Insight/Thoughts: Friend Maybe Wants More Than a Friendship Or Becoming More Friendly & Trusting

[helleborus]

Hello, I'm new here and wasn't exactly sure where to post this, but I think this is the right place.

As the title suggests, I'm not sure if the friend I've gotten to know over the past year is just becoming more friendly & trusting, or if he wants something more from me. During the first half of the year or so of knowing each other, it really didn't see like much. We were just acting like stereotypical normal guys. Sometimes we would get super nerdy, especially within our little group of friends. Although, after the first half of the year, he started randomly using emoticons in our texts. I really didn't pay no attention. I just thought he was opening up to me. However, it steadily increased greatly over time. Along with the variety in them. He went from using none in our texts, to frequent use of them.

He has also made efforts to try and to get me to do stuff with him with a much smaller version of our normal group. In our group, we call it adventure time. He usually does this if I haven't talked to him or any of the other guys in our group for awhile. Which is roughly 2-3 days of not being around. Also when I do come over after not being over for a bit, he gets the biggest smile for a few seconds, but tries to hide it. Plus, he will tell me everything going on in his day/life or something he has read since I've last came over. He literally will talk to me non-stop about everything if he can. He has also been telling me his secrets and other things like that as well.

One of the biggest things is that he wrote a story based around what him and his friends made, and I was the second person ever to read it. He stopped writing it for a few years, but recently he said he would continue. Although he's basically writing the story just for him and I since he really won't let anyone else read it. He also seems to assume that I know all of his friends in his hometown even though I really only know two of them. Whom both go to our college. The last thing I can think of, is that he tells me about his family, almost as if I'm kind of a part of it. He has told me things ranging from his sisters relationship with her boyfriend, his grandpa being sick, and sometimes average days in his household. Plus, I don't know if he was joking completely or not, but it seems like he has told his family about me in some aspect. I've asked one of our other guys in our group, who is also his roommate, if he tells him about his family and whatnot, and he said no.

What are your guys' thoughts/insights?

 

[TX-Beau]

Are you out? Is he gay?

 

[rareboy]

Well at the very least he sees you as a special friend and not just a more casual acquaintance.

If you haven't told him you are a homo...you might want to do this.

 

[Seasoned]

He likes you and he trusts you and you are probably his best friend. The easiest way to find out if it goes deeper is to come out to him.

 

[Ganoderma]

(...). He has also been telling me his secrets and other things like that as well. (....). it seems like he has told his family about me in some aspect. (...).

hi helleborus,

Welcome to JUB and no problem at all you have posted your question over here. You don't tell alot about yourself, but I tend to think that you are gay/bi. I agree with the others that he is a nice and a friendly guy, and that he is trusting you, and that he likes you alot.

So he has told (some of) his secrets to you, and I think he is expecting that you will also tell him (some of) your secrets. Well, tell him that you are gay/bi, and/or that you have feelings for guys (or whatever). What's wrong about telling him something about the real You?

Towards my opinion, there is nothing wrong / weird that he has told his family about you? Why wouldn't he? Likely, his parents / family will be curious about what he doing when he is at college, what kind of friends he has over there (etc.). So totally normal that he is telling his family that he has a nice friend at college (= you = helleborus). Do you have something to hide?

Any idea if he is gay/bi? Do you discuss topic like 'girls' with each other? It seems to me you don't have a girlfriend?

Take care & good luck & feel free to react.

 

[slowshow]

Try not to read too much into it or overthink. From outside perspective, it just seems like he is being more comfortable with you. For what reason? We don't know, that's something you have to explore for yourself and you have countless ways to go about this depending on how you feel and how much he knows about you etc.

 

[helleborus]

You don't tell alot about yourself, but I tend to think that you are gay/bi. I agree with the others that he is a nice and a friendly guy, and that he is trusting you, and that he likes you alot.

So he has told (some of) his secrets to you, and I think he is expecting that you will also tell him (some of) your secrets. Well, tell him that you are gay/bi, and/or that you have feelings for guys (or whatever). What's wrong about telling him something about the real You?

Towards my opinion, there is nothing wrong / weird that he has told his family about you? Why wouldn't he? Likely, his parents / family will be curious about what he doing when he is at college, what kind of friends he has over there (etc.). So totally normal that he is telling his family that he has a nice friend at college (= you = helleborus). Do you have something to hide?

Any idea if he is gay/bi? Do you discuss topic like 'girls' with each other? It seems to me you don't have a girlfriend?

No, I really don't tell a lot about myself. As of right now, I'm not entirely sure if I'm Bi or not. I haven't experimented enough to decide that. Just a high openness to new experiences. He most certainly is. So far every time someone has done a rude action to me, he has generally called them assholes. Or would if he was around when it happened.

I agree with the secrets, but it took me too long to realize that. I'm kind of oblivious for somethings. Yeah, I generally don't tell secrets about myself. Although now I know that he wants me to reciprocate that or something else.

Not really. I'm just not use to that especially since I don't really know his family. Also due to the fact that when I meet a friends family is when I go over to their house. Although it could be because I look after him due to him being injury prone.

I don't think he is gay, maybe possibility of being Bi but not too sure. We have discussed topics like that very little. Not too often. As of right now, no I do not.

 

[TX-Beau]

Here's the deal. No one in here has any clue what's going on in his head. All we have to go on is what you tell us, and you are giving us your perceptions we have no way of verifying.

So, what do you want out of this? you really don't sound like you've figured that out yet, so really, before you even get to questions about him, you have some about you that need to be addressed.

 

[helleborus]

All we have to go on is what you tell us, and you are giving us your perceptions we have no way of verifying.

So, what do you want out of this? you really don't sound like you've figured that out yet, so really, before you even get to questions about him, you have some about you that need to be addressed.

That is true. However, I prefer to remain as close as possible to the way everything was in its original state before implementing my own ideas and thoughts.

Just to have our continuing friendship, because it's a great one. His spontaneous change in behavior in such a short time is what caught me off guard.

 

[Rolyo85]

Is it really that spontaneous and in such a short time, or were you oblivious of the signs beforehand? Not attacking you, just thinking out loud.

 

[helleborus]

Is it really that spontaneous and in such a short time, or were you oblivious of the signs beforehand? Not attacking you, just thinking out loud.

I understand, it's perfectly fine, but that is an excellent question. I might have been oblivious to all the signs beforehand and never noticed till now. I can't seem to remember anything beforehand standing out though. Although might be due to the fact that I was oblivious. Thank you for bringing that up though. I honestly never thought about that question.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi helleborus,

Thanks for your friendly and extensive answer and good you have told something more about yourself. I can imagine myself very well that you are not much used to tell alot about yourself (some guys are just like that), and that you also need time and space to find out for yourself what kind of feelings you have for guys and girls.

I also would like to advise you not to project too quickly his behaviour towards you as a signal that he might be gay or bi. It is very well possible that he is just a straight guy who likes you very much, and who is considering you as his best friend. And it seems to me that this is the first time you happen to meet such a guy. That's great, and I fully agree with you that you cherish his friendship. People are also different in the way how they incorporate friends into their daily life. I tend to think that's it's not a big deal for him that you are his best friend, so why not tell his parents / family that he met a nice friend over there (so he is not lonely, or whatever).

Maybe you should think about telling him abit more about yourself, and in particular your feelings towards guys / girls. And there is nothing wrong to tell him that you are still confused / uncertain / unsure if you are bi or not. Same like you have told it to us over here. I mean, he has told you some of his secrets / parts of his private life, and it seems normal that you will do the same. That's the way how such a friendship grows. Ofcourse, all is up to you. Any clue / idea what he thinks about gay people, items like same-sex marriage (etc)? By the way, in which country are you living?

Take care & best wishes & feel free to react.

 

[MorrisseyX]

What does the OP want from the friendship? Does the OP tell his friend anything personal about his life too? Does the OP want a deeper emotional connection his friend or does he just want it to be more casual and light? Does the OP like the friend and just want to be his friend or does he want something more than just a friendship? Maybe the friend of the OP trusts him and values his friendship. Nothing at all sounds romantic from how the OP is describing the friend. Maybe the OP is reading too much into it? Maybe it is simply just a friendship and that's how it going to continue to be?

 

[helleborus]

I can imagine myself very well that you are not much used to tell alot about yourself (some guys are just like that),

I also would like to advise you not to project too quickly his behaviour towards you as a signal that he might be gay or bi. It is very well possible that he is just a straight guy who likes you very much, and who is considering you as his best friend. And it seems to me that this is the first time you happen to meet such a guy. That's great, and I fully agree with you that you cherish his friendship. People are also different in the way how they incorporate friends into their daily life. I tend to think that's it's not a big deal for him that you are his best friend, so why not tell his parents / family that he met a nice friend over there (so he is not lonely, or whatever).

Maybe you should think about telling him abit more about yourself, and in particular your feelings towards guys / girls. And there is nothing wrong to tell him that you are still confused / uncertain / unsure if you are bi or not. Any clue / idea what he thinks about gay people, items like same-sex marriage (etc)? By the way, in which country are you living?

Take care & best wishes & feel free to react.

Thank you Ganoderma for all your helpful responses.

Yes that is true. I generally don't tell too much due to being modest. As you can tell, sometimes it gets to the point where I'm kind of mysterious. Although if I'm asked an question I generally will answer it without any runarounds.

Also true. I do know a lot of nice guys, but this one is nicer than all of the ones I know. I don't think I've quite hit best friend just yet. More so very good friend. It was a different style of incorporating that I haven't seen in my time. So it threw me off a bit. It's fine with me now that he has.

I have been thinking about that. It's just a matter of fitting it into our conversations. He has talked very little about it, but he seems fine with it most of the time. We're in the USA.

Coward92
He isn't trying to flirt with me. Well it doesn't stand out. We both aren't really a fan of touching (him more strict about that idea than I) unless it's in a relationship, nope for that. He has entered my private sphere a few times. One time stands out in particular since it was a little too close for me. He wanted to see what I was watching on my laptop, but his face was closer than it needed to be. He doesn't really make our meetings intimate maybe due to the fact that someone else is always there. Although he does seem to take glances at me often during them. He has flattered me a few times and even went late to a party just to go to my vocal performance. Although most of the guys in that group have flattered me at least once due to being well-rounded and having the capabilities of doing many things.