Silvernitrate
Porn Star
I wish I could come out, but I can't and I feel so stupid and selfish for not doing it. I mean, I'm not totally closeted, a handful of people know, but it's not many.
I remember when I was 16 my parents confronted me about it. I had just read an email from a guy I was talking to from my school, and he didn't say anything dirty, but at the end of the message he said, "see you at school tomorrow hottie, call me before you go to bed so I can hear your voice" I went to go meet my other friends for a game of basketball, and left the email open by accident.
I played it off as him being stupid. I tried to throw in the gay stereotypical card in, and said we don't meet the criteria of being a queeny gay person at all! I felt like a jerk for using it, but it worked.
But see,, my parents are completely accepting of gay people! I remember I was watching the news with my parents and the subject of gay marriage came on. My dad said, "That's so sad how two people who really love each can't get married, that's so wrong!" Inside I was so happy to hear him say that! But I just sat there quietly watching the news.
Some time later, my dad's brother came out of the closet, and they were like, oh okay that's cool. Everyone in my family now knows his boyfriend and they all ask him to come to their parties and what not. they really like him. My parents also have gay friends.
I just wish I could come out, but I can't. It's not that I'm scared of getting rejected from my parents. They're very accepting of the lifestyle, they don't even see it as a big deal. The rest of my family is the same way.
I just can't come out though, and I feel like shit! I mean, I've been to gay bars and all of that, but luckily my favorite clubs and bars happen to be the straight ones. Another thing that helps is that I am not looking for a relationship at all! I dont even see me in a relationship in the near future because of my job. Even if I wanted to, wether its a boy or girl, I couldn't do it, because of my schedule and the things I have to do, and I'd be a shitty bf because I have to go to so many places.
Only certain people know why I cannot come out, and I have to work on being in the closet. I know after some time though, a very long time from now I will come out, but nows not the time.
I'm just kind of worried that some people will try and out me before I come out. I have dated a few guys, but we both kept it VERY low key, it was ridiculous. Except my last boyfriend. I dont regret anything with him, he was and is a good guy!
I just wish I had a more normal lifestyle like everyone else and was able to do the things I wanted without worrying. Because of this, I have not been able to pursue so many amazing guys and tell them I'm straight! grrr.. it kills me when I tell them! I cant even look them in the eye! I will NEVER use a girl as a cover up. That is so mean and selfish.
Another thing, I got my fraternity to realize that a lot of gay guys are really cool and they dont want to jump your bones. Some of them were already gay, but complete closet cases(Like me). I went and sought out guys who played sports or important rolls on campus and dealt with homosexuality at the same time, most had it tough. Now, some of those guys are the best brothers! Our fraternity has got a lot of positive recognition for tolerating homosexuality, and now they have an unwritten rule saying that gay basing is illegal in their house. Now, there are a lot of gay guys who are asked to join, and many do!
After organizing most of this myself, I still didn't even come out! Even though I saw all my straight brothers showing the same brotherly love and affection to them as they did me, I still wasn't able to do it, because I can't! And not being able to, kills me!
I remember when I was 16 my parents confronted me about it. I had just read an email from a guy I was talking to from my school, and he didn't say anything dirty, but at the end of the message he said, "see you at school tomorrow hottie, call me before you go to bed so I can hear your voice" I went to go meet my other friends for a game of basketball, and left the email open by accident.
I played it off as him being stupid. I tried to throw in the gay stereotypical card in, and said we don't meet the criteria of being a queeny gay person at all! I felt like a jerk for using it, but it worked.
But see,, my parents are completely accepting of gay people! I remember I was watching the news with my parents and the subject of gay marriage came on. My dad said, "That's so sad how two people who really love each can't get married, that's so wrong!" Inside I was so happy to hear him say that! But I just sat there quietly watching the news.
Some time later, my dad's brother came out of the closet, and they were like, oh okay that's cool. Everyone in my family now knows his boyfriend and they all ask him to come to their parties and what not. they really like him. My parents also have gay friends.
I just wish I could come out, but I can't. It's not that I'm scared of getting rejected from my parents. They're very accepting of the lifestyle, they don't even see it as a big deal. The rest of my family is the same way.
I just can't come out though, and I feel like shit! I mean, I've been to gay bars and all of that, but luckily my favorite clubs and bars happen to be the straight ones. Another thing that helps is that I am not looking for a relationship at all! I dont even see me in a relationship in the near future because of my job. Even if I wanted to, wether its a boy or girl, I couldn't do it, because of my schedule and the things I have to do, and I'd be a shitty bf because I have to go to so many places.
Only certain people know why I cannot come out, and I have to work on being in the closet. I know after some time though, a very long time from now I will come out, but nows not the time.
I'm just kind of worried that some people will try and out me before I come out. I have dated a few guys, but we both kept it VERY low key, it was ridiculous. Except my last boyfriend. I dont regret anything with him, he was and is a good guy!
I just wish I had a more normal lifestyle like everyone else and was able to do the things I wanted without worrying. Because of this, I have not been able to pursue so many amazing guys and tell them I'm straight! grrr.. it kills me when I tell them! I cant even look them in the eye! I will NEVER use a girl as a cover up. That is so mean and selfish.
Another thing, I got my fraternity to realize that a lot of gay guys are really cool and they dont want to jump your bones. Some of them were already gay, but complete closet cases(Like me). I went and sought out guys who played sports or important rolls on campus and dealt with homosexuality at the same time, most had it tough. Now, some of those guys are the best brothers! Our fraternity has got a lot of positive recognition for tolerating homosexuality, and now they have an unwritten rule saying that gay basing is illegal in their house. Now, there are a lot of gay guys who are asked to join, and many do!
After organizing most of this myself, I still didn't even come out! Even though I saw all my straight brothers showing the same brotherly love and affection to them as they did me, I still wasn't able to do it, because I can't! And not being able to, kills me!