I want to ask for your opinion

[Robin76264]

Hey guys.

I just want to ask for your opinion.

At first I want to apologize for my bad english, I am from Austria, and english is, as you might know not my mother language, I hope you can understand it anyway.

So here is my story.

im 20 years old and for a few months now I know for myself that I am gay, cause I am really attracted to guys, and do not have any feelings for women.

So I met this guy, Phil over Facebook through mutual friends of us.
I texted him cause is saw that he liked Justin Bieber just as much as me, even thou I was afraid to tell people at this time.

so we texted and met a few times, i knew he was gay, but i was not sure about me at this time, at least I was afraid to admit it.

A couple moths later he told me that he had feelings for me that are more than just like friends.

i was pretty shocked and could not handle what he just told me.

I mean i was not unfriendly or anything, i just told him i did not have the same feelings for him and that i am not gay at all.

So i lived without him in my life for about 20 months now, we texted a few times, but just smalltalk like "how are you" and stuff like that.

So this summer I totaly fell in love with my best friend, male friend. And after he broke up with his girlfriend cause he cheated on her i stayed in contact with her (his girlfriend) and all her friends.

And i told them all that i think that i am gay, and that i fell in love with my best friend.

They where all so nice, and understanding and all it was awesome.
Even my now best girl friend (his ex), handeld it pretty well and took it kind of funny, so we could share why we fell in love with him...

Long story short, i love these people.

So this was just the prolog

a week back Phil texted me and asked me how i was and stuff and we started to text again, i told him that i know that i like men now, and i am not afraid to say it, and that i had feelings for him back then but i was afraid to tell him so.

He was very, very sweet so we met and watched movies.

And it was cold at my house, and I just hat one small blanket

So we cuddled, it was the first time for me to ever touch another men and it was awesome i loved it, the way he touched me everywhere, the way he held my hands...

we cuddled like 6 hours and the movies where not that interesting anymore.

2 days later we met again and this time we not only cuddled, he came closer, and closer to me and started to kiss at my neck up to my lips and we kissed, we started to make out for like half an hour.

It was my first kiss EVER, and it was the best first kiss I could have imagined

My only problem now is that i don't like him any more then just a friend.

We have absolutely nothing in common except for the fact that we love Justin Bieber.

We have nothing to talk about, nothing to do then watch movies together.

I like what we do, it is really nice to have someone that cares about you, that you can touch if you want.

So now what?
Do it tell him that we have absolutely no future?
He is still in love with me, at least he has a crush on me.
I don't want to break his heart.

please help me

thanks in advance

 

[Laufey]

It's always nice to have someone to cuddle with, even if it's a person you aren't interested in it going any further with.

The simple and best thing to do is simply to be honest and tell him the things you mentioned in this thread. Tell him that you are not interested in a relationship with him but that you are open to friendship. If he is really in love with you then it would be best to not see him anymore... but I think it's more likely he just has a crush on you since you don't know each other that well.

Being afraid of breaking someones heart should never make you not tell the truth. It's best for him that you tell him the truth now before his feelings for you become even stronger than before.

 

[racer2438]

You just need to be REALLY honest with yourself.....and other people..
life will then be much better, and you will be a better person in the end.

games are kids..

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Robin76264,

There is nothing wrong with your level of English, so no need to worry about that. I would like to tell you that I liked it very much to read your story. Its great to read that all went well since you have decided for yourself that you like guys, and that telling other people that you are gay went very smoothly as well. Great man!

I would like to advise you to be honest to Phil. Being honest to people is always the best option. So you have spend two nights with him and those nights were a wonderful experience. He was the first guy with whom you were cuddling and kissing, and that's a very sweet memory. So please tell him at least that you liked it very, very much, and that you have appreciated it very much that he was the first one with whom you had this experience. On the other hand, nothing wrong that you also tell him that you have the idea that you don't feel enough for him to become boyfriends of each other / start dating with each other.

Ofcourse, maybe he might not like this answer, but it better to tell soon the truth. But also be friendly and nice to him, as he was also always very nice and kind to you.

I would like to wish you all the best, and I hope soon you will find a real sweet boyfriend.

Take care & feel free to react / ask additional questions.

 

[Seasoned]

To keep things from becoming more complicated I think you need to tell him how much you value his friendship and that's where you want the relationship to stay. It's good that you haven't complicated things with sex.

I'm happy you have been able to come out and that you have support.

Thank you for posting.

 

[KaraBulut]

This will happen to you many times as you're dating.

Have an honest talk. If you're both just interested in being friends, then stop the cuddling and making out.

If you're both comfortable being friends who kiss, cuddle and perhaps go further, then continue- fuckbuddies or friends with benefits is perfectly fine as long as both people are okay with it.

But if he's looking for a boyfriend, then be honest and tell him you're new to this and that you're not ready for that- and if he doesn't accept your explanation, then tell him you like him as a friend but not as a boyfriend.

The key is to be honest and treat him in the way you would want to be treated.

 

[Robin76264]

Thank you guys for the kind responses.

So I talked to Phil today, I told him that I really like the time that we are having right now, and that I like him a lot, but I cannot promise him that I will ever have feelings for him that go beyond friendship.

He told me that it is totally cool with him, he indeed has a crush on me but he is really glad for the time we share now. It is more that he ever wanted and even if I will never return his feelings he loves the time we spend together.

 

[TX-Beau]

No dice. You know you aren't going to reciprocate his feelings. It's crueler to let him think that somewhere down the line you might be his, than it is to tell him he has no chance now, and go find a guy you might be into for the cuddling and touching.

What you're doing is leading him on - not maliciously perhaps, but it amounts to the same thing.

Be a friend - encourage him to go cuddle with a guy he has a chance with.

 

[Laufey]

I agree with TX, you were too soft about it.

Sometimes you just have to be harsh.

 

[Robin76264]

I can't tell him to leave me alone cause I will never feel anything for him. What kind of friend would say such a thing?
Maybe I was a bit to soft to him but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

 

[Rolyo85]

No, what you don't want, is to feel bad about making him feel bad. This is about you, not him. If you don't want to hurt HIS feelings, then you'll hurt him a little now, instead of a LOT later. Honesty in this type of situation can NEVER hurt even remotely as much as dishonesty.

 

[Laufey]

I can't tell him to leave me alone cause I will never feel anything for him. What kind of friend would say such a thing?
Maybe I was a bit to soft to him but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

You don't have to tell him that.

Offer him friendship and at the same time tell him a relationship is not a option and never will be.

 

[swerve]

I think that it is IMPORTANT to have gay friends -- ESPECIALLY since you've just come out...

To me, it sounds like you've been HONEST with him -- and HIS feelings are NOT YOUR responsibility...

You seem like an AWESOME GUY!!!

 

[TX-Beau]

I can't tell him to leave me alone cause I will never feel anything for him. What kind of friend would say such a thing?

Maybe I was a bit to soft to him but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

What kind of friend would lead him on out of convenience KNOWING full well he had no chance?

 

[KaraBulut]

Reminder: this is not a debate forum. Direct your responses to the original poster.

Back on topic, please.