Inside of my head

[dontaskme69]

Hey guys...

i spend entirely too much time keeping my thoughts to myself so tonight i thought id share them. Your thoughts, advise, and opinions are welcome.

ive never had much luck in the love game personally. Im a guy who is not out, but i have been working on it. The few people i have told have never spoken to me again (and its been about 2 yrs, so i dont think they are gonna come around)..i got scared so i stopped telling. I guess I wonder this because, to know me, you would never know im an emotional person. My friends tend to latch onto my ability to be strong through many situations. im the guy that people cry on at funerals, im the guy that people come tell all their problems to, and i also give advise and am super supportive. The sucky part of this deal is that ive lost the ability to ask for those things.

My problem here (and what im leading up to) is that past experiences have caused me to clam up. i realized one of my friends is right, im afraid of being vulnerable. im afraid to say outloud what i am, im afraid to take a chance on talking to someone, hell, im even afraid of typing this right now because i hate seeming like a weak individual.

How, if you have ever encountered this, did you get over it?

 

[dontaskme69]

thanks, i appreciate that, and yes thats an excellent quote.

yeah ive had sime negative experiences with people, and not that it kakes me feel like everyone is like them but it definitely leaves a sour taste towards doing it again. im still trying to work on opening up and telling people

 

[AlmondMilk]

My friends tend to latch onto my ability to be strong through many situations. im the guy that people cry on at funerals, im the guy that people come tell all their problems to, and i also give advise and am super supportive. The sucky part of this deal is that ive lost the ability to ask for those things.

You are still a strong person. It takes a lot of courage to come out to friends and family. They may not come around quickly, but they may eventually come around. Still, don't be discouraged. There has to be at least one person who realizes, "Hey, this guy has been there for me when I was out of it. Let me be there for him now."

And regarding love, you WILL be vulnerable. You'll be spending your time with someone, and he'll be getting to know the real you. If anything, just remember to keep the conversations going. The moment when communication seems to go downhill, assume you need to take the initiative. Now, meeting someone is a toughy. There's always parties you can go to or sites like Adam4Adam... Just don't get discouraged if the click doesn't happen suddnely.

 

[hotguy765]

Hey guys...

i spend entirely too much time keeping my thoughts to myself so tonight i thought id share them. Your thoughts, advise, and opinions are welcome.

ive never had much luck in the love game personally. Im a guy who is not out, but i have been working on it. The few people i have told have never spoken to me again (and its been about 2 yrs, so i dont think they are gonna come around)..i got scared so i stopped telling. I guess I wonder this because, to know me, you would never know im an emotional person. My friends tend to latch onto my ability to be strong through many situations. im the guy that people cry on at funerals, im the guy that people come tell all their problems to, and i also give advise and am super supportive. The sucky part of this deal is that ive lost the ability to ask for those things.

My problem here (and what im leading up to) is that past experiences have caused me to clam up. i realized one of my friends is right, im afraid of being vulnerable. im afraid to say outloud what i am, im afraid to take a chance on talking to someone, hell, im even afraid of typing this right now because i hate seeming like a weak individual.

How, if you have ever encountered this, did you get over it?

The friends that stopped talking to you when you came out weren't your real friends then. There will be people that you will meet that will accept you for you.

Being emotional or asking for advice or opening up to someone doesn't show signs of weakness. Even the strongest people need help sometimes. Your not superman and your not invincible, you go through things that hurt and you need to open up. Don't always be scared though, life is too short for you to clam up and never show the emotional side of you, who I believe to be the real you.

 

[Seasoned]

We have all the soft emotions, like hurt, whether or not we acknowledge them. They eventually come out as something else, typically anger or even illnesses. It takes a great deal of energy to keep them bottled up.

 

[NCDogGuy]

How, if you have ever encountered this, did you get over it?

Yes. And I'll let you know when I get over it. Counseling is helping.

Good luck. And sorry to hear that people chose to react negatively and ignore the nice person you appear to be. That sucks.

 

[elGeniuoso1721]

I have encountered this and still experience this, but I am slowly working on it.

Personally, the reason why I am afraid to be vulnerable and why I am so closed up is because I don't want anyone to find out I am gay. I've only come out to my parents, two brothers and two family friends. I never wanted people to get too close to me because I didn't want them to realize what I was hiding. But I am in the process of coming out and as I become more comfortable with who I am and open myself to more people, I realize that I act more real and more vulnerable.

You're afraid to come out because you have been hurt. This means you cannot truly be yourself, so you're not vulnerable. Maybe being in the closet has something to do with it.

What you should realize is that opening up and talking about your emotions, in general, does not make you weak. It takes a lot of courage and strength to be vulnerable. If you're not ready to come out, that's fine; take all the time you need. But it takes strength to open up, you're not weak at all.

 

[dontaskme69]

thank you all for the kind words. you guys are really supportive! im working hard at it. Its been a little tougher especially now that my closest family is 3 states away so i realize ive been more depressed/stressed, but my intent is to start getting a little counseling from a shrink to help me take the necessary steps toward a happier healthier life.

Maybe with a little luck I will even find someone along the way, lol!

 

[NCDogGuy]

Getting help from a counselor is a sign of great strength. It takes courage to admit that we are facing something that we need help dealing with.

I also really recommend exercise. It is the best natural way to fight off depression.

Hang in there. Sensitive guys have a lot of advantages once we stop being ashamed of being sensitive.

And read elGenuoso's post a few times. It is quite insightful.

 

[Seasoned]

I am grateful for being sensitive even though I cry easily. I don't get as hurt as much because I have become assertive over time and let people know when I'm hurt. Sensitivity is a great asset for me with family and friends and always served me well in my career. I had to learn how to live with it, however. It sounds like you are on that path as well. Good luck.

 

[elGeniuoso1721]

Seeing a therapist is a great step! I'm happy for you. Getting your feelings out of your head will allow you to see things more clearly.

NCDogGuy is absolutely right, it takes strength to admit that we need help. We can't do everything on our own.

I also second that recommendation of exercise. A nice 2-mile run or lifting sesh really does wonders. Emotional AND physical benefits.