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im gay but could i be bisexual

B

bkitalyrican

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i came out 2 years ago to friends and family as gay and im currently 21 years old. ive had a 1 year gay relationship that is now on the rocks . i all ways been attracted sexually to men and not women as nearly as much but in the past ive had fallen in love with women and there personalities and i still have crushes on girls (butterflies in stomach) to the extent that i want to cuddle and makeout even today . when i was younger i really never experimented with them sexually(virgin) . i consider myself to be masculine almost every one i meet thinks im straight . sexually im a top and i have difficulties expressing PDA in public with my boyfriend . i also cant picture my future with a man (have i not met the right one? ) its weird but i want the wife and kids. .this is a funny story but bothers me i went out one night a year ago to a gay bar and spoke to a guy who said he does psyhic readings for a living and the first thing he told me that i really wasn't gay and i want to be gay but you will never love a men like u do women and will never have that deep connection. an odd thing to say to a gay man at a gay bar but inside i knew exactly what he meant. could this mean i am really bisexual or is this normal feelings due to some insecurity?
 
Ok first of all psychic? Really? Second, the part about the difficulty with PDA, the wanting a wife and kids and the not being able to imagine your future with a man (though he MIGHT easily not be the right one) are all perfectly normal. You've been programmed from birth to think of certain things as "normal" and "desireable", so it's natural that you still do. This is called "internalized homophobia", and the way to counter it is to be aware of its existence in you and challenging it. Because, honestly, you can have a happy life with another man AND the kids too. It would be more difficult than with a woman, but that's due to society and not your personality.

That said, I don't think you're bisexual. Sexuality is not black and white and the fact that you can have crushes on girls and make out with them - hell, even have sex with one maybe - does not make you bi. Being attracted EQUALLY - both physically and emotionally - to both genders is what would make you bi. In my opinion you need to address the internalized homophobia issue before exploring your sexuality. Once you know and feel that being gay is EXACTLY as valid existence as being straight, you can experiment. Try and do some stuff with a girl, see how you like it. By if you do that before everything is tidied up in your head, you just risk putting yourself back in the closet for no reason. And I repeat, personally, I think you're gay.
 
don't knock the psychics! Years ago a psychic told me to ditch my girlfriend and sow my oats (in her defence, so did most of my friends :lol:) I did and I never looked back.

Unless you're ready to run out, get married and start a family right now, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you're keen to date women, do so - likewise for men.

Do what feels right - even if it changes from time-to-time.
 
Rolyo85 said:
That said, I don't think you're bisexual. Sexuality is not black and white and the fact that you can have crushes on girls and make out with them - hell, even have sex with one maybe - does not make you bi. Being attracted EQUALLY - both physically and emotionally - to both genders is what would make you bi.
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Why does a bisexual have to be equally attracted to both members to be consider bi? Isn't bisexuality the fact that the person understands that they are attracted to each sex for different reasons including physically, sexually, and emotionally? If sex isn't as balck and white as you say it is, then how do you justify the equal attraction? Just some food for thought from a well known devil's advocate.
 
js334433 said:
Why does a bisexual have to be equally attracted to both members to be consider bi? Isn't bisexuality the fact that the person understands that they are attracted to each sex for different reasons including physically, sexually, and emotionally? If sex isn't as balck and white as you say it is, then how do you justify the equal attraction? Just some food for thought from a well known devil's advocate.
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For it to be biSEXUALITY, you have to be attracted to both genders SEXUALLY. As for the equal part, I'm just following the Kinsey scale. Plus, from the (very few actual) bisexuals that I know, they are not attracted to both genders at the same time, but shift from one to the other depending on person and situation. It's just a different thing. Plus, if we counted ANY measure of attraction for your own/the opposite gender, 90% of humanity should be considered bi. Which would make the term meaningless...
 
Welcome to the forum. My first question to you is what made you come out as gay?

Secondly, it doesn't matter how other people perceive you including any of us. I'd say you have some kind of a block based on some type of fear.

Masculine, straight-acting and top don't mean much in evaluating one's sexual orientation. The key question is, who makes you hard?
 
If you're curious about dating a woman, then do it.

But do it to answer your own questions, not because someone else told you that you were bisexual.
 
Rolyo85 said:
For it to be biSEXUALITY, you have to be attracted to both genders SEXUALLY. As for the equal part, I'm just following the Kinsey scale. Plus, from the (very few actual) bisexuals that I know, they are not attracted to both genders at the same time, but shift from one to the other depending on person and situation. It's just a different thing. Plus, if we counted ANY measure of attraction for your own/the opposite gender, 90% of humanity should be considered bi. Which would make the term meaningless...
Click to expand...

This is a misunderstanding on your part. If you are a person who follows Kinsey's work, he never stated that bisexuals are attracted to both sexes equally. As a matter of fact, he was really observing bisexual behavior, not orientation, when he created his idea.

As for your last idea, most people who specialize in the social sciences agree that bisexuality is common. It's how it is expressed and the degree to which people are open.
 
It sounds to me you are a little bi-curious. I'm still leaning towards you being gay and just having a difficult time with your recent breakup. However, you can always give dating a girl a shot. See what sex with a woman is like, and then you can make your decision.
 
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