I want to join a fraternity...advice?

[lifeout9]

I am at a midwestern college and just began my sophmore year. I'm not out with anyone and part of me has always really wanted to join a fraternity on campus but kept myself from doing so because of the realization that one day I will come out as gay and don't know how the fraternity would react and don't want the rejection that may come with it. All of my closest friends are straight and for the most part I come off as a straight male. I do not want to join a gay fraternity and we don't have one on our campus anyway... I would probably think less about doing so but I do know a few gay fraternity members in select fraternities...they all came out after they were initiated and I believe they recieved at least mostly positive reactions/support from their houses....My intention is that I would rush and still not have told anyone and let the relationships I build in the house speak for themselves over time...and maybe eventually I would come out to a select group if I felt comfortable...

Part of me is angry that I have to make this choice because a fraternity is a thing that fits my personality well..I am outgoing and social and this is what is keeping me from joining...am I setting myself up to be hurt? Any suggestions on what to do or if this is a bad idea?


Thanks

 

[G-Lexington]

Well, the easy solution (meaning, easy to say because I'm not you) would be to come out first. Or at the very least, check out how each fraternity treats its gay members. If you don't like what you see, skip them.

Lex

 

[Just_Believe18]

I hear the initiation ceremony is a real let down.

 

[Scimitar]

Hey *******. It's great to see your interested in joining a fraternity. I'm in a fraternity myself and have been for two years now, i'm now a junior in college. I'm still closeted so no one in the frat knows i'm gay however we do have two gay brothers. One joined openly and the other came out while in it. Although it seems like fraternities are overly masculine and whatnot, rest assured that most guys if not all guys in fraternities could care less if you were gay or not, most of the time its your character that matters. Furthermore I must warn that you consider what fraternity you want to join strongly, you can tell what the reactions could be by the members in the group. Just like in any societal setting fraternities have a distinct cast of characters so everyone fits their niche, im sure you'll find a good one and your being gay will be a non issue in the long run. Best of luck to ya!

 

[dline07]

im in the closet, and i was pretty close to joining one; they gave me a bid but i couldn't do it because it didn't work out in my schedule to pledge

it depends on your fraternity dude, i'm pretty sure the one was going to pledge for would be cool with it cause every guy is different in their own way but i think more or less they wouldn't care. most frats are about building and raising men of character or honor and if they see that in you, it shouldn't matter if you were gay or not. i mean...if they liked you enough to give you a bid, why should being gay be a big deal?

 

[smoothebottom]

I was in a fraternity at undergrad. We consistently had a 60 man chapter easily. And I was in a fraternity that has the party reputation and having alot of athletes.

Anyways, with having 60 people there were bound to be a few gay/bi guys in it. (not including myself since I never showed any of my bi tendencies until after I graduated and left the state). Nevertheless, I have seen at least 5 guys that eventually came out during the 3 years I was a member.
But nobody cared. A few teasing but nothing harsh (for example: a few of the guys would say that A & B are going to come back from their Florida gay, just like X came out of the closet after coming back from Florida).

I would suggest that if you come out, do it after you actually become a member, after your pledge period. You're gonna get a lot of shit while pledging. You're temper may be tested, why give em more fuel?

In short, it may seem intimidating, even more so for being gay. But I think you may find that many members dont care about your sexual preferences. Just be cool, and as long as everyone sees that you uphold the fraternity's values and are an upstanding member, you'll have a blast.

what you get out of it is what you put into it!

 

[luminum]

It depends where you are, but despite what most frats give off (and some of their less pleasant members) you'll be surprised how many frats are cool with it.

When I was at the University of Michigan for undergrad, the LGBT Affairs Office mentioned that the Greeks expressed a large interest in working with us and attracting more queer pledges, etc.

It's a risk, but think about it--if you got into a frat that wouldn't accept you if you pledged openly, would they accept you when you finally did? And would you want to be in a frat that wouldn't accept you because when you pledged you made it clear that you're gay? I hope your answer to that is "no."

 

[wred222000]

Hey *******. Don't let your sex life stop you from doing what you really want. Once your initiated, your brothers will be like blood. Coming out to them depends on how comfortable you are with them. Don't feel pressured to come out if you do not want to, but I think you'll be open enough with them to want to tell them more about you.

Have you watched the show Greek on ABC Family? Yah I know it's a TV drama, but one of the pledges and supporting actor is a gay man in a fraternity. You should check it out. It shows his struggle and him coming out to his bros.

 

[curiousguyUNT]

It's really up to you. I'm in a fraternity and have seen guys who were out before and those who came out after. The important thing is to find out what the fraternity is about and what the brothers in it are about. Get to know who they are and you'll know if you want to be a part of it. In my fraternity most don't care, and those who are uncomfortable are at least respectful. Remember too that sexuality isn't the reason you're there, so it really shoudn't matter. Just be yourself and the rest will work it self out.

 

[youngnihilist]

Being gay and joining a fraternity at first seemed to me like oil and water. But having been in college a few years I really see those two things as peas in a pod.

First of all frat guys have a higher likelihood to be bicurious than the rest of the population. Secondly it's a gay dream - just hang around a bunch of (usually) hot guys all day. I mean if you hang out in any "gay ghetto" neighborhood its basically like being in a frat... boys only, boys all day. Third depending on your school, yes many are homophobic, but at my university the frat guys tend to be cool... towards gays at least.

So I say rush and do it. You might get some hot sex out of it too.

 

[seven_sins]

Go for it. Being in a fraternity was one of the best experiences I had in college.

 

[attallaborn]

Ok man..i have been where you are now and made the decision to join a fraternity…I even came on here and mentioned in my past posts about being in a fraternity…let me give you some advice I wish someone had given me before I pledged…

1.) Know what your becoming a part of:
The fraternity I joined was located in the south…when joining a fraternity, it is important that you be like and fit in as much as possible with the actives who’s approval your trying to gain, because if they don’t like you, you wont get in and they may lead to them black balling you (not good). Unfortunately, the actives (or brothers) in my frat were all straight, southern, jockish and ultra masculine…for me, this meant that all day every day, I had to put up with farting, stupid humor, dry humping, xbox (halo), and worst of all gay bashing. These hot fuckers, gay bashed 24/7 and when they weren’t gay bashing, they were talking about vagina. Being in this fraternity and being “straight” (like everyone else) meant I was expected to bring over (like everyone else) many girls (hot) to every party, movie night, mixer, or social gathering we had…once there, I was also expected (since I was “straight” and a honorable brother of the frat) to mack on these hot girls and bang as many as possible, so that the fraternity would look good.

2.) Know yourself:
When I say know yourself, I’m referring to you knowing that your gay (or at least bi or you wouldn’t be here) and that you could possibly be attracted to other guys. My frat had a lot of smocking hot guys in it and they were not shy about hiding they body or private parts..these fuckers were hot and loved to tease, even their fellow straight frat brother…get ready for group showers after intramurals, play “homo erotic” wrestling and dry humping (let me tell you that you will get so much dry humping from your brothers that its ridiculous), ball sack jabs, waking up to penis and balls in your face, and worst of all, drunken hugging and cuddle time (I’m serious). Be warned that when you join a frat that it requires that you spend almost every minute with your brothers…being around hot guys with awesome personalities, you could end up falling in love or having a crush on one of your gay bashing brothers (NOT GOOD)..you need to know if you can handle all this male interaction and touching without getting your interest or arousal involved.

In Conclusion:
My advice to you would be to find out what type of guys make up your fraternity because you will be expected to be just like they are when wearing those letters. If you don’t like vagina then DON’T join a straight one because you’ll be bombarded with formals, weddings, date-parties, etc and that requires you bringing along a vagina. If you like to play the closeted role and can pull off (like me) bringing home the vagina, then be aware of the possible constant hard on from overexposure of several of your barely covered brothers walking around the house, changing clothes, dry humping you, etc…