i'm losing it

[anarodrigues]

hi

so, i've been hiding my sexual identity my whole life. it's come to a point where i can't take it much more, i feel nervous all the time and can't think properly, and i'm becoming a much worst person for it. i screwed my relationship with my best friend because i'm always nervous and take it on him. i'm always telling him i'm sorry and that there's something wrong, but i never told him what it was and now he probably thinks i'm making it up to get simpathy. when i drink to forget i always end up saying mean things and texting him accusing of not being my friend. i dont know myself right now. he lost respect for me, and i did too. i can feel the disappointment. we used to be always getting along since we were born.

i was thinking of coming out to him, i dont know if i'll have the strength. i think it may be the only way to save our relationship, but it's most likely to put a definite end to it. i'm not prepared for that. also, i never told anyone i'm gay. i'm scared. he's friends with most of my friends, my cousins and brothers. his family is very close to mine, and we've been friends since he was born. i'm scared he could tell his parents or brothers, or mine. i dont know what to do, i dont have money of my own so i can't leave this place. please give me some advice if you can.

thanks

 

[Benvolio]

You should be able to stop taking your problems out on him and saying mean things. Concentrate on that. If you do that, the relationship will probably improve. Coming out in your situation could make your life even more difficult.

 

[PhalloPhage]

I recommed coming out to him. And only him.

 

[hylas]

i think you should be out to everybody. but maybe thats a little unrealistic for now. you seem really troubled.

maybe a therapist would be helpful here, as a first step. so you can vent to them instead of your friend.

ultimately i think you should come out tho.

from personal experience, i think its good to come out to the person youre most scared of first. for me it was my mother. after she new, everything else was a cakewalk.

 

[Benvolio]

You should not come out until you have more control of you life, when you have an income and the ability to walk away if you need to.

 

[swerve]

Yightz!!!

You sound like you're being a TOTAL ASS to your BEST friend...

I cannot even IMAGINE that he wants to REMAIN friends...

What part of the world do you live in -- where coming out (or being HONEST with your friends and loved ones) is such an issue???

My advice is to live your life openly and honestly -- it is MUCH LESS complicated that way...

OWN who you are -- and, yeah, you may lose some friends -- but you'll be WAY better off in the long run...

Best of luck...

 

[Seasoned]

You titled this, "I'm losing it," and for that reason I'd advice that you tell him. Coping with your secret by getting drunk and mean will probably cause more problems in the long run than coming out to your best friend. However, if you live somewhere where being gay puts you in physical danger, I would recommend you find the local gay underground for support and advice. Take care of both your physical and mental self.