I will never find a boyfriend

[Reporter Patton]

and it's my very own fault! I am Christian and as you probably see a lot on here, am always very conflicted about my feelings. Often times I will feel turned on by a guy and want a bf, and other times i feel it's wrong. I've had a few close encounters with some nice guys (which seems rare up here) but I always end up flaking out and I feel like a jerk, tho i would never want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I also don't want a bf as one would typically think of it. I just want a nice cute guy that that is laid back and I can feel comfortable with. I want a passionate man with a regular sex drive (mine is pretty high). That's all i want! But not only is it hard to find, I make it 10 times worse by my conflictions and living in Alaska does not help, but I think it's stupid to move somewhere else just cuz I think they're more guys there.

 

[lonnie1]

May I suggest that you see the movie Religilous starring Bill Maher. I, too, grew up Christian and still believe in many of the basic premises, but churches tend to distort what Chrisitanity is really all about. If that is your picture, you'll have no problem finding a guy. You're really cute and there are thousands of guys who would love to get to know you better. You need to feel comfortable about your sexuality and learn that it is not something to be embarrassed about, but rather something that is extremely enjoyable and best when shared with someone you really care about.

 

[Críostóir]

It would be a good idea to seek counseling. Make sure it's a counselor who's neutral on the subject of Christianity, and gay-friendly. Resolving the conflicts will help you decide how to live your life.

And is "more guys elsewhere" really the ONLY reason you can think of to leave Alaska? I'm asking because it's a state so relentlessly bleak that they have to pay people to live there. I've also heard it's incredibly beautiful. But, you know, life. And like that.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Well, it sounds like your Christianity hasn't prevented you from thinking a lot about what kind of guy you're looking for. That's the good news.

The not-so-great news is that he may be somewhat hard to find. He has to be cute, nice, and laid back, passionate but with an average sex drive, and presumably he has to live in Alaska.

The question is, can you find what you're looking for? The obvious answer is, probably not right away. You may need to look for a while. That means you may have to go on a lot of dates, or whatever you want to call it, before you find him. You're not going to find him by just sitting at home thinking about it.

So put yourself out there, take a chance on people who may not seem perfect right off the bat. Some guys improve when you know them better.

And don't worry about "flaking out." If you meet a guy who wants to have sex with you, and you don't feel like it, there's nothing wrong with turning him down.

But you've got to at least make yourself available or you're not going to meet anybody. (And I don't think it makes any difference at all where you live.)

 

[midnight81]

I think, rather than Religulous, you should check out the documentary FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO. It gives a great perspective on the bible's teachings on homosexuality and why it's possible to still be a good Christian and be OK with homosexuality (your own or others).

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I'm just too picky to ever end up with anyone. He has to be PERFECT.

Shouldn't be a problem, if you're PERFECT yourself...

 

[Sportsguy313]

I also don't want a bf as one would typically think of it. I just want a nice cute guy that that is laid back and I can feel comfortable with. I want a passionate man with a regular sex drive (mine is pretty high). That's all i want!

I think that's pretty much what most guys want. What do you think is typical then?

 

[trawler69]

I have a bit of trouble understanding the "Christian conflictions" I have never managed to find any credible teaching in a modern context that says homosexuality is wrong. In fact the main tenets of Christian religions focus on a moral code which includes the ten commandments and such things as "Love your neighbour as yourself"

If you are worried about those that preach the book of Leviticus have a look at all the other "Abominations" although interestingly it is also Leviticus that states the "love your neighbour as yourself"

I mean ask yourself who are you really harming by being Gay? If you go into denial however, at best you are depriving a fellow Gay man and yourself of potential happiness. At worst you will live your life as a lie, possibly with a woman, eventually it will all go wrong and you will be able to deny it no more and create even more misery and heart ache. This is hardly in the Christian spirit that is supposed to promulgate love, happiness and understanding.

Please be honest with yourself and go out there, have fun and make yourself and others happy by being who you are.

 

[Críostóir]

As far as Christianity is concerned, you can really discard Leviticus. The vast majority of the people who will quote any part of Leviticus against gays aren't keeping all the dietary and clothing laws Leviticus lays down, and there's a passage in one of the Gospels (can't remember which one) where Jesus says something to the effect that you're not allowed to criticize your neighbor for breaking some part of the law unless you keep every last bit of it yourself. So if you eat shrimp you can't get all righteous about someone else eating cock.

I'd say, don't feel any guiltier about being gay (based on Leviticus) than about eating shrimp or cheeseburgers or wearing blended fabrics, all of which Leviticus prohibits. (Just about the only people who keep all those rules are Orthodox Jews, and they won't criticize YOU for breaking them, because they, unlike the wacko Christian Right, know that those rules are for the Chosen People (i.e. Jews, i.e. NOT YOU--which doesn't help gay Orthodox boys, but that's not really relevant now).

The other main place in the bible that talks about homosexuality is Paul. Ask yourself if you think slaves should stay with their masters, women should be silent in church, and that it's a sin to wear red. If not, take his comments about homosexuality with a grain (or truckload) of salt as well. He was a man of his times, and you can't just take what he says unmodified, or you become a retrowacko.

My favorite part of the Old Testament is Micah 6:8.

8 He has told you, O mortal, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?

[NSRV] I think that's a pretty good response to anyone who quotes Leviticus. Ask them if they're being just to you by persecuting you for being gay. Ask them if they're being kind to you. Ask you if they think they're showing humility by presuming to know God's plan for you.

That's the whole problem with these bibliolaters. They think they know God's mind, which would be the sin of Pride (what we Pagans call Hubris). And by holding the Bible to be sacred (which is a heresy, by the way*), they are trying to restrict God, in that they are claiming that He can't do anything new.

But I still think you need to get out of Alaska, which is so red it's almost Russia! Move to a blue state, or to Canada, and your life will be easier.


*I always thought the Bible was supposed to be the Word of God, but a Christian with more knowledge than I explained to me recently that this is absolutely not the case: JESUS CHRIST is the Word (logos) of God.

 

[Lalada]

and it's my very own fault! I am Christian and as you probably see a lot on here, am always very conflicted about my feelings. Often times I will feel turned on by a guy and want a bf, and other times i feel it's wrong. I've had a few close encounters with some nice guys (which seems rare up here) but I always end up flaking out and I feel like a jerk, tho i would never want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I also don't want a bf as one would typically think of it. I just want a nice cute guy that that is laid back and I can feel comfortable with. I want a passionate man with a regular sex drive (mine is pretty high). That's all i want! But not only is it hard to find, I make it 10 times worse by my conflictions and living in Alaska does not help, but I think it's stupid to move somewhere else just cuz I think they're more guys there.

Firstly, it's only your fault if it's your fault, and we have yet to determine that. Us guys are quick to jump off the Christianity and religion wagon as soon as we think we're gay, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with us, or the religion. It's what it means to us that defines it.

What does Christianity mean to you? Unfortunately, most Christians would or could only give a very text-book answer about Jesus dying for our sins and an eternally loving God. Heaven and Hell.

Christianity can mean you believe in repercussions for your actions, and fear that this loving God will condemn you to Hell. Yet at the same time though we find Jesus Christ wanting us all to get along. So just like the people who cherry-pick bits of discrimination out of the Bible, so too are there people who can cherry-pick the good parts, in my opinion, the best parts, of the Bible. Love, forgiveness, faith.

I was raised a Christian in Montreal and attended church where I live now on Vancouver Island. I don't go anymore. I don't feel I have to. I felt a lot of things though reconciling my identity with my faith. I was depressed for a long time. But things turned around. Not immediately but slowly.

I feel this is important that you understand it is not sufficient to accept what other people say of your faith. It is not sufficient to have people describe to you your religion or philosophy or ethos. It is not sufficient to accept what people believe you should. You have to ask yourself these questions because nobody else will.

So to stop, your conflictions are as deep and wide as you make them. If you live right by the Lord than his sheep can't mock you or disapprove of you. They have their own specks of wood and planks of wood in their own eyes they need to remove first before judging you.

And as for the boyfriend thing, I'm sure you'll find the nicest guy up there, or wherever you choose to live. My only warning is that you don't settle for some cheap sex in some haste and then regret it the next day.

Take care!

 

[SashaLex]

I swear joining this forum is the best therapy a person can find!

I myself am a staunch Catholic, where committing in any homosexual activities is considered a 'mortal sin', which basically means that your soul will just go straight to hell. I personally choose to be a christian because of what I believe it to be- a guide for us to live our lives as a better person. But everything taken in moderation is good, once you take the bibles verses word for word to the singlest 'T', that's extremism to me.

But anyway, I've got a really funny story, on Saturday, us Catholics have this celebration called the Feast of All Saints, which is a compulsory day for us to attend church. And Saturday was, coincidently, the same day that I was to have my FIRST date with this guy I've been chatting with online.

So during the homily our Priest was saying, 'God wants you to live a holy live, just as the saints did...' And the whole time I was thinking, 'Having a date with a guy... hrm... Holy?'

But anyway, I used to think like you do, that basically 'God hates fag', but nowadays I see Christianity is a different light, how can something that preaches about being loving and kind to one another condemn a whole group of people? Just doesn't make sense.

But anyway, lol Críostóir, I just happen to be living in Russia right now! It's not really Red still, I kid you not! More like... Purple? (that's halfway between red and blue, right?)