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Im Such a F*cking Dick

H

HartfordGuy

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First of all, why can't you just hang out with her as a friend?

Secondly, you can't avoid hurting people or from getting hurt. That is just one of the sucky side effects of relationships.
 
I think its really admirable that your taking her feelings into consideration in such a big way. But I think you may be putting a little too much pressure on yourself. Most of us at times in our lives question our sexuality and have some confusion on what we really are. Fuck..I'm going through it right now myself. My suggestion is just to relax a little and go on a couple of actual dates with this girl. You don't have to make a life time commitment to her. Just see what develops. I strongly urge you at some point to experience some sort of same sex experience so you can see what you prefer, but as far as this girl. Don't stress and let your body and heart tell you what to do. ..|
 
One thing you can do is relax a little bit and try not to predict the too-off future with much certainty right now. If your friends--male or female--want to get together socially, do so if you're interested in the activity. Forget about the male-female dyiads and all that this implies. Just go out and have fun and meet and be around people for the sake of fun only.

If, and when, feelings develop for people--and in people with regard to you, then you can cross that bridge when you come to it. Chances are, though, that it's all for a good time and nothing else.

When I was 19, I was in the same boat. I turned down lots of social occasions for fear that this or that would happen, or these or those feelings would develop. The fear was quite paralyzing, really. It's too bad, because most people are out for nothing more than a few laughs and a good time, and down-the-road feelings are the farthest thing from most peoples' mind, most of the time.
 
You're still young, don't sweat it. If you like her, go for it. If something changes for you in the future, you can deal with it at that point.
 
I had that fear three weeks ago and its what caused me to start coming out.

I don't know if you have told anyone you are bi yet, but let me tell you that for me it helped a LOT. Accepting that I find guys attractive has sort of... opened a window and I am a lot happier and secure with myself and less afraid of sexual opportunities with girls.
 
I don't know what the statistics are but if you're bisexual that means attracted to both sexes, so what's the bloody big deal? If you like a guy, be with him, if you like a girl, be with her, if you a like a couple...well, that gets a little more complicated with probably 1% chance of a LTR but go for that as well if you're into it. And cheer up, dude.
 
I agree with Lifesaver and what others have said so far. You don't need to know the answer to your preference or what-have-you. Just coming to terms with my own attraction to guys made relationships a lot easier for me. At first I had the worry that perhaps I was gay all these years and that the attraction I had for some girls was me just trying to fit in. It's hard to tell, but when I was use to the idea that I was attracted to guys I realized that I was bi and not gay. I wouldn't worry too much about categories, if you really like her give it a try.

I'd spend more time with her, see if you really do like her and if you want to start something. I'd say it's too early to worry about how your orientation fits in with community expectations (though it's nice that you do worry about her feelings). Who knows, maybe after trying you find that you mesh better as friends then as girlfriend/boyfriend. Or perhaps she's "the one". You can't really be sure unless you try.
 
Just take life as it comes. The fact you take others feelings into consderation will make you a hot prospect-to guys or girls.
 
Skeleton_Paradox said:
Ive met this girl who I get on with really well. Shes ace at drawing and understands my humour and makes me laugh. Ive only known her for about a month now and we've only met up in person twice.
We talk on instant messenger all the time and Ive been invited with her to go see Spider Man 3. Ive began to think about asking her out but the fact that I feel my sexuality is so insecure I dont want to go out with her and then discover that Im actualy gay and then have to dump her and I will just feel terrible.
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You are a really nice guy for caring so much about her feelings. You are discovering your sexual identity and that creates lots of confussion. I know you rather date someone when you really know you could like her. The thing is that you can't be certain, especially since you haven't dated either a girl or a guy. You like this girl, cuz you share same things. She's interesting enough to chat with for a whole month.

Don't let the word date scare you. Like it was said before, dating isn't a lifetime commitment. Dating is all about getting to know each other much better than you have untill now. Sometimes it doesn't work and the girl isn't what you think of and you don't want to date more and sometimes there is a sparkling connection and both want to spend more time together. I think you should at least go to the movie with her and sit next to her.
 
Everyone here seems to have given good advice. I'll just add:

Caring about her feelings makes you a good person, not a "f*cking dick".

But try not to think so far ahead. You don't have to worry about everything. Just go on a date and see how it goes. Who knows what will happen in the future? You may end up in a ltr, there may be no spark from the start, you may go out for a while and then one or the other breaks it off for a million reasons, you could become good friends, etc., etc.. Just go for it and have fun, no worries.

Good luck!
 
I need another update about your dating skills 8)
 
Skeleton_Paradox said:
Why am I such a dick-wad :grrr: ?
After reading this through I think Im quite scared about relationships not because I might get hurt by the other person, but its because I will hurt myself and the other person. Its like fucking Jekyll & Hyde. I just dont know what to do](*,) .
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Have you tought of discussing this subject with the girl?
 
Sorta like the guy who wanted to learn to swim but didnt want to get wet... Sometimes you just have to jump in and test the waters.
 
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