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I'm the bottom, he's the top! My BF can't cum!

L

lucasss

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But my bf can't cum unless i put my finger in his but, or my dick at the last minute.

I think his anxiety medication also messes with this, sometimes he can't cum at all.

I cum really easily and pretty fast and it's kinda hurting our sex life. sometimes when he can't cum i feel as if it's because of me, and then that turns me off.

any advice?
 
One thing that is important to remember is that an orgasm and an ejaculation are different things that don’t always happen simultaneously. You should talk to him about it, maybe he is still having an orgasm and just not ejaculating.
 
I feel that the top needs to figure himself out, what he likes, and what will get him off. And then he needs to let you know so that the two of you can make it happen together. I'm a top. Sometimes, when I'm having STOOPID awesome sex, I don't cum. It's like I miss the threshold. I'm rock hard, but just don't cum. So don't you feel bad, cuz he is the one in charge of his sensations.
 
Some antidepressants definitely cause this (Zoloft is notorious for it). It's not you. Tell him to talk to his doctor about it.
 
It's the medication delaying his orgasm. It could also affect his ability to get erect. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you. He needs to have a talk with his doctor. Different meds might have the required effect.

I'm on anti-anxiety meds AND just had prostate surgery AND am the top. Are you my partner? ;)

Oh, the things I once took for granted. Loving kindness, a sense of humor and a willingness to be playful is what I'm planning to use.

Happy exploring to the two of you.
 
I've been on Zoloft for over a year - haven't had any erection problems, but anorgasmia is definitely an issue. For the first few weeks after I started taking it, I could not cum at all. I tried for hours. Nothing. Once the meds got into my system, I could do it, but it took awhile. OP, has your bf just started on the meds, or has he been on them awhile?

Recently, I've been started on a 2nd antidepressant (in addition to Zoloft), which has further alleviated the problem. But I still definitely have to be stimulated the right way (anal sex doesn't do it - frottage does)...so you might have to experiment.
 
lucasss said:
But my bf can't cum unless i put my finger in his but, or my dick at the last minute.

I think his anxiety medication also messes with this, sometimes he can't cum at all.

I cum really easily and pretty fast and it's kinda hurting our sex life. sometimes when he can't cum i feel as if it's because of me, and then that turns me off.

any advice?
Click to expand...

Well, you should keep sticking things up his asshole, since that's the only thing that seems to get him to cum.... He could switch to a different anxiety med that doesn't have sexual side effects.

Good luck gettin his cum! *|*
 
Can he make himself cum alone...without you being in the room?
 
my opinion --
You are turning him off (your body or something that you do).
(hint Compare yourself to the porn he watches)

OR OR OR

he is a bottom and is in denial...

If you are absolutely sure about your looks then you should just tell him that you think that he is a bottom and he should try to find somebody else. He will naturally deny it but it will be good for both of you
 
rollex_2000 said:
my opinion --
You are turning him off (your body or something that you do).
Click to expand...

Ouch! ...so insensitive for the holiday season. You could have waited until after the New Year to spring this on him :lol:
 
HunterM said:
Ouch! ...so insensitive for the holiday season. You could have waited until after the New Year to spring this on him :lol:
Click to expand...

Sorry I don't play politics when it comes to giving honest advises and opinions.
Being blunt but truthful in these cases is better
 
rollex_2000 said:
Sorry I don't play politics when it comes to giving honest advises and opinions.
Being blunt but truthful in these cases is better
Click to expand...

You don't really know what you are saying. You have no idea to say such a crass thing. I've read your brutal honesty thread in Hot Topics on how you interrupt beauty and the tactless way you will tell someone what is or what is not about themselves.

It is a good thing this is a no flame zone because I will be polite and just say you are a legend in your own mind and very much a brute in your lack of sensitivity. The immature way you view being brutally blunt is somewhat juvenile in your development and better suited for a cold board of transistor on a machine. We are human and there are many times when there is no need for the truth to be told but rather if you have nothing positive to say then shut it up, you will not be lying if you keep negative comments unheard, have some class and tact.

But you are no expert on much of anything and certainly doubt you even have a clue about emotions, love, or in this case "Effexor"

I pity the person who is with you and should some tragedy occur such as a horrible disfiguring accident or a change in appearance due to medications and illness happen because your brutal honesty when asked why you left them will be mentally scarring more than the event which led to disfigurement or the change.
 
I'm having the same problem. I take anxiety meds and it takes me literally hours to cum.
 
man1lover said:
I'm having the same problem. I take anxiety meds and it takes me literally hours to cum.
Click to expand...

I don't, and I take a long time to cum anyways.

To the OP, ask if your boyfriend is masturbating too hard. Death grips on your dick can desensitize it temporarily. If he goes to a lighter touch it might fix the issue.

He may also have anxiety...oh wait, yeah that's what he's on medication for! The fact that you're worried about him not cumming is probably one of the causes of the problem (or him worried that you'll be disappointed if he doesn't cum).

Talk to him about the issue. Let him know that sex shouldn't be racing toward a goal (like ejaculation). It should be just about two people enjoying being with each other. It should be fun!
 
I find it erotic to enjoy sex in waves before actually cumming. A 30-second break or a 10 minute break, it's all good. So taking a long time is not always a problem.

Also, maybe some variety would be more erotic for him than topping all the time.
 
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