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I'm gay
- Thread starter slnattak
- Start date
Well at least you said the three words (if you don't use the hyphen) that freed me from a life of conflict -- I am gay.
I said those words June 1, 2005 and have never felt freer. For 48 years of my life I tried to "change" and "to be healed." I knew when I was 12 and sucked off my brother-in-law's nephew (and he me) that I was gay. We exchanged everything until we both turned 18 and then were going to "go straight."
Two kids and a marriage later, I finally reached the point of hoping to die or wanting to kill myself. I was conflicted because I would try to look at women but always ended up looking at their boyfriends. I tried not to masturbate and thought it would make me desire to have sex with my wife more but unless I thought about a guy...nothing seemed to work.
I would say our upbringing can have an affect on who we are and what we are -- but there is also the way we are created that plays an even bigger role.
I realize you say the words scare you; to me they were liberating. I hope that you can work through your feelings and get to the point of acceptance. I, too, was from a small town and the only two open gays were mocked. Of course they played it to the hilt and became very wealthy owning a party store and "parading" regularly!
Look for others in your city on gay sites; go to nearby larger cities to work through the issues. At some point I hope you can accept you for who and what you are -- it is a far more beautiful person when it's not in the closet!
I said those words June 1, 2005 and have never felt freer. For 48 years of my life I tried to "change" and "to be healed." I knew when I was 12 and sucked off my brother-in-law's nephew (and he me) that I was gay. We exchanged everything until we both turned 18 and then were going to "go straight."
Two kids and a marriage later, I finally reached the point of hoping to die or wanting to kill myself. I was conflicted because I would try to look at women but always ended up looking at their boyfriends. I tried not to masturbate and thought it would make me desire to have sex with my wife more but unless I thought about a guy...nothing seemed to work.
I would say our upbringing can have an affect on who we are and what we are -- but there is also the way we are created that plays an even bigger role.
I realize you say the words scare you; to me they were liberating. I hope that you can work through your feelings and get to the point of acceptance. I, too, was from a small town and the only two open gays were mocked. Of course they played it to the hilt and became very wealthy owning a party store and "parading" regularly!
Look for others in your city on gay sites; go to nearby larger cities to work through the issues. At some point I hope you can accept you for who and what you are -- it is a far more beautiful person when it's not in the closet!
Lube
Temeritous hirsuteness
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2006
- Posts
- 7,566
- Reaction score
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First of all, slnattak, CONGRATULATIONS! As others have said, saying "I'm gay" is very liberating. You can start your life over now--the life you really should have, not the life you *thought* you should have.
TheWiz really nailed it. Great advice. Print it and re-read it a thousand times.
That woman did not make you gay. It doesn't matter why you're gay. But you've finally come to accept that you are, and it's FABULOUS!
TheWiz really nailed it. Great advice. Print it and re-read it a thousand times.
That woman did not make you gay. It doesn't matter why you're gay. But you've finally come to accept that you are, and it's FABULOUS!