I Want My Sex Drive Back!

[mbamike]

It took me many years of soul searching, studying and prayer for me to accept the fact that I find men sexually attractive. I accepted that I was gay.

However, there was something deep inside me that said there was something else out of place. I have always felt that I should be more feminine than I appear to be. I have always desired to be more feminine than I am.

I have been seeing a licensed clinical psychologist for several months. With her help, I have accepted the fact that I am more than just a smooth, gay Bottom. I am a transgender woman.

I have been on hormone replacement therapy for about a year. My sex drive has plummeted to nothing. As a gay Bottom, I was a gay whore. I would allow just about any guy halfway attractive to fuck me.

Now that I'm on hormones, my way of thinking has changed. I need to feel a connection to the guy, not just fucking for the sake of fucking. I miss that!

I need a good fucking! What do I have to do to overcome the need to feel a connection with a guy so that I can have and enjoy sex again??

 

[KaraBulut]

There's really two aspects to your situation.

The first aspect is purely physiological: a male taking female hormones will make less male hormone. Sex drive is associated with male hormone and by suppressing male hormone, you're also suppressing your sex drive. In a less informed time, homosexuals and sex offenders were given female hormone injections for that very reason.

The other aspect is psychological and much more complicated. Over the years in reading your posts, it always seemed like you were using sex to try to find something- whether it was sex with a dick or sex with toys.

Now that I'm on hormones, my way of thinking has changed. I need to feel a connection to the guy, not just fucking for the sake of fucking. I miss that!

What you're describing has some aspects of "normalcy" or at least what a person your age should be looking for.

So, the question is "Is this just nostalgia for your man-whore days?"

Or, if in fact, with this understanding of your gender issue, have you found what it was that you were searching for and you don't need to be constantly trying to physically fill a hole that was really a psychological hole?"

 

[darian]

It took me many years of soul searching, studying and prayer for me to accept the fact that I find men sexually attractive. I accepted that I was gay.

However, there was something deep inside me that said there was something else out of place. I have always felt that I should be more feminine than I appear to be. I have always desired to be more feminine than I am.

I have been seeing a licensed clinical psychologist for several months. With her help, I have accepted the fact that I am more than just a smooth, gay Bottom. I am a transgender woman.

It took me decades to accept the fact that I find men sexually attractive, yet I'm not sure I am gay as I do not have a stereotypical gay man's libido.

I too feel there is still something incongruent with me as I experience a more female emotional component that I keep under control and a desire for connection with men more than (or before) sex, yet I have a typical male logic and single-tasking mindset. I consider myself a sort of male-female hybrid, although I am physically male (but not overly masculine) but don't think of myself as a woman or wish to behave like a woman in many respects.

I fear society has not accepted the idea of diversity and its expression: that people can be a matrix of stereotypical male and female characteristics and what we call man or woman are idealised single points within that matrix. Consequently, other diverse values within that matrix are not readily tolerated and it results in a huge impact on people who do not fit the idealised binary values.

Interestingly, those idealised binary values are not exhibited by everyone in society: penis size and breast size varies greatly for example, so there is already diversity within idealised binary values.

Why should it matter if a man wants to wear a dress or behave in ways that are traditionally seen as female; or to express themselves as female in certain ways whilst still having a penis and testicles? Our individual sexuality is only of importance to intimates.

I accept that there probably are men who are actually women trapped in a mans body, for whom transexualism is valid, but I feel that there are far more who are diverse hybrids for whom transexualism would be going too far, yet society does not offer them options to be who they are and to express themselves as diverse hybrids and as a result they suffer in silence, suppressing who they really are, or feel compelled to transition to what they are not in reality, in order to fit in with the societal binary template.

The problem with labeling myself as gay is that I don't fit into any of the gay stereotypes: I'm not Tom of Finland or screaming queen material or have the stereotypical gay man's libido (I never was and never will be a man whore). It's difficult forming an identity when there are no societally acceptable models presented.

I applaud Conchita Wurst for confronting society with a hybrid possibility and getting people thinking, but I wish there was more discussion about diversity, gender, sex, biological underpinnings and a greater acceptance of people being who they are and not what others would prefer them to be. For myself, I'm not sure how I would respond to a female presenting as male in private, as my own attraction is to male anatomy (particularly Tom of Finland), but I would uphold their right to do so in public.

Homosexuality is still not accepted and barely tolerated, decades after the movement for change began, and that is primarily over a single aspect: sexual orientation. Tackling expression of diversity in other characteristics and aspects is only in its infancy.

My apologies if what I have said offends anyone as that was not my intention, but I get annoyed that the only option for acceptance offered to diverse individuals in society is transexualism.

As far as wanting sex drive back, I hope you can find a balance of hormones to achieve that, although I suspect that it comes as a consequence of transexualism: you have to take the good with the bad instead of being free to cherry-pick what suits you best in a diverse-supporting society.