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if there was a "cure" for homosexuality

Every guy who has ever been in the closet wanted a cure. Some guys went ahead and married women, they didn't get a cure either. They got decades of soul death and the condemnation of taking some poor girl along for the ride.

Here's life. You're not going to get a cure. Daydreaming about one is natural, when you are still trying to come to terms with yourself. But in the end we are who we are. If you ever get to the point where you really accept that, you won't care about this anymore.

Now, you can sit around worrying, in anticipatory dread about how everyone you know is going to hate on you, and use that as an excuse - and it is an excuse - to delay being your own person with your own choices; or you can focus on building an honest foundation for your life.

People in the closet generally ignore the toll the closet is taking on their honesty and self esteem. How can you come to terms with yourself, respect yourself, if you live a lie, and deceive all those you love the most?

You don't have to come out tomorrow, but instead of wondering about cures, how about making a plan to put yourself in an invulnerable position, so when you tell them, you've minimized the damage.

Asians have no monopoly on hateful ultra conservative families, around where I live they're thick on the ground, and some of them will try to do you physical harm if they think they can get away with it. A lot of us faced that dilemma, it's not insurmountable, and it's not their life, and living their life will make you miserable for the rest of yours.
 
Lube said:
Would you take a pill to "cure" your asianness? Or your "christianness"?
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Thanks to all of you for your honest responses. It is interesting to know how many of you feel happier now that you've come out and been honest. I still don't know that it would make me happier but it is certainly good to know it's not just something I struggle with. I guess having never having lived openly I don't fully understand the gay culture I don't know what I'm missing. I wouldn't change my asianess or my Christianity bc I feel like those things make my life better and I haven't come to realize what about being gay makes my life in anyway better. To me I guess I just think of it as I wish I was smarter or taller- a superficial dream but I realize it's just a dream. I don't know that I will ever come out- but at I know that it's an option
 
gogol2009 said:
Thanks to all of you for your honest responses. It is interesting to know how many of you feel happier now that you've come out and been honest. I still don't know that it would make me happier but it is certainly good to know it's not just something I struggle with. I guess having never having lived openly I don't fully understand the gay culture I don't know what I'm missing. I wouldn't change my asianess or my Christianity bc I feel like those things make my life better and I haven't come to realize what about being gay makes my life in anyway better. To me I guess I just think of it as I wish I was smarter or taller- a superficial dream but I realize it's just a dream. I don't know that I will ever come out- but at I know that it's an option
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hiding until you go to your grave is hard work and stressful.
 
Telstra said:
hiding until you go to your grave is hard work and stressful.
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Yeah, take it from someone who was in denial for 42 years. It ain't pretty.

It's a tough battle at first, but I hope eventually you will learn to love yourself, warts and all.

People used to be persecuted for being left-handed. Thankfully society has gotten past that; hopefully getting past homophobia is just around the corner.
 
No one gets past homophobia unless we stand up for ourselves and come out.

That doesn't happen on it's own. No one is going to do it for us.

And that's just the fact of it.
 
Homophobia needs the cure... not homosexuality.

I was BORN gay... as a gay man I am a REAL man.. would NEVER change a thing about it.

Nobody can take being gay away from me. Its empowering to me.
 
I am an American Asian with traditional Asian parents; I'm out to them, and to most of my friends. I'm not out at work because I feel that my personal life is nobody's business at work.

In my coming out process, my parents were convinced that there was a cure, and gave me an ultimatum - either get "cured" by a psychiatrist, or never speak to them again. I chose to "never speak to them again".

Through the course of life, I did re-connect with them, though I know that my "gay" life is something that they don't want to see. Even though my homosexuality is swept under the carpet and they never speak about it, in my heart, I know that they have accepted it as much as they possibly could have as traditional Asian parents.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time, energy, or room in my life to deal with dating and dealing with potential conflict, so I just forget about the dating scene right now.

Even with the small strides that have been made with gay rights, and also the exposure that we've gotten with being in the mainstream, it is still difficult to be gay.

...however, I am happy with who I am and wouldn't change a thing. It's just the essence of who I am. I LOVE men, and I'm not just talking about sex. I love EVERYTHING about 'em.

Even if it were a choice, I wouldn't/couldn't make the switch if my life depended on it.

If I lost relationships with family or friends in the process of coming out, then so be it - that'd be their own darn loss.
 
No, I wouldn't take the pill. I feel sorry for heterosexual men who have to put up with women who they have nothing in common with just because their urges tell them to like pussy.
 
At first thought, you would be inclined to take the cure. Just because it would seem life would be easier. But that is it. You don't know how life would be different. So no, I would not take the cure.
 
It's hard not to get emotional about a hypothetical like this and the idea of a "cure" is pure fantasy. However, if i was given the choice I'd absolutely opt out of being gay. At the very least it's inconvenient. Coming out is a huge source of stress when i was younger and I'm proud of what I've accomplished in that regard. However, if i had the choice to avoid the whole thing, I absolutely would. Life is harder if you are gay, that's a fact. Life is challenging enough, i'd love the convenience of not having to constantly explain and confront my sexuality. No matter how comfortable you are with it, being gay is always something that you have to actively confront rather than a passive given like being straight. Call me lazy but I'd rather have the convenience. I'm ok with fighting for who i am, but if i could easily and painlessly be someone else, why not. I could save my energy for something else.
 
This hypothetical always reminds me of the third X-men movie.
 
I find the idea of a 'cure' absolutely terrifying, because there is no way I'd change who I am, and I'm not just talking about my sexuality. Sometimes I think, what would it be like if I went to a different school? I'd have different friends, different experiences. I can't imagine what that would be like, and it scares me. Thinking about if i wasnt gay is worse, because it has nothing to do with any of my experiences.

Plus there is no way anyone could be in a position to give truly informed consent to be administered this 'cure' and still want it. IMO.

But, in your case, I think you should come out. Because you think it's really bad that they are narrow minded, from the sounds of things, and there is no way they will EVER change their minds without knowing a real life gay guy. When people can relate to a situation, they have to reassess it. They know you so well, and love you, so really who you're attracted to should be less important than that.

I realise that might not be the case that the accept you, but I think it's healthier for you, and it might rock their opinions on gays.
 
The cure can be available tomorrow and i won't take it. no thanks. I am who I am and I have always been gay. No choices, no lifestyle. I have always known. When in relationships I connect emotionally and physically with another man. why would I want to change that? not this life, if i am straight in the next one then fine. but I was born gay , I will die gay.
 
Everybody is a minority in some way.

You're a lefty. Or atheist. Or you like monogamy ( ;) ). Or you're Transylvanian. Or your skin color. Or your political beliefs.

Dealing with your minority status is part of life.

We don't want everyone to be the same. Life would be too boring.
 
Not a chance. I like being gay. I'm happy, stable, well adjusted, and I see no reason to change that.
 
I've gone years without having sex. That's ultimately what this all amounts to. Do you want to be in a position to have and enjoy sex? I choose yes.
 
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