

You say he's been around the block and nothing will surprise him. It seems to me he has already suggested to you, that you are young and should be more experienced before committing to a relationship and is prepared for the possibility that you will split.

Get one thing straight right now - if you go through life making decisions based on your fear of hurting another person's feelings then you're condemning yourself to a life-time of misery.

At 18 you're still too immature to make rational judgements. I use the owrd 'immature' advisedly, not to be hurtful. Your brain is still not physiologically fully-developed, and your experience is too limited to be able to make comparative judgements or to predict likely outcomes of present actions. That is how and why young people end up being abused and hurt.

However, I do think that these are the years when you should be having a variety of fun and exciting experineces and relationships. Some of them will be scary and dangerous. The best I can ask of you is that you take some time to reflect on the experiences you have and consider the relationship between cause and effect. If you get drunk and wake up next to a smelly loser who wants bad sex - then that's cause and effect.

Your use of the b/f - husband terminology disturbs me. Your adolescent experimentation can be conducted more usefully from a neutral base - such as living at home with parents or sharing accomodation with friends. If you commit to this man now you'll probably take years to process the fact that you've missed out on your adolescence. If you live with him in an open relationship, you're opening up a can-of-worms full of recrimination, jealousy, bitterness and mistrust - even if unspoken.

You'd be better off taking a year or two apart. When you've got some experience under your belt (lol) you can return and say to him 'okay - now I'm ready' or 'Thanks, now I know you're not for me.' But you'll be making an informed decision - not one that's based on fear and insecurity.

 

[954dude]

My advice to you is to make better decisions. When it comes to relationships and sex, always think how your actions will affect you now and in the future. Don't feel obligated or committed to someone if you can't do it. Put yourself first and find a happy medium when it comes to thinking with your heart and mind.

 

[gdude30]

Okay it doesn't matter anymore. Thank you people for posting what you did but I ended it with him and that's that.

I called him today and told him that I want an open relationship to keep it going but he said he isn't into that. So we basically just decided we'll date other guys and might be friends or whatever but I doubt it.

Yup. Basically threw away a guy who loved me and cared about me all for some stupid shitty self finding of myself and wondering if there are others guys out there that are better and wanting to explore more out there.

I might never have a relationship as good as I did with him. I might never find love like I did with him. I might have just made the stupidest mistake of my life. i told myself I'd regret doing it before I did. I was right.

I just want to call him right now and tell him I made a stupid mistake and I love him and regret for even thinking of leaving him. But what's done is done. No sense on looking back or crying. After so many years looking for someone I found him and threw him away. All becuase I want to do some stupid dating and get out there and see the world. i almost say I'd rather be with him so I won't be alone. But oh well. I always knew things would be this way. I'll probably make lots of friends throughout my lifetime and see many things and have some laughs and some falls but all in all I probably won't be parterned with someone or if so it won't be for long. But that's okay.

I hope he finds a guy that was better then me. He deserves the best. So yeah now I'm basically back to square one. Single and gone to hell and back in a few weeks. I learned alot now and have alot more to think about so i can start anew. But I feel a little weaker and sadder now. But maybe this is better. I won't make stupid judgement now. If a guy is trying to trick me or use me I just won't put up with the shit. Before if the guy was really hot I would have told myself "He probably won't do anything bad". Fucking stupid of me.

Now I won't put up with any guys like that. I just don't have the time or patience for a fake guy. But I still don't know what the hell am I after.

Love, friendship, long term relationship, fuck buddy?

Ugh. Oh well. Things usually have a way of working themselves out. I should worry too much.

 

[954dude]

You seem extremely miserable and unhappy. This won't make the situation better. He's not the last guy on earth and the choice you made shouldn't have to be regrettable. Many things happen for the best whether he know it or not.

 

[rareboy]

Get one thing straight right now - if you go through life making decisions based on your fear of hurting another person's feelings then you're condemning yourself to a life-time of misery.

Yup.................

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm only 18.

Yup. Basically threw away a guy who loved me and cared about me all for some stupid shitty self finding of myself and wondering if there are others guys out there that are better and wanting to explore more out there.

These two quotes pretty much say it all.

When you're young, you make a lot of mistakes and do things that you regret later.

The best that you can do is learn from the mistakes.

 

[spreadeagle]

I think you made the right decision and no, you shouldn't worry too much.

If you save your post (above) and look at it in 5 or even 1 years time, I think you'll be amazed at what you've written and how your point of view has changed.