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I want to come out

TheGaymer

TheGaymer

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I’m a 40 something man who knows I’m gay, and has known since I was in my teens, but has been denying the fact, and has yet to fully come out. I am, however, still ashamed of the fact that I’m attracted to men. I reside in a conservative town, come from a conservative family and work for conservative company. I look and act straight, but I’m not, and I’m really tired of hiding who I really am. I want to date and eventually marry a man, but the shame I still feel is preventing me from even trying to pursue a romantic relationship. I feel I’m getting too old to continue to live as a bachelor, and I wonder if it’s affecting my mental and physical health.

What should I do? Would it be a good idea to keep my desires a secret and remain celibate, or just say fuck it and come out, despite the consequences?
 
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Well hello there (*W*) to jub that's your decision how would would like to come out if you feel comfortable to
 
TheGaymer said:
...What should I do? Would it be a good idea to keep my desires a secret and remain celibate, or just say fuck it and come out, despite the consequences?
Click to expand...
What should you do? Well, to put it plainly: stop lying.

With gay men, the big lie is the lying that we do to ourselves. Once we stop that lying and admit to ourselves that we are gay, the rest is just a matter of deciding who should know.

The other big lie that we tell ourselves is that the other people around us don't know or don't suspect that we're gay.

What should you do? You should do what is best for you and what will set you on the path to happiness. You deserve to be happy and if happiness to you involves having a partner in your life, then you need to take steps to find your life partner.

You should think about what "coming out" means to you. For some people, coming out is a non-event where they just stop evading questions and stop concealing genders when speaking of their partners (i.e. referring to their boyfriend as "my girlfriend" or "she"). For other people, it's a formal process where they make a point to tell friends and family that they are gay. Only you know which of these "coming out" processes is best for you.

One suggestion that I have for you: get a support system. Gay people often refer to our friends as "our chosen family". If you don't have LBGT friends or open-minded friends who will be supportive, you should make an effort to get some. As you work through this and as you deal with what is often a temporary maelstrom, you need your chosen family to be there to help you through it.
 
Just keep this in mind if they are a conservative company anything in your personal life deemed unsavory might be grounds for termination so if you are planning to come out just make sure your (preseumably hot daddy) ass is covered especially in this pandemic!
 
TheGaymer said:
What should I do? Would it be a good idea to keep my desires a secret and remain celibate, or just say fuck it and come out, despite the consequences?
Click to expand...

What would be worse; to remain closeted or to suffer the altered reactions of your environment? Pick one and follow the road to the (bitter?) end.
 
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TheGaymer said:
I’m a 40 something man who knows I’m gay, and has known since I was in my teens, but has been denying the fact, and has yet to fully come out. I am, however, still ashamed of the fact that I’m attracted to men. I reside in a conservative town, come from a conservative family and work for conservative company. I look and act straight, but I’m not, and I’m really tired of hiding who I really am. I want to date and eventually marry a man, but the shame I still feel is preventing me from even trying to pursue a romantic relationship. I feel I’m getting too old to continue to live as a bachelor, and I wonder if it’s affecting my mental and physical health.

What should I do? Would it be a good idea to keep my desires a secret and remain celibate, or just say fuck it and come out, despite the consequences?
Click to expand...


OMG, I'm in almost the same exact situation. I think I've dated my last female two nights ago. Picked her up at 7pm. And by 9:30pm, I was on my way home disgusted. All of those physical attractions that used to flow through me, just wasn't there. She was a pretty, short, blonde with huge tits. I should've been all over that. But for the last several years, (especially after my first gay experience) it's been boiling up inside of me to come out and start talking to men I'm attracted to about things that I'm attracted to. Things that pleases my mind.
I long to grab a man by the crotch, grab his butt, put my arm around him in public and things of that nature just because that's what I like. I want those things as much as I want to spend the evening at home with a man. Cooking, drinking a little wine. Conversating about stuff. Gay stuff, work stuff and every other kind of stuff.

To just be a gay man. I've thought about this for so long, that I'm to the point that I don't understand how straight (bigots) can still think it's a bad thing.
 
KaraBulut said:
What should you do? Well, to put it plainly: stop lying.

With gay men, the big lie is the lying that we do to ourselves. Once we stop that lying and admit to ourselves that we are gay, the rest is just a matter of deciding who should know.

The other big lie that we tell ourselves is that the other people around us don't know or don't suspect that we're gay.

What should you do? You should do what is best for you and what will set you on the path to happiness. You deserve to be happy and if happiness to you involves having a partner in your life, then you need to take steps to find your life partner.

You should think about what "coming out" means to you. For some people, coming out is a non-event where they just stop evading questions and stop concealing genders when speaking of their partners (i.e. referring to their boyfriend as "my girlfriend" or "she"). For other people, it's a formal process where they make a point to tell friends and family that they are gay. Only you know which of these "coming out" processes is best for you.

One suggestion that I have for you: get a support system. Gay people often refer to our friends as "our chosen family". If you don't have LBGT friends or open-minded friends who will be supportive, you should make an effort to get some. As you work through this and as you deal with what is often a temporary maelstrom, you need your chosen family to be there to help you through it.
Click to expand...

I think that's his problem. (which is exactly like mine). And that's not knowing what is right for them. And that's extremely hard for some of us, to take that first step. One reason is that we have good relationships with people. And coming out could very well change that. Good or bad, it's something we don't want to change. And definitely don't want it to change for the worse.

Decisions decisions.

It could be that we worry about it so much that we just get sick of worrying, and just do it. Then hope for the best.
 
Bottom line - you only have one shot at this life. There are no do-overs.

I think being true to oneself is an essential part of the journey.

What do you think is essential?
 
I think the title of this thread says it all. If you’ve decided you want to come out... well, it sounds like you’ve made your decision.

I’ll be the first to say that it’s not easy to come out in a conservative family, a conservative town, or a conservative company. Only you can decide how to walk that fine line. But I also agree with the other commenters, that you should be true to yourself, because it’s incredibly liberating when you do. You never know who might surprise you: I speak from experience on that front, since I’ve known some rock-ribbed conservative families who’ve been completely supportive of their gay members and loved ones.

I’m not going to sugarcoat the fact that some people may take it better than others, and that’s why it’s really your decision how to navigate those waters. But if you want to love openly as a gay man— and you’ve mad pretty clear that you do— then I encourage you to do it, and I know plenty of people on here will back you up!!!

If you (or any other readers) want to chat in detail, my DM’s are open....
 
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