I'm a True Bisexual

[tallguy297]

Hey Attman,

Welcome to JUB mate, its great to have you on board!

Yippyuk is right, you really haven't sought any advice or asked a question - which is more than fine - but something in your post raises one for me....

I don't want people to think of me as gay as I have developed relationships with both sexes.

Why? Why is someone thinking that your gay worse than thinking you are bi? What logic are you using to create a social pecking order that places bi guys above gay ones?

Mate, the first thing you need to do is gain some self acceptance... and I know you say you have that, but you dont. Your post shows that pretty clearly.

Your sexuality is your thing, no one elses, and until you are comfortable enough to say that you dont care where you fit on some imaginary pecking order of sexual worth then you are going to struggle with being open and honest with those around you... and that will limit your chances of meeting new people and ultimately limit your happiness.

The whole bi/gay thing is mute.

Yes, some guys will claim to be bi while they get comfortable enough to transition to full self acceptance of being gay... the reason some gays become intolerant. Others guys are genuinely bi... and no one here will argue that you dont exist trust me.

But you know something? Anyone who actually cares about you couldnt give a damn whether you were one or the other. What they care about is you being honest and open with yourself first and then them.

Attman, somehow you need to uncouple yourself from these ideas you have either built up or learned over the years. Being gay doesnt lessen your worth any more than you are worth less that a str8 guy.

And if this guy or another guy down the track offers you the chance to be happy, then grab it with both hands and experience what life can bring you... then whether or not you are gay or bi is irrelevant. The only label you need is "happy".

 

[KaraBulut]

This has been discussed on the forums before but there's a real tendency in western culture to want to have a word that perfectly describes everyone and everything.

The problem with words like gay and straight (and to a certain extent, bisexual) is that they are very black and white words for a subject that is very gray.

You're welcome at JUB regardless of what label you want to use.

Your thread is labeled "Help" but I'm not sure what help you're needing here. It's been my observation that bisexuals usually don't have problems accepting their bisexuality in the way that gay men often do. More often, bisexuals have trouble finding middle ground in relationships since they usually have to make a choice of a relationship with a guy or girl.

So... what is the struggle... uncertainty about changes in your job, in your attraction to a male coworker, about how people perceive you...?

 

[KaraBulut]

I just wanted to vent, you guys are right I didn't need the help tag. I was just feeling vulnerable and emotional at the time.

It's not a problem. We always ask because sometimes people get so caught up in venting that they forget to tell us what advice they're seeking.

 

[tallguy297]

Saying your gay when your bi is like saying goodbye to the possibility of female relationship, I have nothing against gays. Being gay would be easier, and even so being bi is not a choice I fall in love with people not the sex this is what makes life difficult. I wish I had a preference.

Hey Attman,

Mate... please don't misunderstand me... I don't want you to be gay or want you to see yourself any other way. Being bi is as real and as difficult as being gay... both bring with it some issues that others will never have to deal with.

I believe that you are bi and I genuinely understand the frustrations that come with that.

What I'm trying to get across to you is that no matter how you see yourself, no matter what box you think you fit in, it doesn't matter. It just seems to me that you are fighting within yourself about who you are when you say "I wish" and "being gay is easier"... and that's the most painful thing to see in someone.

That inner conflict, that struggle to resolve who you think you are, takes so much energy, so much focus, that it distracts you from whats really important... life.

You are bi. You get the best of both worlds, the softness and beauty of a woman, or the physical presence of a man and the diversity and connection of both. Its an amazing position to be in.

Embrace it mate, dont spend your life wishing it away.

And know mate, you are always welcome here. Vent away. This place is as diverse and widespread as you can imagine... and yet thats what brings us together. The fact that people respond here means that they actually genuinely care... pretty rare hey

Either way Attman, take comfort in knowing that you are never alone, that no matter how vulnerable and scared you feel, theres so many other guys out there who struggle at times too. Its not a sign of weakness, its a sign your human... and that you are one of us!

Vent away whenever you need... theres always some one listening.

 

[TheJACKA]

This thread is so great. Im having some of the same problems as attman.

And think about it man, we as bisexuals really are lucky. You say you dont have a choice like its a bad thing! And I know that it would be nice if we could file to one side or the other and be fine, but factually, we cannot- To reiterate what was said above, we can experience the softness of a woman's breasts, the presence of a man's abs, but the heat of both; and in my opinion, being in a position where I can take either without shame is the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Ive only been out (friends, not parents) for a month, and already, pardon the cliche, but it feels as if someone lifted weights off of my back. And that someone was me.

Best of luck man, much love from NY

 

[syoBsUtsuJ]

I've adopted one of my former sociology professor's assertion of bisexuality being a fact, however, there'll always be a stronger attraction for one gender above the other ... the most ideal bisexuality only achieving a 49 / 51 - ratio, albeit rare. With that said, it is not, nor will it ever be my place to categorize another, much less to judge him or her.

It's always been a pet peeve of mine when another to immediately feels compelled to categorize another, especially when it comes to experimentation. I take great joy in pointing out that most "GAY" men have experimented with women before determining his homosexuality, and that doesn't immediately make them a "closet heterosexual."

Sorry for going a bit off-base there, but it just sprang to mind. Kudos to you, Mr. Attman; just be yourself and dance to your own drum. Conformity is boring, and I'm pretty sure that a majority of us tend to gravitate towards those that are more unique.

 

[KingofFaeries]

So many people see each other's labels before they even bother to look at the person. You see a guy walk down the street, automatically he's white, cocky, rich (he's wearing some spiffy threads) uptight (his steps are a little too close together like there's a stick up his butt) gay (he did his hair that morning and the wind was light) etc etc etc. Why can't he just be a person...

Maybe it's because I spend 90% of my time people watching, rather than joining in with whatever my friends are doing I watch how they act and react with one another that I have this point of view. But even with people that proclaim that they are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unique that labels don't apply to them. There are so many similarities to so many other people. Yes we are all distinct and unique individuals but there is always common ground no matter how different you think you are.

Bi gay straight... it really doesn't matter, very few people that fit into any of those categories can honestly say that they've never blurred the lines. Don't worry so much what other people think about you. All that matters is that you are you.

As for the coworker, I agree with the above swap contact info and stay in touch. Whether he is The One or not can be decided later, what matters is that he's nice you're nice and yall get along so be friends, then later maybe more.

Last thing and then I promise to shut up. Don't think that it's easier to be gay or straight simply because you fit into a specific category. The problems that you wouldn't have to deal with by fitting into one of the two would go away. But in their place you get new ones.

 

[TheJACKA]

Bi gay straight... it really doesn't matter, very few people that fit into any of those categories can honestly say that they've never blurred the lines.

True true true true story