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I want a baby

F

fucker1980

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This may sound weird, I dunno, but its something I've been thinking about for awhile. I'm almost 30 and I am really having paternal feelings. I have friends with kids and I see people everyday with their kids. My parents are getting old and they want grandkids as much as I want a kid. The thing is, I don't want a relationship. I like being single with no signficant other. I am bi. I don't mind sex with either sex, but i just don't want a relationship. Watching what Clay Aiken did recently with having his child made me see that it can be done. I don't have any female friends that would do me that huge of favor, lol, but I'm wondering how does someone go about this? Do they have surrogate services for potential single fathers? If anyone has any ideas I'd be glad to hear them.
 
The laws vary quite a lot concerning surrogacy. In Washington state, a mother can sign a contract giving up her baby before it's born in exchange for prenatal care/expenses but can then change her mind afterward, keep the baby and not have to pay back any of the expenses. It's a huge risk here when you go that route. There are a lot of needy kids out there who need to be adopted, especially if you're not only interested in adopting an infant. Every state except Florida (no gays), Utah (gays technically ok, but only married couples can adopt, so...) and possible Arkansas (some laws were struck down but I don't know if new ones have been passed) allow single gay men to adopt.

You really need to be sure you want a kid though. As I'm sure you know, it's a huge commitment for the rest of your life. It will certainly make your professional and dating life more difficult, but may be worth it. Most importantly though, make sure you want to do it for yourself. In your post, you mention your friends' kids and parents' expectations of grandchildren. You need to want this for yourself, not for other people.

I'd also recommend doing some deep soul searching about why you want a child but not a relationship. You don't want to be having a child to seek out the love you can't get from a relationship because of possible hangups.
 
Are you financially stable? How long have you lived on your own? Is your annual income enough to support both you and a second mouth? Do you currently have room where you live for you and your child to have separate living quarters? These are just some of the questions you need to answer for yourself.
 
Yes I am financially stable, I work in upper retail management.
I have lived on my own since I was 22, so thats 6 years.
I have plenty of room, a 3BR Ranch house in a nice neigborhood.

Thanks for your responses so far. I don't really want to adopt. I would like to have a gentic link to my child, meaning coming from my sperm. I do want a child. I have practically been the "3rd parent" in helping raise my neice. I just want one of my own. I would be open to a relationship one day but right now its just not something I'm interested in. Parenting just seems like something I think I'd be better at alone.
 
I wish you the best getting a little one. You definitely seem ready to have one. I think you should still consider adopting if you don't have one from your own "seed" though. I totally want to have a son one day with the same genes as me but just know that a biological connection is important but the love for the child is what matters most. I'm sure you could love an adopted child just the same.
 
biological connection matters more than people think :) I totally understand where the OP is coming from. When I have children I want them to have a part of my genes too....in fact if I'm married I want to combine our two DNAs. (it's possible but slightly complicated)
 
I applaud your desire to have children, but please don't give in to a sense of urgency. As the father of three, I have always been grateful to have a man I love to share the raising of our sons. Being a parent is a great joy and a great responsibility. It would be difficult to do alone, not impossible, but definitely more complicated. I couldn't imagine dropping my little one off at day care or nursery every day or letting a nanny raise my child. It is incredibly hard when they are babies.

In an ideal world, parenting is a two person job. Also, having children with your DNA rather than adoption is overrated.

Just my opnion. Good luck in whatever you do and I hope you are a great Dad!
 
I don't want kids, but I can definitely see why the biological link is important.

It is a huge decision. I wish you the best. Keep us updated!
 
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