In straight relationship but crave gay sex... very confused

[kelvin]

Hi everyone.

I'm 30 years old and in a straight relationship of about 1.5 years. She's basically my first girlfriend and the second woman I've ever slept with. I've never done anything remotely sexual with a guy.

I know I'm not gay. I'm extremely attracted to women, and I love everything about them. An attractive woman gets my dick rock hard, and I want to fuck almost every woman I come in contact with.

But I've always craved gay sex and jerked off to gay porn.

What's confusing is that I'm not really attracted to men, but I love the idea of gay sex. Does that make any sense? I couldn't honestly I'm physically attracted to many men, whereas I'm attracted to 90% of women.

I almost feel like I have a gay fetish. The IDEA of gay sex really turns me on. I'm not even exactly sure what it is about it. I'm particularly turned on by the idea of men (especially older men) fucking me. It's something about men using my body to get off. My biggest fantasy is being the release for a gay closeted married guy.

It sounds kind of fucked up even writing it, I'm sure it sounds weird.

I've been turned on by gay sex for as long as I can remember. Since puberty. But I've always been way more attracted to women and straight sex, so jerking off to gay porn once in a while was enough for me to consider it a minor part of my life. I accepted that I wasn't straight, but somewhere in the middle. And I never wanted a relationship with a man, only women.

Since being in this relationship I haven't been able to jerk off to gay porn so I have no release for it. Sometimes I jerk off in the shower thinking about fucking dudes, but not being able to really release the urge means it builds up more and more.

My girlfriend has no idea about any of this. I think she'd be disgusted if I told her, which is why it's been a secret.

But it's eating me alive. Something I really regret is never experimenting with a guy to see if it's something i'm actually into.

I really, really want to have gay sex. I never thought it would consume me this much, and I just tucked it away in a little compartment of my mind when I got into this relationship. But not having any release, even on my own, is making it overwhelming.

I'm not sure what to do. I mostly just wanted to vent. I could never cheat on her and I won't. But I crave dick so bad.

 

[evanrick]

if she would be disgusted if you told her then your girl friend is homophobic or is playing off your own homophobia or being insecure. thats a whole other issue. your identity is your own. you cant believe what you think your feelings are to be true if your trying this hard to convince yourself that your "totally straight"

i dont normally respond to these because i know little about relationships im just real bored

it doesnt sound wierd i know many gay guys in straight relationships. its usually guys who are in straight relationships, even married, who felt the most pressure to act straight. that pressure being so overwhelming they must have recognized they were gay sooner than some. see another man in your same situation.

 

[Seasoned]

Therapy might be the answer. A guy can be so conditioned to the notion of being straight that he tells himself he's not attracted to men, only the thought of gay sex.

Only you can determine your orientation and today there are some who don't care to categorize themselves.

I remember the "pressure cooker" effect you describe when being frustrated on a daily basis. Never say never when it comes to cheating. A person can handle only so much frustration. I think for peace of mind you are going to have to sort this out no matter what it does to your current relationship. You will be well served by putting yourself first.

 

[palemale]

Hi everyone.
What's confusing is that I'm not really attracted to men, but I love the idea of gay sex. Does that make any sense?

No. If you want to have gay sex, you are really attracted to men.

 

[KaraBulut]

Underlying all of this is a lot of confusion about a lot of things.

Sexuality is not all black and white. People have a variety of attractions, interests and fetishes. Somethings are fantasies; not every fantasy has to become a reality.

Given how long this has gone on and the level of anxiety that it's causing you, working with a good therapist will help you sort it all out.

 

[TX-Beau]

I have to agree, we can tell you that this issue is you being conflicted and extremely averse to the possibility you DO like men and are just in denial, but until you are ready, you won't hear that.

Therapy, you need a professional you can get into the details with, we're amateurs.

 

[r4nd0m1z3d]

No. If you want to have gay sex, you are really attracted to men.

But one can be attracted in different ways. I don't find guys very attractive at all when speaking about appearance or their bodies overall. I'm just attracted to the dick. I love the act of having sex with another guy but have no interest whatsoever in them aside from that. Meanwhile I like all the aspects of womens bodies and am also romantically attracted to them.

 

[TX-Beau]

So why then are you "obsessed" with gay sex? Why not just go have fulfilling relationships with and hot sex with women. IF this is just a quirky niche thing for you why is it on your mind to the point that you made a profile and started a thread about it?

Straight guys who are marginally curious don't do things like that.

You know, you are far from the first guy ever to say what you're saying.

Therapy.

 

[bobafatt]

I completely agree with OP. I find women's bodies, personalities, everything about them amazing. I don't find guys attractive, but I find Cock and cum a huge turn on. I would love to be fucked by a big cock, but that's it. not interested in "relationship" it's purely a hot fetish, cock, cum, piss, anal. I can get piss and anal from my wife. she unfortunately cannot fuck me unless it's with s strap on which is great, but the feel of a Real Cock is the turn on. I know some of you will say Im really gay, and cheating myself bla bla bla, but I know me. I would fuck a guy in a heartbeat, have him fuck me, but as far as attraction, women are my attraction. A hot chick is something that will always get me hard.

 

[bankside]

I'm 30 years old and in a straight relationship of about 1.5 years.

I love relationship guys. I can relate. Some guys can't do relationships or genuinely don't want it. You must know some straight guys who only want to fuck women and move on to the next one, right? We'll come back to that.

Okay so, here's your issue:

I'm not sure what to do. I mostly just wanted to vent. I could never cheat on her and I won't. But I crave dick so bad.

And you deal with it exactly the same way you deal with this issue:

An attractive woman gets my dick rock hard, and I want to fuck almost every woman I come in contact with.

You imagine fucking every wet pussy you have time to fantasize about. And you imagine riding every hard jizzing dick that comes to mind. You enjoy every thought of long-married guys leaving your hole used and stretched out after they've had their way with you.


The whole thing about "relationships" with a guy, or not wanting that, is just a distraction. Lots of 100% straight guys don't want relationships with women, they just want to fuck them, and they are still 100% straight. You don't want relationships with men, you just want to fuck them. And since you like women too, the word for that is bisexual.

Don't want to date them? So maybe you're not bi-romantic. That's easy enough -just don't dump your GF to try to date a guy.

Being bi, you can still be a good, loyal, fully-functional boyfriend. But if she's also a good, loyal, fully-functional girlfriend, she should not be disgusted by that fact. Ideally she should be turned on by it, and knowing that you're bi should just make her want to ride you all the more.

You're not wrong, and you've done nothing wrong, to notice the hotness of men. My hope is that anyone you have a future with would be willing to deal with that.

 

[Pantyboysissy]

I'm in the same boat. I've been in a relationship for 10 months and I have considered myself straight. But deep down I have been craving cock so fucking much. At first it started out as just looking at cocks, then I started to watch transsexual porn. Eventually I made my way to gay porn and promised myself that I wouldn't be turned on by the guys I was watching, just the cock. But that only lasted for a few weeks, and guys really started to turn me on. I felt so bad about it at first, but when I wanted to masturbate I would just see a hot twink with a big cock and I would be so turned on. I thought to myself why would I fight my urges and accepted that I might be gay. I liked pussy, but once cock got into my mind I felt like it was all I wanted. I was no longer feeling arroused by pussy like I used to. I'm in a tough situation cause I love my girlfriend, but I can't shake how I feel about men. Recently I bought a dildo and started to use it on myself and I have never felt a sensation like this in my life. My obsession for cock is at a new high, and when i masturbate now, thinking to myself that I am gay while I fuck my ass is a huge turn on. So don't feel bad because there are plenty of us out there that feel the same way.

 

[Eagle653]

Pantyboysissy, Seasoned and Kara Bulut's advice to kelvin applies to you as well. These issues are as complex as they are confusing. Many of us have had to work with good therapists to sort out these feelings and figure out what they do and don't mean. You aren't alone.

 

[Pantyboysissy]

Thanks for the advice eagle653. I really don't have crazy anxiety about my situation. I can't help what turns me on, and I've accepted it. I still like vagina, but the way I feel when I see a naked guy with a cock just turns me on Beyond belief. It slowly built up inside me and now it's at a all time high where I really want to engage in gay sex. So maybe I'm bisexual, cause I still get arroused when I see a hot girl. That's why I turned to transsexual porn because it was a girl with a cock. Then I tried gay porn, just twinks. And there were certain twinks which I thought were so fucking cute. Still weird when I type stuff like this lol. This site has been a big help, being able to express what's been inside with other people on here. I do appreciate it.