If you were 12 in 1950, 22 in 1960 . . .

[smaq44]

29. You get to remain ignorant of what it’s like to have a close male friend, because once you know his mind, you can’t help lusting for him. Not to mention that you can’t really share your inner self with him.


30. You get to observe the increasing signs of age and to realize that no one new is likely to love you any more.

The first part of your post had me rolling on the floor, laughing with recognition. I'm six years behind you.

Then your post got deadly serious.

There's an article in Out.com you might like reading. It's called "Late Bloomers" by Richard Gollance. Here's the link:

http://www.out.com/detail.asp?id=15161&t=senior_moment

(I'm a married guy who is monogamous. That doesn't infer any judgements on my part; I'm too screwed up to judge anyone else. I'm just trying to figure out how to make it through the rest of my life with honor and integrity.)

 

[flash729]

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song.
I felt all flushed with fever,
Embarrassed by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish,
But he just kept right on strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song -- "Fugees"


Bingo... while I wasn't born until 57, I can identify with it all.
-Flash

 

[mike_n_herrin]

wow what a first post. really serious at the end is right.

 

[Soilwork]

I'm usually pretty hard on guys who know what they should do but don't do it...

thanks for posting this.

I hope that lots of younger guys have a chance to read it and know that you know that you made the wrong choice. I hope that other can learn from that.

But buddy, it's not to late... I know plenty of men in their 50s who have found love...

I can't imagine someone as insightful as that can't find a great guy to share his life with.

 

[Soilwork]

Sad thing, dude, is that you're not alone.

Fuck, back when i worked at the gay and lesbian couselling phone line in the 80s and 90s, I heard from guys like you all the time.

some were devestated and some were seemingly calling me to brag about how they were pulling it off.

If you're happy with the way your life is now.. no.. you're not.. so that's not what I mean.. let's start that again..

If you're content to keep things the way they are now, then good for you, I guess. everyone makes sacrifices in life. Some do it for the happiness of others and some do it because the hole they've dug for themselves is just too deep to ever get out of.

although I won't say anything as callus is "I hope you're wife dies before you're too old to find real love", I'll just say "I hope that one day you find a way out and that it all ends happily".

 

[Eagle653]

However, at the risk of sounding totally emotionless, let me ask you to turn to your cold analytical side for a moment. Putting emotions aside, if death should intervene, I would then be able to come out and perhaps eventually find a relationship with a man, as some of you advise.

I have an older friend here, who did just that. He was a faithful and loving husband, until his wife died of cancer in their early 60s. He then came out, and got involved with a much younger man.

I've asked him over the years, in several different ways, if he had any regrets or would do things differently. He can't really answer that, except to say that if he knew when he was 20 what he does now, he may not have gotten married at all. But, if he hadn't, he wouldn't have the 3 daughters that mean everything to him now. So, it's quite a paradox and he has never resolved his feelings, may never resolve them, and is quite happy not resolving them.

He does know he's gay, though, and knows happiness with a man now that he only dreamed of before. In some ways, he looks back on "the lost years," and is trying to make up for them now. But, he also has children and grandchildren and considers himself blessed in that regard. In short--he's happy, and I am happy for him.

 

[Lube]

Well, Jerry's apparently no longer with us (at JUB, anyway).

This is similar to my story, except I'm not quite 50 yet.

And, rather than wait for my wife to die, I took matters into my own hands and divorced.

It was what worked for me. I had to be true to myself.