I'm not exactly sure where this thread belongs...

[hackingnomberr]

About a seven months ago after smoking weed for the first time in my life, I finally confirmed with myself that I am bisexual. Coming out has never been even an option to me simply due to my lack of courage, so I looked for people to possibly meet up with on various internet websites. Eventually I came across a guy that I felt that I clicked with, we were able to talk a lot and he claimed to be attracted to me and I am/was definitely attracted to him. He was one of the few people on these websites that actually seemed interested in more than just webcamming or hooking up, which admittedly was what I was looking for, but not what I actually wanted.

We texted non-stop for the first week or so after I came across him and eventually his enthusiasm for our friendship and the possibility of ever meeting eachother died down. Even though I only knew him for such a short time he was like the one person that I considered a friend who I had confided in with my sexuality and was actually for once able to talk to about anything. I pretty much knew from the get go that I was going to end up getting hurt in some way because of how quickly I became attached to him, because of my situation with not being out to anyone in all, let alone being the one my friend's talk to about their problems, not the one that talks to their friends about their problems.

Recently he found a guy that he may actually get serious with so there's no way I'm going to meet up with him which is fine and all, since I never really thought it would happen in the first place. He said he still wants to talk to me and that he's here for me and such, but I don't believe it because of the lack of effort to talk to me on his part in comparison to that first week of meeting him. Regardless, it doesn't really matter I'm pretty sure I need to just stop talking to him because we're not on the same wavelength about things and all I'm doing is dragging myself along, and he's totally letting me do it.

I'm not really sure where I'm going by posting this, maybe I just need to get it out or maybe I'm under the impression I might be able to find someone here to talk about things with like I was with him, but I doubt it's possible.

Thanks for reading anyway though guys, if anyone wants to vent or anything I'm totally down to listen, because I now know how necessary it is.

Totally weird post and totally unlike me.~

 

[Esquire0399]

Please don't get to emotionally attached to someone who can't return your feelings. It really, really sucks, not just for you, but for him too.

Reading your post, it seems like we have a lot in common. I'm also not usually the type who needs help. I'm help other people. But, like you, I'm also not out so it's hard to get help when you do need it. Good luck with this!

 

[Seasoned]

You need friends with whom you can be yourself. Try not to let one person be the total answer for you. I hope that eventually you'll be able to confide in some of your long time friends. It took me a long time before I was able to do and I kept everyone of my friends. Good luck.

 

[hackingnomberr]

Hah, I knew as soon as I had started talking to the guy I was getting emotionally attached to him and at first it seemed like he was actually on the same wavelength somewhat, but then suddenly it changed.
Totally brought me up just to bring me down harder.

 

[spencer]

this is why you shouldn't just limit yourself to one guy in the beginning stages of online dating. talk to lots of people, meet lots of people, then decide. maybe this guy might even come back to ya, if that's what you want.

 

[Kyanimal]

I'm definitely WAY past your age ... like 40yr., or so ... but, I've already been where you are, now. Trust me, I DO understand!

At your age, things can be far more Intense! You do not, yet, have the range of perspective that more time will bring. (See my sig. and following comment.)

That said ... you've already mentioned that "He" has found another guy that he's more "into", at the moment. His reactions to you, in that light, make perfect sense.

The redeeming factor is that he is still willing to talk to you, on a more "limited" basis. And, that is not a "bad" thing, at all. Try to understand his current position, but still avail yourself of his willingness to "share" his thoughts, and perceptions, with you. Yes ... you may have lost him as a "prime target", but, at least, you seem to still have his acceptance to chat with you. I would suggest your "dialing down" your intense desire toward him, and take advantage of the possibility of a more "mild" relationship.

Believe it, or not, there will be "others" coming your way! In the mean time, take advantage of being able to learn a bit more, about him, and you. "Tomorrow" can be far Brighter than you can possibly expect!

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[hackingnomberr]

this is why you shouldn't just limit yourself to one guy in the beginning stages of online dating. talk to lots of people, meet lots of people, then decide. maybe this guy might even come back to ya, if that's what you want.

Haha, I totally didn't limit myself, most people that are a part of the online dating thing have a one track mind, and the fact that we actually talked about things kinda changed my views on what I wanted when I came across him I guess.~

Chaz~He's still willing to talk to me, but that's different than wanting to talk to me if you know what I mean? Like I always have to force the conversation and lead it now. And the whole other guy thing is really no big deal, because whoever this guy is is like someone in the same place in their life and probably in the immediate area which is totally fine, but he started talking to me less before meeting this guy, as bad as it sounds, I wouldn't be surprised if this guy didn't even exist, I don't really trust people to be as straight forward as I am. Thanks for your words of wisdom.

 

[spencer]

About a seven months ago after smoking weed for the first time in my life, I finally confirmed with myself that I am bisexual.

Wow, I'll have what's he's having!

 

[rareboy]

Well.

I've never heard of marijuana leading people to acknowledge the homo inside themselves, but i guess epiphanies come in different forms....

At some point, one has to assume that after the next joint, you'll finally be a full fledged gay guy?

Get out there and make more friends instead of glomming onto one guy.

 

[hackingnomberr]

Well.

I've never heard of marijuana leading people to acknowledge the homo inside themselves, but i guess epiphanies come in different forms....

At some point, one has to assume that after the next joint, you'll finally be a full fledged gay guy?

Get out there and make more friends instead of glomming onto one guy.

I'm in the closet, so it doesn't work that way, and no one online is looking to be friends haha.
Not to mention the weed just like finally put the two and two together. Haha.

 

[KaraBulut]

Well.
I've never heard of marijuana leading people to acknowledge the homo inside themselves, but i guess epiphanies come in different forms....

I have.

It's an effective anxiolytic and sometimes it's what is needed to get people to relax and think about their sexuality without having a panic attack or liquor dick.

Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

 

[Kyanimal]

Damn it! Why did "weed" never "work" on the ones that I wanted it to, but, more likely, on the ones I didn't!

Long story ... I'll try to keep it short ...

Thed ... yeah! that was/is his name ... str8, jock,Wisconsin farm boy, 6', black haired, intensely blue eyed, muscled (but not too much), incredibly Cute, fairly naive! Worked on my team as a car mechanic. He needed new housing arrangements, sister was getting married, and ended up my roommate, for 4 yr.

At the time, we'd buy various types of "herb" in 1/4 lb. bricks. Liked to mix and match into various blends. We didn't resell, at all, it was just for our own personal pleasure/experimentation, that we would "party" with, and share with others. There were, usually, a "few" foil wrapped packages in our freezer, which came in quite handy during "dry" times. Most nights we'd get home, thaw out , or brew up, some dinner, and then strip down to undies, smoke a bit, and lay around and listen to an Allen Parsons album, or such. He had this curious ability to cross his toes ... just a side line there ... (Also, always kept the heat cranked up to make the place "skin friendly", if you know what I mean.)

ANYWAY ... instead of just undies, I'd usually put on my very short, ripped up the hem, jean shorts, commando. And, I would purposefully sit in my chair, across from his couch, with my leg up, so I was sure he could see up my pant leg! Reaction? NOTHING!! No matter how stoned he got!

As gorgeous as he was, he was truly as str8 as an arrow!

I would even "accidently" leave my bedroom door open while I was jacking off. Yeah! I know he saw me, on several, if not many, occasions! Still ... NOTHING! He'd smile, say, "Sorry!", and disappear into his room.

I even talked him into joining a gym together just so I could see him naked in the showers! How pathetic is THAT?? But ... at least it worked for that purpose!

With other guys though ...

Now ... what was my point? Oh, yeah! ...

Getting stoned is one thing. Having it work out the way you'd like is quite another. I suppose it depends on the "target". If it works on YOU, that's Fantastic! If you would like it to work on someone else, but it doesn't, then ...

Keep smilin'!! HUGS! (Ran out of Smilies! *tantrum*!)
Chaz ;-)

 

[hackingnomberr]

I have.

It's an effective anxiolytic and sometimes it's what is needed to get people to relax and think about their sexuality without having a panic attack or liquor dick.

Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

Lol dude I almost had a panic attack when I had that epiphany, like first year at college surrounded by people I had met only fifteen weeks ago.
I don't know how I kept my cool, it was ridiculous!

Chaz~I honestly don't know what the point of any of that post was, lol.
But thanks.~

 

[Kyanimal]

Lol dude I almost had a panic attack when I had that epiphany, like first year at college surrounded by people I had met only fifteen weeks ago.
I don't know how I kept my cool, it was ridiculous!

Chaz~I honestly don't know what the point of any of that post was, lol.
But thanks.~

To be completely honest, I'm not all that sure, either!

It had something to do with the experience of "weed", and I just got carried away on a tangent! Imagine that!!

However, I've not partaken of the incredible hemp for years. (Makes me choke too much these days. )

Brandy, though, on the other hand ... well ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[hackingnomberr]

Okay so an I have an edit to make to this like, I don't know what to say to him, he's given me reasons as to why he's stopped talking to me as much and he's kinda justified, he claims he still considers me a friend though and I'm not really sure how I feel about that.
Like I want to be friends with him, but not if it entails me always trying to talk to him. I'm pretty much thinking of cutting him out of my life, because it sucks too much to be in a one sided friendship. I don't even know what I want from him anymore, all I do his pester him, I'm like the most confused I've ever been in my life. I don't even think I make sense anymore, like I question everything I do related to him including this post right now.

Whatever, I must look ridiculous. :c

 

[KaraBulut]

Lol dude I almost had a panic attack when I had that epiphany, like first year at college surrounded by people I had met only fifteen weeks ago.
I don't know how I kept my cool, it was ridiculous!

Drugs aren't exactly the optimum way of dealing with issues but for some reason when the anxiety is removed from a situation, the denial is also removed. So, in your case the pot took away the initial panic and denial that prevented you from admitting in your head, "I'm gay".

Unfortunately, pot, alcohol and other things don't help much with the rest of acceptance and coming out process. That's best done sober.

Okay so an I have an edit to make to this like, I don't know what to say to him, he's given me reasons as to why he's stopped talking to me as much and he's kinda justified, he claims he still considers me a friend though and I'm not really sure how I feel about that.
Like I want to be friends with him, but not if it entails me always trying to talk to him. I'm pretty much thinking of cutting him out of my life, because it sucks too much to be in a one sided friendship. I don't even know what I want from him anymore, all I do his pester him, I'm like the most confused I've ever been in my life. I don't even think I make sense anymore, like I question everything I do related to him including this post right now.

Whatever, I must look ridiculous. :c

There's two things going on here.

The first thing is that you're realizing that you are in a one-sided friendship. Friendships are supposed to be investments - you put something in, you get something out. There are times that you will not get a good return on your investment- that's the nature of friendship. But if you find yourself always giving and never getting back, then it's not a friendship- you're being played or you're enabling someone to be a dick. If you're relating the story accurately, then you are wasting your time and it is time for you to move on.

The other thing that is going on here is that you're revealing something about the way you approach problems. For you, there's a lot of anxiety and emotion around these issues. You're anticipating pain that may never happen. All this internal dialogue that is going on in your head is very heavily tied to that anxiety and it's causing you to overthink and overanalyze everything.

Sometimes it is healthy just to live life and not overthink it. You can be spontaneous and "in the moment" and it's alright to be so. But at some point, you do need to think about the anxiety that underlies a lot of what you've posted here.

 

[KaraBulut]

Damn it! Why did "weed" never "work" on the ones that I wanted it to, but, more likely, on the ones I didn't!

Getting stoned is one thing. Having it work out the way you'd like is quite another. I suppose it depends on the "target". If it works on YOU, that's Fantastic! If you would like it to work on someone else, but it doesn't, then ...

Getting high only brings revelations to those who have something to reveal.

Anything else, and it's just a 3 beer queer.

And the problem with 3 beer queers is once the beer wears off, you're left with that next morning "Boy, was I drunk last night. Can't remember a thing".

 

[hackingnomberr]

I've figured out why I was such a scatterbrain with him is because I have nobody in my life to talk to about my sexuality and basically after befriending him I was able to talk to him about whatever and I actually considered him a friend at the same time, so it kinda put him on a pedestal. Like he was my only outlet that I thought actually cared since we're "friends."

I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm being really overdramatic about the situation though, chances are I'm just gonna stop talking to him, not because I want to, but because I'm not getting anything out of it except confused and hurt.~

Thanks by the way Kara.

 

[rareboy]

Nothing that cool ever happened to me after sparking a fatty.

I think I was also usually too baked after smoking to have any sexual desire or thoughts at all.

Just wanted brownies. Or chips.

Kara is dead on about the 3 beer queer thing though. There is something dark and destructive about this approach for guys to get some male on male action.

 

[hackingnomberr]

I don't see how that smoking experience is cool lol.