The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

In need of advice on a Bi guy

Just because he is bisexual does not mean he will not be monogamus(sp?), right? If you have an exclusive relationship what difference does it make? Maybe you need to discuss with him where this is going and how you feel.
 
mac_twck said:
Just because he is bisexual does not mean he will not be monogamus(sp?), right? If you have an exclusive relationship what difference does it make? Maybe you need to discuss with him where this is going and how you feel.
Click to expand...

Seconded. Bisexual doesn't mean slutty.
 
Another alternative is the "Coming Out and Relationships" forum. It´s a non-flame zone. Bisexuality generates strong reactions here and this might limit the discussion of your question.

Have you guys defined this relationship? What are the expectations?
Not everyone is willing to deal with a bisexual partner, but being bisexual is not a crime. You just need to clarify what your boundaries and fears are and talk to your partner. Have you shared some of your concerns? How did he react? It seems as if you are willing to end this relationship without discussion ("How to end it without hurting someone is what it really comes down to").

What is lacking in this relationship? The sex seems to be great but not all gay men are willing to date a bisexual and this might be the root of your problem (trust issues, emotional stability, etc.). At the same time, there are bisexual guys in stable same-sex relationships that have decided for monogamy. Stereotypes are not useful. Clarify what you are looking for in a guy and move into that direction.
 
Yves said:
Another alternative is the "Coming Out and Relationships" forum. It´s a non-flame zone. Bisexuality generates strong reactions here and this might limit the discussion of your question.
Click to expand...
Yes, I agree and I've moved it here--to a no-flame zone.
 
A bisexual doesn't mean he will cheat on you. If that is the only reason you think he will walk out on you, then you need to insert that into your head before you ruin the relationship.

And just because he is bi, doesn't mean he will end the relationship, years down the road, just because you can't give him kids down the road (unlike a women).

Just be honest with him, and be honest with yourself. Fears can be irrational, but don't let your fears drive your life. Don't ruin a good thing about what could be, look at what you got and enjoy it if you are currently happy (which you say you are).
 
tryout151 said:
I do understand what you are saying, but for me, it's not knowing where I stand. I don't want to pressure. We have never defineded the relationship nor have we definded the expectations. I am in uncharted waters, so it is hard for me. I don't know what is expected. I do know I care about him, but I don't know where he stands. Do I think he cares about me?.. yes. What I expect from a guy, he fills... I just don't want to share with him with someone else. That is the part that bothers me the most.
Click to expand...

Sounds like there should be more communication going on between the both of you. If he is bisexual and he is still "single", there is no guarantee that he will decide on settling with a chick instead of a dude! Rather sooner than later, lay the issues on the table and work it through together. There is nothing wrong with being honest with each other and if at this early stage, you cannot be honest about your expectations and his too, then I don't see the possibility of this being a healthy relationship any time in the future.
 
tryout151 said:
I do understand what you are saying, but for me, it's not knowing where I stand. I don't want to pressure. We have never defineded the relationship nor have we definded the expectations. I am in uncharted waters, so it is hard for me. I don't know what is expected. I do know I care about him, but I don't know where he stands. Do I think he cares about me?.. yes. What I expect from a guy, he fills... I just don't want to share with him with someone else. That is the part that bothers me the most.
Click to expand...

You don't have to share him!!! That is a sterotype, just like the sterotype gays have high voices.

Right now I am sensing you are just uncertain of the future, you know its great now, but your mind is uncertain of the future. You naturally assume the worse, as a defense mechanism, as a way to protect yourself. If you know it could happen, maybe it won't hurt as much if it does happen.

The problem with letting this defense mechanism control you, is that you will always be miserable. For in life alot of bad things can happen, if nothing bad happens with this guy something may happen bad with the next one. And thus you won't enjoy the present, for you let your fears ruin the present. You have an honest fear, and it scares you, okay accept that, now look at it from your rational point of view. Is it likely to happen? Or are you giving this fear an undue weight due to a sterotype and you being fearful for the future?

The future doesn't matter. The present does!!!


(*8*) *hugs* (*8*)
 
Are you CERTAIN that he is "Bi" ? ... I hate lables .... BUT; what makes you even think that he is going to want to end the relationship if all is well in it ? I think that perhaps YOU are just a little overreactive about nothing ....
Be HONEST and keep your relationship as you say it is and there should be no problems ..
 
I don't think it has anything to do with monogamy..

But most bi men that I've spoken to have said that their sexuality is "fluid" and that they go back and forth being more attracted to men and then women.

My advice has ALWAYS been to not date bi men. Shag them? Not for me, but you go ahead... no judgements here...

Dating a man who is most likely going to swing back the other way is going to more often than not end up badly.

This has NOTHING to do with cheating.... it has to do with his innate sexual orientation that will most likely flow away from men and toward women at some point... doesn't make him a bad guy.. just a bad candidate for a long term relationship.
 
Soilwork is tossing you a stereotype. Rather than buy it, FIND OUT!
Really, that's no different than being with a guy who's totally gay -- you need to communicate and establish where your expectations and boundaries are.
Some guys who are bi can't handle not having sex with a female, others don't care and will be monogamous, others are what I call "simply horny" (just like a lot of gays) and will play around no matter what, with either sex. And each of those broad types comes with subtle "flavors".

So ask -- not like some business meeting, but make yourself a list of things you'd like to know, and bring them up one at a time, as the moment seems right. It would be really sad if you dumped him for being bi, only to find out later that he's definitely the faithful type -- or that he's still in transition, not aware yet that he's actually all gay.
 
tryout151 said:
I don't want to come off as a nag, or someone that is insecure.
So I don't ask a lot of questions. I pick up on more of what he tells me. It seems like a woman is not in his life and not likely to be. But I don't ask because of my fears. I would then have to make a decision. And I know the decision would be that he would be out of my life. I don't want to have to do that. 1:) I don't want to hurt him. 2:) I don't want him out of my life... A god damm conflilct.
Click to expand...

What do you come off as by staying silent?

What's different from this and having a totally gay bf? Either way, you face the possibility of him wanting someone else; it's just that in his case, the someone else might turn out to be female.
 
robertac said:
Is it my imagination, or are you just getting nicer towards bi men? :-) ........... :kiss:
Click to expand...

I'm trying.

no, to be honest, I know that my horrible expieriences with dating bi men aren't ALL bi men.. just all the ones I've dated.

I agree that you need to communicate your fears with him.. don't just dump him for no reason.

Hey, he might not even be bi... and finding out that using the label of bi might chase someone that he cares about might make him drop the label altogether.
 
robertac said:
Is it my imagination, or are you just getting nicer towards bi men? :-) ........... :kiss:
Click to expand...

Not really. Same stuff, different forum. I respect the consistency.

As for the dating thing, well, my first ex, the one who was so afraid that I as a bi would leave him for a woman is now an "ex-gay" who's dating a woman. Go figure.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top