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I'm just not that into him... D:

L

LonelyFace

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I'll try and make this brief.

So I've been using findfred.com to find friends and/or a BF (thanks to JUB advertising). I recently met this guy on the site who's the exact same age as me, goes to the same community college as me, and actually lives in the same area as me. He contacted me first I think, and we've been texting each other for like the past 4 days getting to know each other and trying to find a way to meet each other in person.

Well today, we finally met each other. I had a lot of fun meeting him, and he's a really nice guy. But the problem is that I'm just not that into him. But I think he might be really into me... D:
He's been texting me good night for the past few days, saying "good night <lonelyface's real name here> sweet dreams" and stuff like that, but with a lot of smileys. After our date he texted me saying that he wanted to go out with me again and that he really liked me, so I said I'd meet him tomorrow afternoon because I didn't want to do anything like a text message denial/breakup to him...

I don't know what to do! I want to be his friend and hang out with him and stuff, but I don't want to have a dating relationship with him. After hanging out with him today and talking with him, I felt that we just really weren't right for each other; I don't really feel like he's my type and we don't have enough in common (that, and when I first looked at his profile online, I knew he was someone I didn't really want to date or anything).

But I don't know how to tell him this without totally hurting his feelings or crushing his spirit or something! I'm scared that he'll be mad or disappointed or something and I'm confused and I don't know what to do and it's making me crazy!
sfoaenmroigfjdofm refiheriocniojriofamcorjf; oadslkhk;lasdfjkljdfac slmcneriubnrieug!!!!!](*,)

...That wasn't really that brief after all... But please, if somebody could help me out with this, I'd be really greatful!!! :help:
 
Attraction is simple and complex at the same time. And it's either there or it isn't. I'm proud of you for wanting to explain things to him in person. A lot of people have been on both ends of this, and they both suck. The best you can do is to tell him the way you would want to be told. Telling him that you'd like him as a friend but not as a boyfriend early on is better than dragging it on. In the end he'll appreciate hearing it from you. A lot of people would simply make up shit, postponing "dates," making up excuses for not getting together, etc until the other person gets the hint. We then get the thread from the other guy's perspective. Introduce the topic early during your meeting in at least a relatively public place and expect a variety of reactions. Good luck.
 
Only one thing to add to the advice you've been given.

Having to give someone the "Let's just be friends" speech sucks. It sucks for the person on both sides of the speech.

But the outcome is this: If the guy likes you as a person and is really interested in spending time with you then the two of you will remain friends. If the guy is desperately looking for a boyfriend and you just happened to be available, then he's going to walk away.

Either way, the problem is solved. And it's better to do it early so that he can move on and continue his search.
 
Emphasize that you do like him. Just not like that. "I think you're a fun guy that I'd like to hang out with. But I'm really not feeling anything beyond that. I'd like to just be friends with you. If you'd rather not go that route, I understand."

Lex
 
^^ Lex, I'm not sure I understood what you meant. Did you want me to say what you wrote in quotation marks? Or were you telling me not to say that?

Ok so an update I guess:

I spent maybe an hour with him today. We just sat in a hallway and talked about stuff, mainly Glee and Broadway (he likes that stuff a lot; I'm just into Glee 'cause it's hilarious). I could only hang out with him for an hour because I had a doctor's appt. at 4:30. I could tell he was really disappointed when I told him I had to go.

But I didn't end up telling him I wasn't interested. Partly because I really don't want to hurt him, even though I know I have to tell him ASAP. Somehow I always figured I'd have to do what you guys suggested. :P
Also, one reason why I didn't say anything was because I was talking about all this to a friend of mine and she said I should give it another chance because today was the second time I've been in physical (as opposed to text messages) contact with him. I guess I figured I'd try and give it another go to see if maybe I was too hasty in my judgments. But I don't think I was.

Now I just need to find a time where I can meet up with him and let him know that I just want to be his friend and hang out with him but I'm not looking for a relationship with him. I'm kinda afraid he'll be mad at me.... :(
 
G-Lexington said:
What's in quotes? Say it.

Lex
Click to expand...

This part:

"I think you're a fun guy that I'd like to hang out with. But I'm really not feeling anything beyond that. I'd like to just be friends with you. If you'd rather not go that route, I understand."


And thank you for the advice, everyone. I'm gonna try to find a day where we're both free so I can tell it to him straight (no pun intended). Hopefully he will still want to be my friend...
 
By the way, having that conversation in a busy hallway probably wouldn't have been wise. You should have it when the two of you are alone and able to talk honestly and without interruption.
 
You have to be honest with him so he does not think he is being led on. Either way he'll be disappointed either way, but it is better to be honest and upfront soon so that he does not feel like you lied to him/gave him mixed signals.

Good luck :)
 
I think it's best to nip it in the bud now before things get more serious. No, rejection isn't easy, but it'll hurt more in the long run if you lead him on. You should let him know now and save both of yourselves some time. Just let him know you have to talk to him, that you think he's a cool person and you want to remain friends with him but you just don't feel that "spark".
 
I have been on both the giving and receiving end of the "just friends" speech. Rejection for some is difficult to deal with and one of those things that doesn't get easy, ever. It is better to get it over with and move along.
 
I gave him the little speech thing today. :(

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I ended up telling him over the phone.

](*,)](*,)](*,)](*,)](*,)](*,)](*,)](*,)](*,)

I could feel the disappointment in his voice and I felt terrible. He told me that he didn't mind being friends, and that he was glad I told him and other things I don't specifically remember, but he's been in relationships before so he said it wasn't something he hadn't heard before.

All that only made me feel worse for doing so, because I didn't want to hurt or disappoint him.

:cry:](*,):cry:](*,):cry:](*,):cry:](*,):cry:](*,)

But in the end, he said he was happy to be my friend and that I shouldn't feel so bad, so I'm actually feeling a bit better. I'm planning on inviting him to a movie night thing with my friends on Saturday night. I think he's excited to do that.

But I still feel like shit for disappointing him. I think maybe he really liked me...
 
LonelyFace said:
But in the end, he said he was happy to be my friend and that I shouldn't feel so bad, so I'm actually feeling a bit better. I'm planning on inviting him to a movie night thing with my friends on Saturday night. I think he's excited to do that.

But I still feel like shit for disappointing him. I think maybe he really liked me...
Click to expand...

You did the right thing by telling him early and letting him know that it wasn't easy for you to tell him this.

Everyone wants to feel like they are special and they are important. By being honest with him- letting him know that you like him a lot as friend but that there just isn't the chemistry for romance- you've treated him like a person who is important to you even if it isn't exactly the romantic seriousness that he hoped it would be.

You don't have anything to regret.

Now- go have fun with your friend.
 
KaraBulut said:
You did the right thing by telling him early and letting him know that it wasn't easy for you to tell him this.

Everyone wants to feel like they are special and they are important. By being honest with him- letting him know that you like him a lot as friend but that there just isn't the chemistry for romance- you've treated him like a person who is important to you even if it isn't exactly the romantic seriousness that he hoped it would be.

You don't have anything to regret.

Now- go have fun with your friend.
Click to expand...

He basically said the same thing to me over the phone yesterday. So I'm feeling a bit better. I'm trying to get all my friends together tonight so we can all go see a movie, so I plan on having fun tonight! :)
 
Quanchi said:
You did the right thing, so don't beat yourself over it. It great that you can remain friends. It was a lot better to handle it now then avoiding it. Imagine if he told you he was in love with you and wanted to be boyfriends, that would hurt a lot more if you told him that you didn't feel the same (if it came to that)
Click to expand...

That's true, but he bamed himself for it, and I felt like that was my fault. Cause it really wasn't his fault; he didn't do anything wrong. :(
 
LonelyFace said:
That's true, but he bamed himself for it, and I felt like that was my fault. Cause it really wasn't his fault; he didn't do anything wrong. :(
Click to expand...


You sound like a very nice guy, and hopefully you two will develop a decent friendship. He would be lucky to have a sincere and compassionate friend such as you seem by your caring about others feelings and being concerned.
Its sort of rare around these parts
 
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