I'm Freaking Out

[beatleshead]

tommorow is my empending Doctor's appointment...to talk about my long lingering depression. I dont want to go. I cant sleep right now. I've driven around the block like three times tonight. I dont know what im gonna tell them and right now im at an all time low i just dont know what to do with myself.

How should i bring it up? like go in asking for anti depressents? and then im scared, because ive been in an erratic highs and lows and i know if I feel hi tomorrow i'll prob freak out and not tell the doctor anything. ARGHHHH!!!

 

[ineffablejk]

Actually, what you are currently felling is some what common. Print out what you just wrote go for your appointment and read it to him. It’s all he will need to start with.

 

[gefsmith]

Hey there Mate,

If it makes it any easier, I am a doctor and I would say a good portion of my week is spent treating people with depression.
It's very common and your feelings are valid. I hope you manage to get to the doctor to have a full evaluation. There are lots of treatments available.

G

 

[KaraBulut]

beatleshead:

Just describe your feelings and how they are affecting you.

Gefsmith is correct. Depression is very very common. Your doctor will not be shocked or surprised- he sees patients who are depressed all the time.

 

[lyconthrope]

ineffablejk is right.

either write down what you have just written here, or even get a dictaphone (if you can) set it to record and just talk out loud about how you feel, whats happening, what your afraid will happen......anything and everything you need to let out, then if you are able too pkay it for your doctor, if not then play it back to yourself to remind you how you felt.

 

[beatleshead]

I went. I was very nervous they had to take my blood pressure like three times cos it was so high i think i was nervous. Nothing got accomplished really but he did make me realise the urgency of the situation and also the importance of my family history which has mental illness.

Im going the psychiatric ward tommorow for an appointment cos the doctor made it for me. I feel like I didnt accomplish anything, and i feel a bit lower.

Its also manifesting into something cos im having violent thoughts about my mom everytime she talks and i wouldnt call them thoughts more so than like when your just about to do something but you hesitate right before u do it. Ive been trying to get out of the house tonight cos i cant handel being with my parents.

They kinda took it as a joke cos like my mom called me and when i told her about the appointment and laughed, "so what r u crazy now?" and then she was saying stuff like "what did they say to convince you to go to a psychiatrist". my dad was making sure he overexaggerated his "thank you's" when i did him a favor i felt like they were doing an inside joke or somethin.

 

[joshj50]

I find that incredibly sad that your family make fun of your depression. You try reach out only to have them ridicule you and make it out to be a "made up disease". I can't tell you how to handle your family situation but I can tell you of my own experience and you can take what you want from it.

I consider myself to be depressed. When I decided to discuss it with my doctor I too was nervous, kudos to him, he suggested to me that I may be depressed before I even had to mention it. He prescribed me anti depressants, I didnt like them and now I take 2 mg of xanax at night. I still struggle with depression, some days its okay, others its hell. It was an enormous relief though when my doctor took it as a real problem, sometimes I doubted myself and just considered myself short tempered, tired, moody, restless - all sorts of things.

I never have and dont intend to discuss these things with my family, they are old style and I have a suspicion that they would react similar to yours, I have mentioned it to some VERY close friends and that helped a lot, I notice you are 18 so your life is probably more dependant on your families than my life is. I assume you mentioned thoughts of self/other harm to your doc for him to refer you to a psych ward, you should really take notes with you to that appt, because believe me I know how hard it is to express yourself correctly when you are in that situation, I have always left a doc appt wishing I had of mentioned something or expressed myself better.

Good luck with everything, dont let your family bring you down - just try ride it out, talk to a CLOSE friend who you have a good idea they will understand. Once again GOOD LUCK, I hope things start looking up for you.

When I started to go to the doc to discuss these things I always worried in case he thought I was just another drug seeker - but he didnt, I dont know if you worry about that but I dont think you should worry, as previous posters have said they deal with this issue daily.

 

[beatleshead]

I went and she was appalled by that, the parents taking it as a made-up disease thing but she was nice i liked her. I really didnt need notes cos she did like a list thing and that works best for me because when im prompted i tell alot of things but if you leave me to i wont say anything so i think i'm gonna tell her i like that.

Umm..she suggested medicine and i told her that it wasnt something i want to jump on so im gonna do regular sessions on fridays. should i tell her im bisexual? i know that might be part of it. can they be homophobic? i know thats a stupid question but its a real fear.

She also talked about my family history...pretty much all my aunts, uncles, on both sides have drug use, and some of the have manic depression which i cant believe i didnt make the connection.

I cant wait to go back actually so i guess it was successful.

 

[lyconthrope]

tell her if you think its relavant, it will help her to understand you a little more.

and no, she wont be homophobic, she will be an open minded, non-judgemental professional.

 

[joshj50]

Sounds like you had a really good session with her, am glad you found someone you can open up to and talk to.

I would defintely tell her that you are bisexual, these are trained professionals but are not mind readers. The fact that you are bisexual may explain part or all of your depression, she can advise futher on that, I doubt she will be homophobic, as I said - trained professionals.

Good call on medication, I didnt like it, not saying you wont benefit from them but at least you are confident enough to discuss your feelings on the matter to her.

Glad all went well, hope it gets better for you every day.

 

[KaraBulut]

Umm..she suggested medicine and i told her that it wasnt something i want to jump on so im gonna do regular sessions on fridays. should i tell her im bisexual? i know that might be part of it. can they be homophobic? i know thats a stupid question but its a real fear.

An experienced therapist will not find anything shocking or novel about homosexuality or bisexuality. Being gay or bi is not a problem. Having issues with coming out or self-acceptance is a problem- so if you feel that these are a problem for you, then it is something that you want to talk with your therapist about.

She also talked about my family history...pretty much all my aunts, uncles, on both sides have drug use, and some of the have manic depression which i cant believe i didnt make the connection.

Substance abuse and depressive/bipolar disorders go hand in hand. Many depressives self-medicate with drugs and alcohol.

I cant wait to go back actually so i guess it was successful.

That's the way it should be.