I'm in love.... but?

[ajd2006]

OK so where to start, I guess an introduction since this is my first post. I am 18 years old, never had any experience with a guy but for the past month and a half i have fallen in love with someone that i met online.
He lives about 4 hours (by air) away and we are def. in love with each other. We are both as inexperienced as can be, which is something that we both are rele comfortable with and i think is one reason that our relationship is where it is. We talk online pretty much everyday and we have also talked over the phone for hours at a time. He is pretty much the perfect person for me, at least in this stage in my life. The reason i believe this is because i think that in any relationship there is a "women" figure and a "male" figure. He tends to lean toward the women side in that he loves doing the house chores and things, while i tend to lean toward the male figure because i love cars and stuff like that. (I don't mean to sound stereotypical but you guys get the point.)
The only reason that i am posting this is mainly because i think that our relationship has kinda hit a "dry" spot. I mean we know like everything about each other and are really open about everything. We are planning on meeting each other over this Christmas vacation, as it is the only time that we are both off school, so we are both really excited about that, but it is the time in between now and then that i am kinda worried about. O and i also am going to have to come out to my parents and some of my friends soon, cuz i rele want them to know about my relationship, but i feel that i will only do it if i am still in the current relationship that i am in,mainly because i think that coming out is a good way to prove how much i love him.
So i guess that since i have never rele had a relationship like this before i am just looking for a little feed back, or advice, from.... rele ne one about my situation and what you guys think. So thanks for listening to me . O and ill work on updating my profile when ever i get the time. Thanx

 

[breatheH20]

I won't say anything, I've definitely been there before and stuff.. Best of luck to ya!

 

[ajd2006]

ok.......... well thanx for the responses, but i guess ill just have to experience it for my self and then go from there.

 

[Eagle653]

Hi adj and welcome. Glad to have you here.

I "fell in love" with someone in another state back when the Internet was starting. For better or worse, I really believed it. Looking back, I shake my head at how naive I was. Here I was making longterm plans with someone I'd never physically met. When we did meet, he wasn't who I'd built him up in my mind to be. Yeah, he was nice and he made no exaggerations about anything about himself (we had graduated from emails to phone calls to exchanging photos/cam recordings, etc. So, there were no surprises.) But, lordy mercy, it was quite different to entertain someone 24 hours straight than it is chatting away on the phone! After 3 days, I sent him packing back home. LOL. We still are in contact, and we've both found our soulmates, but we still have a good laugh at our "relationship" which lasted all of 3 days LOL.

I do wish you well. Be careful out there. Four hours by air is pretty far. Think about some practical aspects. Think through what you're doing. Is there no one closer to home that fits your bill?

Good luck, and welcome to our club! It's good to have you here and hope to hear from you more!

 

[ajd2006]

Thanx average for your honesty. I realized that he is only like an hour and a half, but at any rate, i know wat u mean about wanting him to be what i want. But i think that i will have to just to find out for myself other wise i will always be thinking "what if..." Not that i dont respect your guys opinions i just wanna hear what everyone wants to say. So thanks again for the feedback.

 

[Smitho]

Hi and Welcome. I don't want to sound to hard, but in my opinion you can not be in love with someone you have never met, I think you can like and be friendly with some one, but be careful.

On a positive note, I think you should meet him at Xmas and you should spend some time together in the real word, and coming out to familly and friends is also an excellent idea, and a very good by product of him coming to visit. So from that side all well, but just be careful, there are loads of threads in this forum about weird (and unsucessful) internet relationships, and people who ended up very broken hearted, and I will tell you something, people lie on the internet, and can cover their real personality, you have no idea if I am 18 or 80, or even male or female, so I would say be cautious.

I am not saying everything is bad and if it is going to go anywhere, you do have to meet, and 1.5 hours is not that far, (I will travel further than that for a weekend out, finances permiting!), so in summary, go for it, and meet up and till then talk on the phone and chat online, but be careful, till you meet him in person.

(As for your question about what you can talk about in the dry spot, the Ashes cricket starts today, and so I can not imagine anything better )

 

[tonyboy]

Thanx average for your honesty. I realized that he is only like an hour and a half, but at any rate, i know wat u mean about wanting him to be what i want. But i think that i will have to just to find out for myself other wise i will always be thinking "what if..." Not that i dont respect your guys opinions i just wanna hear what everyone wants to say. So thanks again for the feedback.

You've received good advice here friend.
There is nothing that any of us can say to you though. You are a young man and want to be with another man. That will surely happen and I hope this guy that you've met is the right one for you.
It may be a great thing my friend, I hope it is.
Take care and let your friends here know how it all turns out.
Best wishes to you.

 

[Theyoungman]

I have a feeling that if I tell you the truth, it's not someting you don't want to hear...

You took the words right out of my mouth...

 

[Theyoungman]

Thanx average for your honesty. I realized that he is only like an hour and a half, but at any rate, i know wat u mean about wanting him to be what i want. But i think that i will have to just to find out for myself other wise i will always be thinking "what if..." Not that i dont respect your guys opinions i just wanna hear what everyone wants to say. So thanks again for the feedback.

You want to know what we would tell you, but its not somehting you want to just ask someone when you have already made plans to meet someone.

I will only tell you that:

I'm 18 too and I have learned that disire for something serious this early in my life (with very little experience) has proven to be a unneeded challenge for me to handle. I mean this in many ways.

I met my first guy jst before last christmas. Since then I have met 6 guys. 4 of them live here, but I wanted a relationship with two of the first ones, but I knew very shortly after (I met the first two) that it was never going to work out because it wasn't what I wanted or expect it to have turned out.

I have met all those guys form online and they are all older than myself. I have learned and made decisions to better myself with responsiblity and proper analyzations towards me (and my to be BF) ever being in a relationship...

One of those things that I learned that I should tell you is that trying to start a relationship through computers is not the best method to use when trying to establish a relationship because when you are online... you are not in the real world...

In other words, be careful, think first, ask important question, and don't give yourself away to the civilization of the web, before you meet someone in person to try anything.


PS: I want to give you one tip about love and relationships... Don't expect them to happen when you want them to or in any way because unfufilled expectations can leave you very dissapointed...

I will say no more for I fear I have said too much...

 

[Jeimuzu]

OK so where to start, I guess an introduction since this is my first post. I am 18 years old, never had any experience with a guy but for the past month and a half i have fallen in love with someone that i met online.
He lives about 4 hours (by air) away and we are def. in love with each other. We are both as inexperienced as can be, which is something that we both are rele comfortable with and i think is one reason that our relationship is where it is. We talk online pretty much everyday and we have also talked over the phone for hours at a time. He is pretty much the perfect person for me, at least in this stage in my life. The reason i believe this is because i think that in any relationship there is a "women" figure and a "male" figure. He tends to lean toward the women side in that he loves doing the house chores and things, while i tend to lean toward the male figure because i love cars and stuff like that. (I don't mean to sound stereotypical but you guys get the point.)
The only reason that i am posting this is mainly because i think that our relationship has kinda hit a "dry" spot. I mean we know like everything about each other and are really open about everything. We are planning on meeting each other over this Christmas vacation, as it is the only time that we are both off school, so we are both really excited about that, but it is the time in between now and then that i am kinda worried about. O and i also am going to have to come out to my parents and some of my friends soon, cuz i rele want them to know about my relationship, but i feel that i will only do it if i am still in the current relationship that i am in,mainly because i think that coming out is a good way to prove how much i love him.
So i guess that since i have never rele had a relationship like this before i am just looking for a little feed back, or advice, from.... rele ne one about my situation and what you guys think. So thanks for listening to me . O and ill work on updating my profile when ever i get the time. Thanx

I've been in that situation, and it just fizzled away after a while.

Go for it. The best part of these relationships is that either you're right, and you're totally in love and perfect for each other... or it tends to end rather naturally. You both just kinda stop talking online. After I left his house from when we'd met... well, we talked a few more times, and then we ran out of things to say. We haven't talked since then.

To be honest, it sounds very much like mine, but I don't know. What's the point in being fatalistic? That's no way to enjoy life! Just be really careful, oh and at he risk of sounding shallow, photographs and webcam ARE NOT a good way of judging someone's appearance. But yeah, just make sure he is who he claims to be. If that takes a little background checking, then so be it. I planned mine quite well - I met him through such an odd source that someone would not take the time to use for unscrupulous purposes, that I was totally fine.

Oh, and finally, just because I'm perpetually practical, make plans to do something down there that you're bound to enjoy. Mine was going to see a band (Killswitch Engage). It was fantastic, because it was
1.) A nice way to end the weekend with my first boyfriend
2.) a great band's first gig in months, and with us being the first crowd to hear a song from the new album, and in my case the most useful
3.) a fantastic excuse to use on my parents, as to why I'm spending a few days 150 miles away, give or take a few.

I tend to kill two birds with one stone. Figuratively only.

But yeah, I was an angsty teen boy who was convinced I was going to die a virgin (I'm a little on the hefty side, and thus I'm thoroughly unconfident about myself) and then when I met him... well, it proved that I could get someone, even through unorthodox ways.

Having a relationship, whether it works or not, is good for developing yourself as a gay person. Enjoy it, don't take it too seriously in emotional terms, and don't brood on whether it's going to end badly. I don't think it matters too much, since I doubt you've made plans to move in yet If it's love, it's love. If it's not, you get the ego boost of having had a boyfriend, you get a whole lot of fun sex - always use a condom! - and in my opinion the best part, which is just the sweet teen romance of it all. Sleeping spooned together. Kissing whenever you feel like it. Holding hands under the table It's a win-win situation!

The only thing you have to worry about is that he's not who he claims he is. Don't let your affection for him blind you, and consider the facts carefully. Also, make sure everyone knows exactly where you are! Give your parents his phone number and address, so if things go horribly wrong, you've got a contingency.

Oh, and finally, coming out is always a good thing, but really you don't know how much you love him. The meter has hit its limit for distance, now you've got the real test; actually meeting him. How about you meet him, then you make the decision?

EDIT: That's one hot pic in your profile, by the way!

 

[3nipples]

He is pretty much the perfect person for me, at least in this stage in my life. The reason i believe this is because i think that in any relationship there is a "women" figure and a "male" figure.

<sigh> the male and female role myth

 

[texan_slant]

Holy smokes. I'm going to be brutally honest here.

First of all - in reference to "...He is pretty much the perfect person for me, at least in this stage in my life. The reason i believe this is because i think that in any relationship there is a "women" figure and a "male" figure..."

I agree with 3nipples with regards to the "myth". You might want to dispell any notion that a key to a perfect relationship is the fact that there is a "woman" role and a "man" role. Labels are constricting, do more harm than good, and don't always reflect every relationship or situation. You might want to think of the other person as a partner.

Second of all - in reference to "...coming out is a good way to prove how much i love him..."

You might not want to come just to impress someone. Just remember to think of the impact, the reaction, and the possible adjustment period of your family that you need to confront yourself with, and ask yourself whether or not you are truly ready. You don't need to come out to prove that you love someone, you need to come out because you feel confident and secure enough about yourself to do so.

Third of all, if your intution is telling you that you've hit a dry spell - you prob have.

It's great that you will be spending more time with him because that's prob why you've hit that dry spell - you need that face-to-face interaction, and more time spent together is when you realize how much you love him, and whether or not you want to take your relationship to the next level.

Lastly - take the bull by its horns and have fun!