if there was a "cure" for homosexuality

[gogol2009]

let me start by saying i KNOW that this is a thread that might be offensive to some people and i really really apologize if i do offend anyone, but i really want to see if other people can understand my situation or feelings or answer my questions... again i dont mean to offend you so please feel free to disagree but try to be constructive -- this is a forum for help and opinions and this is the only place in the world i would feel comfortable asking these questions.

ok so ted haggard has been in the news recently claiming that he is "cured" of homosexuality-- lets just all agree that is a crock of shit. i know you cant "cure" gay-and esp by thinking or praying it away-ill admit it-- ive tried.

and i agree it is NOT a disease or mental problem or birth defect. but i do think that homosexuality is combination of nature and nurture. so lets just say for instance that some scientist discovered tomorrow that there was a combination of hormones that caused a homosexuality in some cases and could find a way to reverse it... would you take the "pill" or "shots" or whatever?

--- now let me say this i would. its not because i hate gay people-- i LOVE gay people and the culture and hate homophobia and discrimination. i just know for ME-- not for everyone-- but FOR ME i cant live my life as an out of the closet homosexual. im so proud my gay friends that have come out and i really hope that they find love and acceptence-- but its not what i want.

i come from a very tight-knit first generation asian-american, ultra-conservative, christian family. so for me to come out would mean very probably an end of my relationship with my parents, def i would lose some of my extended family over it-- including young cousins, neices and nephews, i would lose my church (im pretty religous, lots of people that i grew up with etc. even if by some miracle all of these people didnt cut me out of their lives-- it would be a stilted relationship-- ive seen the way they treat people who marry outside of the race or outside of the church. i know its wrong but that is my reality

so for me the choice is and always will be-- do i chose to come out so i can love some unknown person that may or may not eventually come into my life? or do i chose be able to continue have my family and basically my culture--whom i already love and really dont wanna imagine living without. i choose my family-- i may regret it one day but thats what i think.

so really long story even longer-- would you in your personal life want a "cure"?(honestly i hate that word in this context--sorry) or do you think that being gay is too much a part of who you are and/or the gay culture is too important?

 

[LynxHeliFlyer]

i think it is in your best interest in the long term for your happiness to come out. if you lose your family, fine. it will hurt, but what is worse is living a lie for years and years and years. not being yourself and hiding who you are... it will be like torture....

i dont know how old you are and if you're getting a college education or what not, but i would wait to come out untill you are graduated from college and semi-selfsufficient. this is becasue if you really will be totally cut off from your family you dont want to become homeless... you are in control of when your relationships will be severed and you should take advantage of that control... (this is not selfish, it is looking out for your well being in an enviornment that is hostile and closeminded--survival of the fittest)

 

[gogol2009]

hey thanks for your advice lynx-- i take it from your answer that you wouldnt take the "cure"

in my paticular case- yes i am self sufficent- in my late 20s. im not worried about the "monetary" problems of being alone-- its more of the being alone in the world-- i am very close with my family. thats the thing-- i dont think of this as a hostile environment-- its my family~ where i feel most loved!

im just saying to me it would be really great if i woke up tomorrow and i wasn't gay-- life would be easier--

a) i could get married-- the way i want to and have imagined too- in a church with my family and friends- not alone in a civil ceremony not recognized by law.

b) i could watch a child grow in my womb instead of wading into the mess of gay adoption.

c) i could display affection in public without getting stares ( i live in the south).

d) my family would approve of my life

my point i guess is that its easier even in 2010 to be straight-- so is being gay worth the effort to yall? would you go for the easier path if it was made available?

 

[rareboy]

but FOR ME i cant live my life as an out of the closet homosexual. im so proud my gay friends that have come out and i really hope that they find love and acceptence-- but its not what i want.

i come from a very tight-knit first generation asian-american, ultra-conservative, christian family. so for me to come out would mean very probably an end of my relationship with my parents, def i would lose some of my extended family over it-- including young cousins, neices and nephews, i would lose my church (im pretty religous, lots of people that i grew up with etc. even if by some miracle all of these people didnt cut me out of their lives-- it would be a stilted relationship-- ive seen the way they treat people who marry outside of the race or outside of the church. i know its wrong but that is my reality

so for me the choice is and always will be-- do i chose to come out so i can love some unknown person that may or may not eventually come into my life? or do i chose be able to continue have my family and basically my culture--whom i already love and really dont wanna imagine living without. i choose my family-- i may regret it one day but thats what i think.

What a shame.

No. I wouldn't have taken a 'cure' for something that is so inherent to who I am as a person.

Heaven's to Betsy, boy....you are really good at making a list of all the things you think you might lose by being an out homo, but have you ever thought of all the things you'd gain?

I think because you're young and have a limited imagination, you can't imagine what embracing different experiences and lifestyles are about. I love a lot of things about my heritage as well, but it is not some straitjacket that binds me or solely defines me.

I've been out since 18. I have been with the same partner for 27ish years. I am successful in business and we are totally accepted in our community. didn't have to lose the parents. didn't have to give up anything except for the burden of hiding an essential part of my soul.

Oh. And by the way, neither God or Christ had anything to say directly about homos. they did have a lot to say about other things, but look hard and I doubt you'll ever find a reference to homosexuality in the ten commandments or in the teachings of Jesus. And frankly those are the only things that any good Christian need worry about.

 

[gogol2009]

thanks rareboy. thats really a helpful post i havent actually thought of what i would gain. i hope that this doesnt sound flippant-- cuz its not intended to-- but what do you think that a gay relationship has that a straight one doesnt?

i mean obviously in this lifetime i cant have a fulfilled relationship with a woman-- but i mean weather you love a man or a woman isnt love the same? so why if i had the choice would i want to be gay? i really feel like that is gonna come across rude but please belive it is an honest question.

congrats on your 27 years with your partner- i hope you have many many more- but as you said you didnt lose your parents or anything. i envy you b/c i KNOW i would lose sooo much. thats just the way my culture is- even if my parents could accept the fact that i wont ever marry or accept me having a husband-- i know it would be embarassing for them because a majority of the people in their world wouldnt be able to accept me. and i love them too much to want to put them through that.

and i 10000000000% agree with you that God does not hate homosexuality-- i belive that even though some so-called Christian evangelical groups wanna quote me obscure scripture and tell me its a "sin" then thats fine-- but the Bible also says that no sin is greater or lesser than any other in God's eyes so my being gay is on par with your spreading hate and judgement-- so we are both sinners. and let he who is without sin cast the first stone

my concern isnt about losing God-- its the community of my church-- immigrants who came together- people who raised me and grew up with me-- i would have to give them up.

 

[LynxHeliFlyer]

my point i guess is that its easier even in 2010 to be straight-- so is being gay worth the effort to yall? would you go for the easier path if it was made available?

i would say that eventually you will find that it is better to be yourself (and therefore happy with ppl around you that genuinely care about you regardless of who you'e attracted to) and you will never find that until you relieve yourself of this burden...

you need to liberate your soul from the unhealthy atmosphere that it's in now... it WILL be hard, esp judging from your comments, but it will all work out in the end.....

and no, i definitely would NOT take a pill to become straight, knowing that those feelings are the work of a pharmaceutical company, and not my natural ones... it would be terrible...

i used to want that, and i recently was in a heterosexual relationship trying to become "not gay" and it was terrible and felt awful. i alienated my family and friends and it was not good. not good at all.... i'm still in the closet, but waiting for that right moment in the future to reveal it to my whole family and friends (i've told my sisters and a handful of close friends)

 

[LynxHeliFlyer]

my concern isnt about losing God-- its the community of my church-- immigrants who came together- people who raised me and grew up with me-- i would have to give them up.

you WILL find a new SUPPORTIVE community, whether it be a gay friendly church, your fellow JUB-ers or a few (or one) friends that accept you, and of course your future partner(s)!!

 

[Enigma63]

i would not take the cure, you are lying to yourself and your friends and family, you should tell them that you are gay and if they don't accept it , it is their lost. love should be unconditional when it comes to families and they should accept you as god made you. if they don't then they are a bunch of fucking hypocrites.

 

[hotb0d]

if you're going to lose your church, go find one that will accept you. I'm Asian and I find it's hard to be a religious Christian. I mean come on, the religion has no inclusiveness of Asian whatsoever. How do you relate?

What you need to worry with a tight knit Asian family is the typical tradition. Sons suppose to live with their parents, get married, have kids, blah blah. My parents know I'm gay and they told me to not tell the other relatives and I agree with them. I think if you're going to come to your parents, just do it carefully. Appeal to their parental love because to be honest, they're Asian and you're their son. They're not going to abandon you.

And if you're going to come out, do it because you feel like it's the only way for you to live your life. Don't do it because you're expecting a guy to come into you life once you're out. You might be disappointed if you have that notion.

 

[Nomenclature]

I think a lot of people would while they're still young and struggling with their sexuality; Most people would do ANYTHING to avoid the whole "coming out" process and the perceived "gay stereotypes" and "lifestyle", etc etc. But I think once you come to terms with your sexuality as an individual, you just don't want to change it for anything in the world.

Would I have taken the "cure" when I was like, 12? Definitely.

Would I now? Fuck no.

 

[Kennylingus]

That's a really complicated question. I am a Christian and it would clear the issues related to that up...but whole picture I don't think I'd take it. And it's not about some insano pride I'm supposed to have over something I had no choice or control over. I really just think I'd be the same person more or less if I were straight and in the hetero world that person would be a total freak...and as a gay guy I'm pretty much normal.

Oh and man sex is fucking awesome and I wouldn't give that up for all the cooters in the world.

 

[Kennylingus]

Jocks, cocks, and appletinis.

 

[Sha-Rok]

I'm having too much fun..

 

[blahster]

Your post really struck me. I get where you're coming from...I'm a first gen Filipino (i guess we pass as "Asian," lol) raised in a Catholic family in conservative O.C. It would definitely be easier if i weren't gay and I fulfilled all the lofty goals my parents set out for me to marry a woman and have kids. But I realized that they're not the ones living my life and that I shouldn't live my life for the sake of their happiness. I know it sounds selfish, but if you think about it, your relatives/community members/etc... are being even more selfish forcing/wanting you to conform to their own set standards and expectations. In short, no, I wouldn't "cure" myself because I enjoy not having to live my life according to anyone else's wishes.

 

[trikky]

like one of the other posters said the question is really a matter of perspective. I think before reaching self acceptance a lot of guys would have taken the cure but after self acceptance no. Although my sexuality does not define me and is only a small part of my being, it has shaped me into the person that I am and taking a pill now to cure myself essentially means I am rejecting the person that I am, because I wouldn't be me if I was straight, I'd be somebody else entirely, so no I wouldn't take it even though it would make life a lot less complex.

 

[Shawn1]

See the movie "Hard Pill" for one take on this question. Its been on Logo in the states.

I would not take the 'cure' as there is no 'cure' for life. Wherever you are on Kinsey's scale is just another part of that adventure.

 

[aneal_lingus]

I've come out and have built a life for myself that I am rather comfortable with. Friends, family, and school are all about where I want them to be. I wouldn't take the pill because I don't think it is necessary to be happier. Less complicated, maybe a little, but not happier.

I also won't pretend I fully understand why anyone else would take the pill, but I would support it. If someone is in a situation where a single action could make their life even a tiny bit easier without hurting anyone, then I am all for it, awesome.

HOWEVER, I would definitely advise the person to go as far as they can with the cards they were dealt before attempting to change what was given to them.

Good luck with your situation Gogol2009. I hope you'll be able to look back and laugh at whatever you're going through with all the same people still at your side

 

[Lube]

Would you take a pill to "cure" your asianness? Or your "christianness"?

 

[KaraBulut]

I would be much happier if there were a cure for homophobia.

I'm not the one who needs a cure.

 

[Telstra]

yeah when i was young homosexual sucks because of outside pressure.

Now i'm independent, i do what i want.
Outside pressure is not important anymore if you are independent and free to do things.