In love with a guy help

[thelaw18489]

I'm in love with this guy he's 3 years younger then me which is a little against my ethics even if he is legal, however his hotness and vunability and interests makes me go crazy for him. The issue is this on his Facebook page it says he likes guys. I know him to be a sarcastic person and question the fact that he might be straight not gay like his profile says. I am in the closet with no plans on coming out till I establish myself in the business world and feel that my sexuality wouldn't trump my potential. So the issue here is how do I tell for sure and make certain that he is gay. All of my friends are straight in real life all my gay friends are from the internet. Question is how do i approach this without outing myself to the world yet still make a pass at him

 

[TX-Beau]

So basically you want to take no risks. You want a sure thing, then you want to hide it. OK. I'm sure you're aware that if he's out and you're not, that's going to be a problem.

Well, at some point he's going to have to know you're gay. You do realize that don't you. If you won't tell and you won't ask, there's not much we can do to help you.

We don't know him, we don't know if he's gay, straight, bi, or into sheep.

All we can tell you is that you won't know until you ask. He says he's gay, why not take him at his word. That seems like a very strange way to be sarcastic.

Why does your work prevent you from telling your friends - and specifically this guy - you're gay? Thousands of gay men are out at home but not at work.

 

[chace1617]

well why don't you tell him to go out with you for a beer etc and talk to him, i think being honest and not make him feel bad or insult him is the best solution and it won't be a big deal anyway, if he is a nice guy as you say he will keep it as a secret and it won't be a big deal anyway. the worst thing to happen is that he is str8 and tell you he's bot interested in you, that's all

 

[FameMonster]

Well, what if he's gay? Where do you see yourself with him? Being together but no one who knows it? Or are you only willing to come out if he does it too?

I know that coming out is one of the hardest things to do, but if I were you and you think he really could be gay, and he's a good friends of yours, I would say go for it, and come out to him. If he's gay or bi I think because you show him you trust him with this, he will do the same and if he really is gay, he will tell you then and you can go from there

But I think you should ask yourself, what is he really is gay? Do you really want to be with him? or is he just a one-night stand? Because I think that if you wanna be with him, you should come out. And not to everyone, just your close friends and family.

But if you don't wanna come out I would say observe his behaviour. Is he looking to a lot of girls or doesn'r he really care? Does he have a lot of girlfriends? of none? Body language can say a lot as well! Or bring up his facebook status once, playfully of course and see how he reacts

 

[Anders123]

Everything that's said above / the questions asked are pretty spot on.

I just thought I'd add that one time, I left my facebook logged in and my friends changed my info to say 'interested in men' as a joke, little did they know
Anyway it took me a while to notice, and generally people don't take facebook too seriously so IT IS actually possible that it's a joke, like mine was, well...wasn't...but was.

 

[Seasoned]

Having face to face sex with men in your home town is coming out. Even when doing it in the bushes some guys run into people they know not to mention media reports should they be arrested. How about a private message to him on facebook, "so just how into guys are you?" Don't treat being gay as a defect. You are just as entitled to a sex life as are your straight buds. Good luck.

 

[thelaw18489]

Thanks for all the advice. Reason I need to be in the closet is because I been trying so hard to pursue a career in the management side of sports even before I knew I was gay so I want to establish myself before I come out. Anyways I like the advice I been getting pretty spot on to how I been feeling. What Anders said is what I'm fearing. Not to afraid of getting in a relationship and people knowing because quite a few people know I am gay just only one person in the town I live and quite a few that went to the first college I went to. I think I am going to approach this as a wait and see. I'm going to ask one of my female friends from canada that I do not have on facebook to ask him for me so I do not risk anything. But overall sorek that you for your advice it was spot on and I am going to be more agressive about my sex life because I'm starting to realize that sometimes its just not worth completly hiding.

 

[aijalon18]

Maybe you should be in the closet for your career. I have no idea. But if you are gonna stay closeted maybe you should postpone pursuing a relationship. Don't u think it's a little unfair to essentially drag someone else into the closet with you? You say u really like this guy. What if he ends up really liking u. Don't u think he deserves better than sneaking around pretending he's just your friend.

Plus it's a slippery slope when you set these coming out deadlines. You end up continuing to find reasons and excuses why you can't come out. First it's your career. Then you have to wait for a promotion. Then you are moving to a new city..

 

[KaraBulut]

Thanks for all the advice. Reason I need to be in the closet is because I been trying so hard to pursue a career in the management side of sports even before I knew I was gay so I want to establish myself before I come out.

Most people here understand why a person might want to keep their personal life separate from their work life. There can be a distinction between a professional career and personal life. Your professional associates and co-workers don't need to know about the details of your personal life if you don't want them to.

The problem with the approach you've chosen is that it sacrifices your personal life to maintain privacy in your professional life. That shouldn't happen. You should have a rich personal life and a rich professional life. And you can be "out", have gay friends (real ones, not virtual ones), date and not have the details of your personal life known at work.

Don't get trapped in the "I will come out and start living my life when I...." philosophy. The years pass too quickly.