I'm out... now what?

[ephram314]

The title may be a little misleading. I'm really just looking for some general life advice, and didn't know where else to post.

I moved away from all my friends and family to a new city to go to graduate school a little over 2 years ago. Since then I really have not made any friends here. I was essentially alone for a year and a half. I will admit I'm not really a social butterfly, but I think the department I'm in is pretty anti-social also. I just have not been in any situations to make new friends. I am fortunate to have a lot of wonderful long-distance friends, who I know will always be there for me. But it's difficult being so alone on an everyday basis.

In a way, I think it was a godsend that I was alone for so long. It made me think really hard about what *I* wanted, and made me realize that I just had to do what would make me happy, no matter what people thought. So I met a boy online, and we dated for almost 6 months. After about a month, I was so happy, I knew for sure I was gay (I knew before, but I was in denial). I came out to all my friends and family within the next month, and they were all really supportive.

Now about 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. I'm back to feeling pretty alone everyday again. Because I'm on scholarship, and I'm now working solely on independent research now, I only have obligations at school 2 days of the week. The rest of the days I work alone at home (I live alone). I usually fill my free time with things like tv & gaming. I know I need a change in my life. And even though I would never change the time I spent with my ex, I know that change I need is not a new boyfriend. So I guess what I'm wondering is what kinds of changes should I make?

I have a lot of free time I could fill (I only need to work about 8 hours a day on research to keep up), and I want to fill that time with activities that might allow me to meet new people. I would love to get a part-time job, but the scholarship I'm on doesn't allow it. I've thought about volunteering, but I don't really have any connections (could someone suggest something?). I'm also thinking about breaking the lease on my apartment, and looking for a roommate. What else could I do to get more socializing in my life? Has anyone moved away from all their friends & relatives before? What did you do to meet new people?

 

[KaraBulut]

Your profile doesn't reveal much about where you live. It's easier to make suggestions if we know what country or city you're in.

Also, if you were with your boyfriend for 6 months, didn't you make some friends or do things socially during that time?

 

[chatolandia]

Yeah, I felt like that the first few years I moved here


then a few friends from PR came and we had this great group of people, but they started settling down (mostly straight) and having kids. And I felt out of touch...


I started doing stuff, going to classes that interest me, but are not my area of expertise. looking for activities that I may want to do and joining the groups

Now I have friends from all over town, and from all over the world. It helps a lot


good luck with your school, and get yourself out there!

 

[SpanishSportsman]

Join some sports club (gay if you prefer), or go to classes.
It's a nice way to meet new people, plus you're learning new things or making exercise.

I had to found a gay&lesbian badminton club here in Madrid, and now we're over 50 players in the team (gay, lesbian and straight), and I have a lot of new friends.

 

[Coffee]

Well... My situation is similar
I live alone right now in an apartment, away from family, and I don't have any friends that live near me. I hang out sometime with my friend, but I spend lot of time alone. I have to say no one knock my door . But everytime I feel bored from watching TV or so, I wander around the city. It may help. I feel better. May be being at home so much freak you out. Or you may find some classes to attend....

 

[ephram314]

Thanks for all the responses guys. Sounds like a lot of people are suggesting joining clubs or other organizations on campus. I've looked at them before, but never tried going to any. I remember being underwhelmed by the selection. I'll check through the list again, and see if there are any I'm interested in.

Your profile doesn't reveal much about where you live. It's easier to make suggestions if we know what country or city you're in.

Also, if you were with your boyfriend for 6 months, didn't you make some friends or do things socially during that time?

I'm in the US, Louisiana. My exes' friends were quite a bit different than me. I'm a really quiet, reserved person. They all had very loud personalities. It was difficult for me to get to know any of them that well. Plus, it was a long distance thing, he lives about 3 hours from here.

Has anyone ever volunteered anywhere? I'm not sure it would be a good way to make friends, but it would at least get me out of the house sometimes. I'd prefer to do something for a non-religious organization, but that might be difficult to find here. Any ideas?

 

[Coffee]

Has anyone ever volunteered anywhere? I'm not sure it would be a good way to make friends, but it would at least get me out of the house sometimes. I'd prefer to do something for a non-religious organization, but that might be difficult to find here. Any ideas?

How about volunteer for a pet/animal hospital? or some place that you can help invalid people...

 

[jubalon]

I would definitely reccomend you to join a student organization. I joined one for just a week ago, and have had great times meeting loads of interesting people already. Try to find something that might be interesting, and if the subject of the group isn't too interesting in it self, there might be cool people to meet anyways. For my own sake, it was something I think will be a great move for the future.