I think I'm in love.

[MadScientick]

So, I've accepted my bisexuality and have had relationships with females before even though I'm currently single. Have had only sex with males. But I've never felt love for another guy until now I think. Its weird.

I met this guy about 8 months ago. But before that I had checked him out a couple of times walking down the hallways. But we met randomly, he eventually became part of my circle of friends and now he's my best friend. He doesn't really know I'm bisexual (he's gay by the way) and 2 days ago he basically left without me after partying and left me behind at a friends house. We didn't have an argument. I just asked him to call me next time. And I literally became obsessed thinking about it. We were supposed to leave at 9 am back to the city we live at. We came to the capital to a concert but never went because it was sold-out so I asked him to drop me off at a friend's place and he decided and he went out to party with some of his girlfriends. After he finished, he headed to his house and left me! I called him at about 6 am because I wanted to make sure we were still finishing with our plans and he told me he was just passing the exit to my apartment. I literally felt my stomach implode. All I could say was "why didn't you call me?". He says he sent me a text message but I never received it. I was completely clueless. I didn't know what to do! It was Sunday, no public transportation to where we live, effectively leaving me stuck for another day.

I started to question friendship and whatnot, why he didn't call, why he hesitated to call (he said he didn't want to wake me up) and I began to feel sad. I spent all day dark and mushy, I went to a friend's house whom I hadn't seen in over a year and I couldn't find a way to make proper conversation (which got her pissed off by the way) and I began to realize that it's something similar to what I felt for a girl I dated once in high school that had me drooling over her every move! But I couldn't get myself to call him.

I eventually got back home today. Happened to catch him on AOL, and explained how he should have called since I had nowhere to stay or how to move around the area. He asked for forgiveness since he was a bit drunk and just had the impulse to drive back home(a 4 hour drive by the way), and........ I wasn't mad anymore. That simple. I was fine with everything. I spent all day thinking about how bad a friend he was, he said I'm sorry and a smile came back. And all of a sudden flowers popped everywhere... I felt happy!

I'm usually physically attracted to gay men. Never have I been completely obsessed with another guy like this. He thinks I'm straight. People usually think he's straight because he's basically a straight guy that likes dick and also happens to watch Bravo a lot. But from day one without knowing him I spotted him and I just knew he was gay. We've never had any sexual encounters since we have some mutual respect thing going on. I'm not his usual type, so he's never made any sexual offerings to me, although when he's drunk he goes out of his way to make sure I know he loves me and hugs me too often and actually cuddles me. Like this one night we were hanging out with a couple of friends sitting really close to each other basically whispering making fun of other people, and he ended the conversation with "I think I'm falling in love with you" pressed his head against my shoulder, and went to get another drink. And after 3 weeks of meeting him we went out to drink, he was drunk real quick since I have more resistance and left to gay club close by and came back just to hug me and say he loved me to then leave to his place. But he thinks I'm straight (I haven't done anything to have him believe I'm bisexual), and around him I act straight completely. I don't know what to think. And I don't even know if I should start a gay relationship right now. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 2 months ago (for stupid reasons) and really, the least thing I want on her mind is that I was cheating on her with my best friend... she knows I'm bisexual.

I think I'm falling in love again.... what do you guys think? Help a confused guy out here. :-/

 

[G-Lexington]

Your ex- is your ex-, and really has nothing to do with this. You've just developed feelings for this guy - that's all.

Tell him you're interested. It may be that he isn't interested in you, and you'll have to be prepared for that. But even if he isn't, I'm sure he'll be flattered rather than weirded out. And chances are good - once he knows you're both "on the team" and interested in playing - that he might decide he wants to play, too.

I say go for it.

Lex

 

[screwnutty]

you've gotten some great advice from the guys above...nothing really to add.

Good luck!

 

[MadScientick]

It's not that I'm not ready for a gay relationship. I never thought I'd be in one. I really don't care what people think about my sexuality. Tanya knows it, and everyone that knows I'm bisexual knows it too. The reason why not everybody knows it is because quite frankly, not everybody needs to know it. I usually get a "good for you" look whenever someone else knows. So, it's not a big deal. My gripe is that this guy is my friend and I wouldn't know how to deal with it if things went horribly wrong. He's been single for a while (over a year) because he had major problems in his past relationship and he's very weary about it and might think I'm just fucking around with him. He's afraid to even talk about it. I've never talked with him about it. The main reason I don't tell him is because of that. I wouldn't want him to think I just want some cheap sex out of him since I just broke up with her.

 

[rareboy]

^ Well then, you've answered your own question.

 

[screwnutty]

It's not that I'm not ready for a gay relationship. I never thought I'd be in one. I really don't care what people think about my sexuality. Tanya knows it, and everyone that knows I'm bisexual knows it too. The reason why not everybody knows it is because quite frankly, not everybody needs to know it. I usually get a "good for you" look whenever someone else knows. So, it's not a big deal. My gripe is that this guy is my friend and I wouldn't know how to deal with it if things went horribly wrong. He's been single for a while (over a year) because he had major problems in his past relationship and he's very weary about it and might think I'm just fucking around with him. He's afraid to even talk about it. I've never talked with him about it. The main reason I don't tell him is because of that. I wouldn't want him to think I just want some cheap sex out of him since I just broke up with her.

What you just told us...tell him. Explain it. I takes two to tango! If he's not interested he'll say so.

 

[MadScientick]

Ok. Things kinda changed at last minute lol. Last night, he called me (lets call him Johnny from now on, it can get confusing) randomly because he was called by a friend of ours saying he was expected at another of our friend's house for a get together. Everybody was gone for Christmas and everyone was back in town and had the urge to catch up! So he called me and asked if I wanted to come over too, which I agreed to. We started drinking wine and what not. We eventually got a little tipsy and one of our gay friends (lets call him Carl) called. We told him to come over. Johnny spent the whole night bitching about how he hadn't fucked in over 6 months. Shortly after Carl arrived everybody left, including Carl and Johnny to leave someone at their place. They eventually came back with another bottle of wine. I was just sitting alone in the living room, so I accompanied them in their lonely drinking... rolleyes But they spent the whole time flirting with each other. I was just sitting there, baffled at the fact that they had totally forgotten that I was there. They even took pictures of themselves and completely ignored me...

Eventually, Johnny asked Carl to sleep in the same bed because he was cold and had work early in the morning. This, at our friend's house... on my friend's housemate's bed (whom is also a really close friend of ours)who's been at the hospital for a whole week watching over his mother who is very sick. At that point it was obvious to me that Johnny wanted to have sex with Carl... Carl offered his apartment to do it but Johnny refused to leave the house, so they headed to the room and started talking. I went in, wished a good night and laid on the sofa to sleep. As soon as I left and closed the door, they started kissing and eventually I could hear the slurping and the bed squeaking... so I just sat there on the sofa hearing them fuck on my friend's bed who is at the hospital extremely worried because his mother could die at any moment and could come over at any point in time to take a shower and head back!

I eventually knocked at the door and told them to lower the volume because I couldn't sleep with the noise. They just replied laughing... and yeah... it was freezing ... so I couldn't sleep much.

I think it was extremely irresponsible of them to use his bed! I wasn't upset by the fact that they were having sex. So, I'm taking this opportunity to tell him how I feel about last night and finally come out to him. This morning he really couldn't understand how I was only upset by the sounds... I just told him we'd talk about it later since he had to leave for work (basically all of us had to hehe)

I can understand that they were drunk, horny and well, you put 2 and 2 together and the number 4 is inevitable. But it was disrespectful of them to do it in that room, specially when they didn't have permission to even sleep there and I'm the only one that knows this aside from them. I feel compelled to call them on it.

I think its obvious he feels much more comfortable now with being with somebody else so, I'll just tell him and see what happens... I don't expect he'll say anything regarding to having feelings for me too, but at this point I don't really care anymore. He probably wont take it too personal anyway and I just need to get this off my chest already...

 

[MadScientick]

He said he loves me 4 times this morning, I'm guessing because he thought I was upset about it all... so, I might have a good chance.

 

[G-Lexington]

Do tell him. Own up to your feelings about it, too. About how it was kind of difficult to hear him getting it on with another guy in the other room. He should understand.

Lex

 

[innocentbychoice]

So, I've accepted my bisexuality and have had relationships with females before even though I'm currently single. Have had only sex with males. But I've never felt love for another guy until now I think. Its weird.

I met this guy about 8 months ago (...) I think I'm falling in love again.... what do you guys think? Help a confused guy out here. :-/

This is the "I'm falling in love with a str8 guy" story but the other way around! To put it simple, if we could get your friend to write his side of the story here at JUB he would propably be like "OMG I'm falling for my best friend but I know he's str8! What should I do? I want him so bad, pleas help me! I've cuddled to him but nothing else".

So c'mon, make a move! I'm sure he likes you and that's why he always cuddles when he's drunk but he's not capable of doing anything beyond that because he's too scared you might actually be str8.

So let him know, do something! You'll make his dreams come true and yours as well.

 

[MadScientick]

He just sent me a text message saying "I love you and I'm sorry". I replied "I love you too, we'll talk later" and he replied back with a smiley lol..... tonight it ends

 

[screwnutty]

There's your window of opportunity. Tell him tonight! Good Luck to you! I wish you the best!! Oh....don't forget to give us an update!

 

[KaraBulut]

As much as I would like to give you hope... I'm reading this and thinking, "Your friend left you- not once but twice. He hooked up with one of your friends on another friend's bed while you were in the next room on the couch trying to sleep. "

There's a reason your friend has been single for a year! He's a mess!

You can do better. If you want to try a relationship with a guy, there are much better ones out there.

 

[innocentbychoice]

As much as I would like to give you hope... I'm reading this and thinking, "Your friend left you- not once but twice. He hooked up with one of your friends on another friend's bed while you were in the next room on the couch trying to sleep. "

There's a reason your friend has been single for a year! He's a mess!

You can do better. If you want to try a relationship with a guy, there are much better ones out there.

I don't think that's the case. I think the gay friend just doesn't know MadScientick is interested and is afraid he might be str8.

 

[MadScientick]

.... well... I haven't spoken to him about it yet. These past couple of days have been extremely weird. For one, the night I planned to speak with him about it we hung out together... THE WHOLE NIGHT and I couldn't bring myself to say it. I had this gut feeling keeping me from doing it. It's like being in high school again. Like being in love for the first time. I thought I'd gone through this and was effectively over it, but for some odd reason it's like starting all over again for me. Like the game is something completely different when telling things to a guy! And I hate that. It hurts me and I hate it...

That night, we went to about 8 different places. We hung out from 6 pm to 2 in the morning and even danced together. And I couldn't bring myself to say it. The only thing I can say about it is that I am really in love with this man. I had this dream about him 2 nights in a row... a recurring dream. I woke up more than 5 times and the dream would repeat over and over again. It's fucking torture.

Yesterday I only saw him once, and it was randomly... coming out of the movies. I went with another friend of mine to see this spanish movie (Elsa & Fred... you should seriously watch it, it's one of the best romantic comedies ever made). He'd just finished watching One Missed Call with one of his girlfriends. He was so cold... I had this urge to just hug him until he felt ok again but I just couldn't bring myself to do it and he was already leaving.

Tonight... we saw each other only once. We coincided at a local ballet presentation. One of our friends was dancing tonight, so we already had plans to see it. He left to drop her at her place and I never saw him again. I called him after and he was already home!

I can't really say we're distant lately though. I haven't called him once after the casual sex incident to pick me up and hang out together... I came to the conclusion that Carl is actually one of his fuck buddies... I've seen him offer himself to Johnny more than once and be rejected so I'm pretty sure he has no real feelings for him. He still said he loved me last time we said goodbye properly, which was at the movies. I even offered to pay his ticket and also give him my jacket, but he said he couldn't take another 2 hours watching another movie. It would've been perfect. The movie was so good and nice... I even cried several times through it :-/

I don't know, I'll just cease the next opportunity to do it and call him to make sure I'm with him the whole time. Or maybe make it something more personal between us.... the only night we spent together after Tuesday was plagued with other people interrupting us, so I couldn't really do anything because of that. He thanked me for being with him the whole night though and was kind of expecting something else from me after he dropped me off. I didn't make a move right then because we had someone else in the car and I didn't dare to. I'd rather catch him alone and tell him.

I don't want to do it over the phone, or over the internet because, that's just not me. I'll just wait for the right moment and do it. I have the perfect reason to bring it up! I am 100% sure now, that I am in love with this man. He's really shaking things up for me lately. I can't ignore it even if I wanted to.

 

[alonzo222]

i know EXACTLY what you're going through....except........at least your's is gay.....the person that i am head over heels for is my STRAIGHT best friend....

 

[boy0boy]

I am completely freaking out at how much this story sounds like someone I know..... like if you are the person I know, that would be so freaking eerie, but then some things don't match up....

NO LIKE FREAKISHLY SIMILAR, if you aren't in fact the person I'm thinking of. I don't know exactly where I'm going with this but I had to at least mention it....


Roy? ----- hmmm (test, haha)

 

[MadScientick]

Erm... nope... not Roy... sorry lol

Ok... so, I haven't made any updates in about 2 months. Truth is, it took me about 2 more weeks to tell him after last time I wrote here.

We went out to drink that night again with our usual circle of friends. That night he was completely sober, didn't drink anything, but he left early. I said goodbye this time saying I loved him, and he replied "No, I love you..." and I kinda took that as the motivation to do it. He left, but I sent him a text message saying that I was falling for him about half an hour later. He replied saying "ok.... so you're gay, how is that possible?". He didn't believe me... that was a surprise lol A couple of days later I find out I actually interrupted him having sex with this guy he's dating.

After that, the next time I saw him was at a friends house. I didn't expect him to be there, but he arrived and the atmosphere went to shit. He didnt talk but gave me these piercing eyes that were fucking torturing. I found a moment to speak by ourselves. We were speaking with broken sentences. Like we were both stumped by the whole situation. All I could say was "I'm sorry, I didn't know..." "It's ok..." "No, it was wrong" "You could've told me earlier" "Yeah... sorry.." and he left into the house again.

A week after we did a homecoming party for a friend of ours (whom I didn't know he knew by the way lol) and he also arrived. We drank a lot that night, everything was really tense between us and, well, we never spoke through the whole party. I eventually sat down with a bottle of vodka on a love seat for a couple of minutes, and I heard him asking another gay friend for advice on the matter and well... I kinda felt like shit afterwards. I just sat there drinking.. and a couple of minutes later he sat next to me and started telling me how sorry he was, but he was starting something with this guy and wanted to see how it fared and that it wasn't that he didn't like me... he said I owned most of his heart. He said he loved me and didn't know how to deal with actually starting something with someone who was a good friend of his before and held my hand, kissed my cheek and said he was really sorry. To all this I was shocked and didn't know what to say. We didn't speak properly after the message and it was extremely weird. I did kinda feel better afterwards, and we took a drink from the vodka bottle together and hugged for about a whole minute. I couldn't hold my tears to what he said "Aww how cute, I love you so much"

So, my conclusion at that moment was: the guy has feelings for me too, but doesn't want to get involved... at least not yet.

During the coming weeks, nothing's changed much except for the piercing eyes that are still there whenever I'm with him and the guy (they're still not officially a couple hehe still dating) so I feel I'm interfering between them, although it seems they're fine. Usually after I get out of his car I say I love you and he says a shy I love you too back. Last time for instance he was going to pick up the guy after dropping me off, and after I said I love you he kinda gave me this sad face and "you do know I love you too though..." to which I winked.

He is completely aware of me now, watches me with peripheral view, and is constantly paying attention to what I do around him. But we still act as if everything's normal! We still drink together, go out to parties and hang out. But we still keep this distance (the mutual respect thing). It's like there's a barrier between us that holds both of us back. I know I'm holding back because of the other guy, and the only thing I can think of from his side is the same so, I don't really know what else to do other than impatiently... wait! Like for instance we were working backstage about a week and a half ago, he was doing the sound and I was coordinating projections. I went to the back before the show started through his side to tell them we were ready ( I had to be outside in front to do the work, he was backstage waiting for his cues). So, I went in after speaking to the director, told him we were ready and we locked eyes for about 10 seconds. Instinct tells me I should've kissed then and there... I'm guessing he was thinking the same thing... but we just frowned and moved on to our jobs. And this is happening increasingly often now! And I will not make a move until he makes it now. Is this.... wise? My gripe now is the other guy (I hate calling him other because, it's the only guy I'm just a friend in the equation that happens to be in love with him). I am limited by him... I think both of us are. Nobody else knows about this, so it's like our secret. In fact when he asked for advice he didn't mention my name, he asked as something hypothetic. So he's extremely respectful about this. And quite frankly, I don't think anyone else needs to know until we sort things out ourselves. Unnecessary drama is something i can live without. I mean, this sounds like a drama as it is already -_-

I took too long and now I suffer the consequences. Moral of the story..... I'm still gonna keep up the fight though. I'm almost sure we'll have something along the way... I'm just wondering how long I have to wait. What do you guys think? Worth the wait... ?

 

[rareboy]

Unnecessary drama is something i can live without. I mean, this sounds like a drama as it is already

Oh c'mon....

I think you like the drama.

It won't be nearly as interesting once you've laid him and
Lust is out of the way.

I would think at your age though, that you should be able to be moving beyond the type of head games you're playing with one another.

 

[KaraBulut]

indeed.