I was wrong a Guy I went to a movie with turns out to be straight.

[MorrisseyX]

Well this is odd, last year in November I met a cute South Asian guy at a meetup.com event in Toronto and we watched a movie with a group of other people.

Today was the first time I heard from this guy since December last year.

He just messaged me asking me how I was doing, and he asked me if I had seen any movies lately.


I met this guy at a meetup.com movie group because I have issues with social phobia and I wanted to make new friends.

Anyway, I figured all the people at the Chris Rock documentary "Good Hair" I saw last year was straight.

Anyway, the South Asian guy started talking to me, and he asked me after I saw the movie "are you going to join the rest of us for dinner?"

I thought about going home right after the movie but I went with the group to Boston Pizza.

Anyway, after we ate dinner at Boston Pizza the guy said bye and I thought that was it.

Well, the next day I got home after seeing the movie I check my computer and I got a message from a guy I had talked to the night before. He said it was nice meeting me and to keep in touch.

Now this is where I probably went wrong. My female friend said maybe he's gay or bisexual.


So next, I decided to contact him. I asked him if he wanted to see the movie Precious but he said he wanted to see Ninja Assassin.

I tell him I will take the subway to downtown Toronto to see the movie with him.

He says "no I will pick you up close to where you live."

I say "no that's okay I will take the subway and meet you at the theatre."

He says "no don't worry I will pick you up okay."

So I let him pick me up. I think I jumped the gun here. He was simply being nice

to me. I didn't ask him to pick me up to see the movie but he offered to give me a drive so I took it.


I should have known at that moment he was straight. What gay guy likes Ninja movies?

I know I am stereotyping but that's what I thought.

Anyway, we see the Ninja movie and I was bored out of my mind. After the movie he asked "what do you want to do now?" I said let's go to Tim Hortons. In Canada, Tim Hortons is a popular donut shop. I reach in my pocket to pay for my food but he says "I'll get it." I said "no it's okay" and he said "I'll get it don't worry."


Anyway, we chit chat for a bit and then he has to go home. He says "call me anytime."

So I e-mail him a few weeks later and ask him if he wanted to see the Princess Frog the Disney movie about the first black Princess. He sent an e-mail I thought was kind of rude he said "no I think I will pass." So I didn't respond to the e-mail because I thought he was rude.

I saw Ninja Assassin yet he can't see the Princess & The Frog?

I mean if he was trying to become my friend isn't there a little bit of give and take when it comes to seeing a movie?

So I went to see the Princess Frog movie with a female friend
and I loved it!

So it was odd today, I check my e-mail and it was from him. He asked me how I was doing and all that stuff. He said he saw Inception recently. I told him I saw the lesbian comedy the Kids are all right.

I got the courage to ask him if he is gay, straight, or bisexual. And he confirmed he is straight in another e-mail he sent me a few minutes ago.

He said he figured I was gay when he saw my meetup.com page because I was once part of a gay male group until recently.

Anyway, I guess my mind got carried away. I let him know that I was wrong for thinking he was confused, gay, or bisexual.

I guess there are really some nice genuine straight men out there. I know this might sound odd but, why would a straight man want to get to know me?

I''ve never really hanged out with straight men in my life. I say hello to the straight guys I see in university and that stuff but I don't socialize with them at all.

I was wrong about him. I guess there are straight guys out there that want to be friends with gay men. He confirmed he is straight he said "I am mesmerized by the ladies" in an e-mail.

I let him know in my next e-mail that I am "openly gay". He replied back in his e-mail "I figured you were gay when you told me to look at your meetup.com page and it doesn't change my opinion of you or anything you seem like a nice guy." He said.

I never had a friendship with a straight man before I guess he just wanted to be my friend and I was wrong about him.

 

[DafyddGeraint]

Some important lessons for you, and some opportunities as well. Firstly not everybody who shows even the slightest interest in you is either Gay/Bi/Curious or even if they are it doesn't mean they want you in a sexual way!

Why would a straight guy want to get to know you and be your friend? Well for the same reason that a woman be she straight or Lesbian or a gay man would want to get to know you, to become a friend. Yes there are a hell of alot of nice straight guys out there, who don't want to sleep with you, who don't perve on you, or whatever, or conversely want to kill you or feel disgusted by you, who just want to get to know you for who you are. Don't take it for anything more than it is, a chance to expand your horizons by meeting someone from a different background and mindset than you.

The world is full of a myriad of different people, from different cultures, religions, races, outlooks, personalities and orientations; its a much bigger and better place because of it. The more we can learn and adopt from the people around us, and from the best selection of those different people the bigger and better person we become.

 

[MorrisseyX]

Hi, actually he's from India and I think I may have jumped the gun. We only went to a donut shop and the food he paid for was only an orange juice and a donut nothing special.



Anyway, I just received an e-mail from him he wished me good luck with my final year in university. He also said in his last e-mail " next time you are in Toronto and plan on watching a movie, let me know, we'll try and meet up."

So maybe I made a new friend? He doesn't care that I'm gay but I can't think of a movie I want to see at the moment. So I will concentrate on myself right now.

You're right, now if I do want to see a movie it's got to be something we can see together as friends.

I wish I never saw Ninja Assassin that movie was terrible!

So he's a nice straight guy and I guess my crush on him was totally my mistake and fault for douting his heterosexuality.

I learned my lesson. Just because a man is nice to me doesn't mean he's gay.

 

[KaraBulut]

I never had a friendship with a straight man before I guess he just wanted to be my friend and I was wrong about him.

I met this guy at a meetup.com movie group because I have issues with social phobia and I wanted to make new friends.

Anyway, I guess my mind got carried away. I let him know that I was wrong for thinking he was confused, gay, or bisexual.

I guess there are really some nice genuine straight men out there. I know this might sound odd but, why would a straight man want to get to know me?

Lessons you've learned:

1. Stereotypes aren't beneficial for anyone. Straight men like movies, too (even if it is ninja movies).
2. It's wrong to judge people based solely upon their sexuality.
3. People are generally social and want to do things with other people.
4. The question of whether people are gay or straight is not a taboo subject when you're getting to know someone. You shouldn't apologize for being gay and you shouldn't apologize for asking someone else whether they are gay or straight.
5. Everyone would be better off if they were open to new things and new people.

 

[altlover85]

I was interested in seeing Ninja Assassian, but when I learned more about it, it seemed over the top gory. I like action movies and horror movies. There are gay guys that like all sorts of movies and all sorts of different activities. You couldn't pay me to watch Princess and the Frog because that's a kids movie in my mind. Everyone is different.

Good luck at school this upcoming year!

 

[altlover85]

I think the second one is more widespread. The first one isn't. I could be wrong.

 

[moschj]

Let's not forget there are a lot of guys out there that are confused about their sexuality and don't want to admit it to you or themselves. He walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, so maybe he is a duck, but if he is a duck, it sounds like it will take some time before he realizes it and can discuss it with you. But maybe he has a limp and talks funny. If YOU like him as a friend, hang out with him some more and see what happens.

 

[Seasoned]

Take him up on his offer of friendship. He may be having a hard time fitting in and he noticed you were accepting of him. Straight guys in packs can be scairy. I still remember high school. Be a friend. Invite him to a movie and treat him to a beverage and a snack.

I think that you might have have made a life-long friend. Btw, most of my friends are straight.

 

[kguy3387]

Most of my friends are straight guys. I don't ever think about them sexually. Really. Usually when i start hanging out with a new friend who is straight-acting, things are exactly as they seem. He is straight and we are just hanging.

We also smoke a lot of stogies. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar?

 

[texan_slant]

Now this is where I probably went wrong. My female friend said maybe he's gay or bisexual.

OK, your friend pulled this out of a hat! This is such a random thing to say.

I never assume that someone is gay unless I hear it from the horse's mouth, which was the case this time, because you asked, and he told you!

...however, it took a super long list of stereotypes an assumptions before you asked.

...and yes, straight guys, don't mind having gay guys as friends, cuz all of my guy friends are straight.

 

[KaraBulut]

Not to derail- but it is it some kind of stereotype that straight guys don't like movies? Or that they don't like good movies?

Also, is it still a stereotype that straight guys don't care about Art (as in high art- symphonies, paintings, poetry, cinema, theater, etc?)

The term "chick flick" exists for a reason.

It's harder to find straight guys who like emotional or slow-paced movies- at least in the US. They'll go if it is a date but given the choice, most would rather be seeing an action picture or at a sports bar.

It is a great find when you run across a guy who can talk about sports and the arts- whether they are gay or straight.

 

[Lube]

Let's not forget there are a lot of guys out there that are confused about their sexuality and don't want to admit it to you or themselves. He walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, so maybe he is a duck, but if he is a duck, it sounds like it will take some time before he realizes it and can discuss it with you. But maybe he has a limp and talks funny. If YOU like him as a friend, hang out with him some more and see what happens.

I agree with this.

I think what really happened is that he likes you, is unsure about his own sexuality, really liked going to the movies with you, and felt rejected when you took several weeks to ask him out to the next movie.

Just sayin'.

 

[altlover85]

Even if this guy is in the closet, you have to proceed as if he is being honest with you. There's no point in getting your hopes up about someone who may or may not be gay. You need to be with someone who is available to you now.

 

[TX-Beau]

Even if this guy is in the closet, you have to proceed as if he is being honest with you. There's no point in getting your hopes up about someone who may or may not be gay. You need to be with someone who is available to you now.

Second, closet cases are effectively straight. They're in the closet because the don't want to be gay. This always means they aren't going to date you. You are what they're running away from.

 

[Lube]

Second, closet cases are effectively straight. They're in the closet because the don't want to be gay. This always means they aren't going to date you. You are what they're running away from.

Except in this case he paid for food, and asked him to another movie.

You seem to be talking more about a guy in denial than a closeted guy. I think there's a difference. And this friend doesn't yet seem to be either, in any case. More curious than anything.

 

[MorrisseyX]

I don't think he is a closet case. I admit, I don't really know him. I met him twice and I assumed when he didn't want to see the Princess & The Frog he didn't want to get to know me. But he contacted me last night via e-mail and it seems he wants to become my friend.

I was wrong to make the assumption he might be interested in me in that way. He told me last night via e-mail that he is "mesmerized by the ladies" and so that means he is straight.

I accept this, and I was wrong for thinking otherwise.

I think I can be his friend. I never had a straight male friend before.

I think I am learning a lot from this experience to not make incorrect assumptions about someone.

I am learning there are good nice straight men out there.

He wants to watch movies with me and I am cool with that.

 

[altlover85]

I think there's confusion between awkward straight guy and closet case. Yes he could be gay, but what's the use in all the conjecture if he's not willing to come out to the OP.

 

[Lube]

I think there's confusion between awkward straight guy and closet case. Yes he could be gay, but what's the use in all the conjecture if he's not willing to come out to the OP.

I just don't buy the "he must be straight because he says he is". What percent of gay guys pretend to be straight before coming out, 99.9%?! Sure, some guys see something that just isn't there, but I think in general our first guesses are better than we admit.

I also subscribe to the "we make friends who are very much like ourselves" theory. Not clones, or even introversion/extroversion (in fact, opposites attract there), but more in terms of interests--including sexual interests.

I'm not telling the OP to jump his friend's bones. I'm just saying keep an open mind and see how it plays out.

 

[irudesan]

Aww, i think your post is very cute

Yes, straight men can sometimes act in ways that we dont understand, because we often have the stereotyped image. But that really depends on the person, the way he was raised and all that stuff. He seems just like a guy looking for friends, maybe he is feeling lonely sometimes, or his friends just doesnt like movies or whatever the reason. And some guys have paid food for me and it doesnt mean anything, i often do it too, and its just being nice.

And yes, there are people out there that want to know people for what they are, not for whom they sleep with, and some people are way more social than others.

Anyways, just keep going and see where that goes, maybe you can discover more things in common beside movies and get to know each other better. Its a very good feeling to find a friend that shares a lot of things in common with you.

Good luck

 

[kguy3387]

The term "chick flick" exists for a reason.

It's harder to find straight guys who like emotional or slow-paced movies- at least in the US. They'll go if it is a date but given the choice, most would rather be seeing an action picture or at a sports bar.

It is a great find when you run across a guy who can talk about sports and the arts- whether they are gay or straight.

Sigh. more stereotypes. i'll have you know that i love mindless action and sci-fi flicks and several of my straight friends love Disney movies.

Oh and i just saw this on netflix. it was awesome!!!!

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbGVIdA3dx0[/ame]