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I thought I was confused before, now...
- Thread starter LoveIsNow
- Start date
Yep I'm the same way...I was uncomfortable with my virginity so wanted to experiment and see if a one night stand or something would help me feel better...Nope! Not turned on at all unless I am like LOVING the person...
It's hard to add to the great comments above.
First, consider that you find at least some guys hot.
Second, consider that you will find, as you get more experience with this, some acts more pleasurable than others. You might find that you like to GET head more than give it, for example. Or, the other way around.
Third, it's hard to judge anything on the basis of getting off with two guys. The less-than-wow reaction doesn't portend anything as to your sexual identity.
Lastly, keep an open mind and experiment with sex and relationships (or relationships and sex, as mentioned above). You'll figure it out. For many of us, the road was contradictory and confusing, so I know where you're coming from. I do promise, though, that, in time, your true interests will become obvious to you.
Good luck on your journey!
First, consider that you find at least some guys hot.
Second, consider that you will find, as you get more experience with this, some acts more pleasurable than others. You might find that you like to GET head more than give it, for example. Or, the other way around.
Third, it's hard to judge anything on the basis of getting off with two guys. The less-than-wow reaction doesn't portend anything as to your sexual identity.
Lastly, keep an open mind and experiment with sex and relationships (or relationships and sex, as mentioned above). You'll figure it out. For many of us, the road was contradictory and confusing, so I know where you're coming from. I do promise, though, that, in time, your true interests will become obvious to you.
Good luck on your journey!
Blacksheep
On the Prowl
The only time I went to a gay club I felt ill. Not because I thought it was disgusting but just because I thought it offered nothing I was interested in.
I didn't find anyone there attractive and ended up leaving after an hour because I realised that I was going to take nothing positive from being there.
The experience made me consider if I was really gay. I'd fooled around with another guy when I was a young teenager, but had also happily dated, been living with and had been engaged to a girl for seven years (we'd split up for a reason that had nothing to do with my sexuality a few months before this).
I actually went numb whilst I was at the club and just felt really, really strange. To make it worse I was by myself and was ignored the entire time (except for guys who looked just like my dad checking me out).
It wasn't until about three months later that I even gave my sexuality a thought (basically I just buried the whole idea and didn't deal with it). I saw a guy in a shop I decided was cute, I dropped him a note with my number and he called me up. We ended up having sex on our second date (which was the first weekend).
If I hadn't have already gotten to know him and felt safe and secure and wanting to be with him then I know I wouldn't have enjoyed the experience. We have since split up and I still feel the same way in regards to hooking up with random people despite now knowing I'm 100% gay (well 98%).
That's my long arsed way of saying that I agree that certain people just aren't necessarily attracted to people unless they have a mental or emotional connection. I also like the hunt type aspect. I don't want to fuck or date someone looking for a fuck or a date, I like it when you just meet and things feel right and you build from there.
I didn't find anyone there attractive and ended up leaving after an hour because I realised that I was going to take nothing positive from being there.
The experience made me consider if I was really gay. I'd fooled around with another guy when I was a young teenager, but had also happily dated, been living with and had been engaged to a girl for seven years (we'd split up for a reason that had nothing to do with my sexuality a few months before this).
I actually went numb whilst I was at the club and just felt really, really strange. To make it worse I was by myself and was ignored the entire time (except for guys who looked just like my dad checking me out).
It wasn't until about three months later that I even gave my sexuality a thought (basically I just buried the whole idea and didn't deal with it). I saw a guy in a shop I decided was cute, I dropped him a note with my number and he called me up. We ended up having sex on our second date (which was the first weekend).
If I hadn't have already gotten to know him and felt safe and secure and wanting to be with him then I know I wouldn't have enjoyed the experience. We have since split up and I still feel the same way in regards to hooking up with random people despite now knowing I'm 100% gay (well 98%).
That's my long arsed way of saying that I agree that certain people just aren't necessarily attracted to people unless they have a mental or emotional connection. I also like the hunt type aspect. I don't want to fuck or date someone looking for a fuck or a date, I like it when you just meet and things feel right and you build from there.
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You're trying to answer two very different questions with these encounters:
1. Do I enjoy sex with another guy?
2. Am I gay or bisexual?
Where a lot of guys go wrong is that they think there's a choice to be made- as in I have to be straight or I have to be gay. And they go wrong in believing that an encounter with a stranger is going to answer all of their questions.
It's not that simple and it is seldom that clear. Male sexuality has a lot of grays and most guys have a certain amount of attraction to both genders.
Getting off with another person is not the same as being gay or straight. Gay guys always seem shocked when they have sex with a girl and they find out that they can come (and they can even enjoy the sex). And there are plenty of straight guys who are surprised to find out that they can enjoy sex with another guy.
You're attracted physically to other guys. You find the thought of sex with them to be a turn-on. If that's as far as you want to go- that is perfectly okay.
But you're posting in a forum on a site that features lots of pictures of gay men having sex, so there's probably more to what you're thinking and feeling about your sexuality. So, keep exploring until you reach the point where you are most comfortable. But don't look for quick answers in hookups and blowjobs.
The answers you seek are not inside the pants of another person. Only you can answer the question of your own sexuality- it's a process of self-discovery.
Blacksheep
On the Prowl
Having dated a bi guy I'd say that if his family dropped dead he would reconsider and become gay (he's currently dating a woman and says he's happy enough, but keeps hanging out with me and talking about how he doesn't love her).
It's all 'just' a matter of overcoming the issue of why you consider it wrong to be bi. Having said that be honest with whoever you are with.
As someone who was led on by bi guy who was in your position I can tell you it really hurts when they finally decide they can't be with you (I kept splitting up with him and he kept promising me he would change, he has since admitted that he can't whilst his family is alive and is happy with his life as it is).
So just make sure you say you are new to all this and you want to take it slow and work out if it's for you and all that jazz. It's like that for most people, you are just also dealing with your sexuality.
If you can it might be ideal to discuss your apprehension at being bi with a friend or better yet with a paid professional. It's not a healthy place to be uncomfortable with something as fundamental as your sexuality. I think it's something most gay people go through but it really is better once you chat to someone 'real' about it.
It's all 'just' a matter of overcoming the issue of why you consider it wrong to be bi. Having said that be honest with whoever you are with.
As someone who was led on by bi guy who was in your position I can tell you it really hurts when they finally decide they can't be with you (I kept splitting up with him and he kept promising me he would change, he has since admitted that he can't whilst his family is alive and is happy with his life as it is).
So just make sure you say you are new to all this and you want to take it slow and work out if it's for you and all that jazz. It's like that for most people, you are just also dealing with your sexuality.
If you can it might be ideal to discuss your apprehension at being bi with a friend or better yet with a paid professional. It's not a healthy place to be uncomfortable with something as fundamental as your sexuality. I think it's something most gay people go through but it really is better once you chat to someone 'real' about it.