I would like someones perspective about my predicament.

[Jhnnybgd1881]

This is a long story so hopefully some of you have the time to read it. Ive been in a relationship for 2 years now. Our relationship hasn't much grown in the past 2 years (ex: moving in together) he messages me 3 days ago and tells me he needs a break because of his promotion at work( he works at a bond agency as a bondsman{if that is even the correct way of saying it}) So he works 6 days a week and on his day off he is busy doing things for his mother or anything in between that needs to be done because he didnt have time for. He hasnt spent much time with me before and after his promotion. We talk for a few minutes a day or message each other. We rarely go on trips together. lately he feels that when we do meet its just sex and he feels like its empty. Even though he enjoys spending time with me. I do also. Another issue is that he is 27 years older than me (im 23) He wanted to break up with me during the summer because he feels like why someone my age wants to spend time with an old man like him (he does not look it at all). All i want is to spend time with him. Its more than just sex. There is something so unique about him that I havent experienced in another human being and im so passionate about him in our relationship. he is stressed at work to the point he cant spend time with me and there are days he just doesnt want to talk at all to anyone. Right now ill be starting a nursing program soon and ill be able to keep myself busy and not have to think about him. i respect his wishes on being apart but i just dont know how to feel about it. Right now my focus is my career in nursing while he focuses on work and both of us on being the best we can be. I asked him if he was breaking up with me and all he said was that he wasnt. Its a break. no need to think about it..its just a break He doesnt want to end it with me but right now he just doesnt have the time for me. I can call him if I want and he loves me and will support me. He just doesnt want the stress of being able to balance a relationship, family, work, and other things in his life that are coming left and right.
There are other reasons why I dont see him often. he has a room mate who is an ex of his. The ex doesnt want me in the house while the ex is at home. They also bought the house together, so he has financial ties to the house as well as a property they bought together that they rent out. He isnt in a great spot to be financially to buy an apartment either and move out. He also is taking care of his mother who has mental issues. As for me...
I have some work experience but im mostly a full time student finishing my pre reqs for nursing. i live with an uncle and he has supported me since i have been going to school.
I just want someones incite about my situation. i understand that it would be best right now to focus on what we have facing us coming soon (me for nursing, him for his new job) at the same time i feel like its a start in the direction to losing someone who i have barely been able to know for the last 2 years.

 

[TX-Beau]

...He just doesnt want the stress of being able to balance a relationship, family, work, and other things in his life that are coming left and right...

And yet that's exactly what thousands upon thousands of people do. Why is it that to him your relationship is a source of stress not a source of support?

 

[Benvolio]

I don't have the impression you are in love with him or him you. His living with an ex who doesn't want to see you is suspicious. Sounds a bit like he has two love lives. His comments, like he doesn't know why you like him sounds like he is letting you down gently. You are young and can find others. I think it is time for you to move on.

 

[Jhnnybgd1881]

I love him a lot. When we first started seeing each other he said "i love you" first. From there I have been passionate about this man ever since he has said that.

 

[TX-Beau]

Which does nothing to help you.

If you aren't a priority in his life you just aren't.

 

[Seasoned]

You got hooked and he hasn't given you what you need. I also think his ex is no longer an ex if he ever was. I think it's time to dive into school and do some casual dating while he takes his break. Any chance he no longer can keep making excuses to the "ex" and that's why he is creating this distance? I'm puzzled as to why his ex gets to set ground rules. They do have the option to sell the house even if it means a loss. I know I would if my ex thought he could still run my life.

It's possible he hasn't been honest with you. Perhaps he and the old boyfriend opened their relationship 2 years ago and now have once again become monogamous. Perhaps he's told him the two of you stopped having sex and are now just friends. Perhaps he's now more accountable as far as his time goes.

I know it's all conjecture, but I'm suspicious of someone who doesn't have time for a primary relationship.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Jhnnybgd1881,

First of all, welcome to JustUsBoys. Its good you have asked your question over here.

You told us: There are other reasons why I dont see him often. he has a room mate who is an ex of his. The ex doesnt want me in the house while the ex is at home. and I don't understand this at all. Why is he behaving like that (Seasoned already gave some ideas / suggestions).

Hey man, your friend has his right to meet and see and invite to his own house anyone he likes. Why bother about the ideas / opinions of a room mate? Excuse me very much, but I don't understand this at all. You have a relationship with your friend, and his room mate (be it his ex) tells your friend that you are not allowed to visit him when he (= the ex) around?? Towards my opinion, this is quite ridiculous.

So I would like to suggest to you to talk about this with your friend, and as soon as possible. Hey man, your friend is a very busy guy (so he has not much time to be together with you), and on top of that his ex prevents that you visit him when he is around.

Feel free to react, and I would like to wish you all the best.