Internet love

[jukiluki]

Hello! So this is a bit longer one, but I just want to write it down. For around three years now, I've known a guy on Internet and we have become really great friends. In October, we somehow developed feelings for each other, I loved him, but he didn't love me, he just said he felt something for me, but that was enough for me. We were in an internet relationship, although knowing it'd not work out, I wanted to try it, because, well, who knew... I always say it's better to try something to see if it will work out than to wonder your whole life what would have happened if it had happened. So we were together for some time and I was sooo happy during that period! Than after a while, we broke up, because, even though he still liked me, he told me it'd be better to end that now than later, when it might hurt me more. I said it was fine and we stayed friends, because I couldn't live without him, at least talking to him. I cried a lot, but I knew I had to move on. In January, he went to his homeland and decided to leave his laptop there for some time until he's done with his exams, because he was addicted to Internet. We've not talked since January 1st and I've really been missing him so much... I know I shouldn't and I know he still feels something for me, but I don't want to make the same mistake twice, because, at the end, it'd still not work out. We'd love to meet each other in real life, but our countries aren't so close and flights are rather expensive. When we were playing a game, he was asked who he'd have sex with and he had a few options. He chose another guy and I felt quite hurt, because I loved having cybersex with him, but I let it go. He told me it was a paranoia moment and apologized that he hadn't chosen me (even though I told him I didn't care, which was, obviously, a lie), but I knew it was true. So yeah, here I am being sad, being crazy for someone I've never met and someone who maybe got over me. I don't know what to do. How can I get him out of my head?

 

[bruce379]

Try hooking up with a handsome guy for some hard pounding fucking. That usually resets the brain to move on. And I'm not saying this to be facetious. I'm serious.

I have a friend who is so picky and so delusional about a crush that he has with another friend of ours that he still fantasizes about just waiting for him and the sex in the future will make up for all his fantasies.

You have to move on. The sooner you have a good fucking, the better.

 

[Seasoned]

Some people live in their heads. There's no real justification for that unless a person is incarcerated or under some other type of confinement. The world is meant to be lived in, not just thought about. It's time to take some real world risks. Good luck to you!

 

[TX-Beau]

SO, I'm confused, have you ever met this guy?

 

[borg69unimatrix]

While seemingly innocent and harmless at first, internet crushes can turn into a crutch and an excuse to not make yourself get out there and focus on trying to develop more substantial, in the flesh relationships.

 

[altlover85]

I had an internet boyfriend and while it felt wonderful and amazing at the time, it wasn't anything near as wonderful as when I met my first boyfriend in real life. My rule with online chatting is meet after a month. Now, I understand that your situation is different, but I would still say that if you haven't met, then it really can't be an enduring love, unless it's put to the test by actually being around one another.

SO, I'm confused, have you ever met this guy in real life

From what I can tell, they've never actually met.

While seemingly innocent and harmless at first, internet crushes can turn into a crutch and an excuse to not make yourself get out there and focus on trying to develop more substantial, in the flesh relationships.

I agree.

 

[Rolyo85]

Yeah, I'll be the asshole again, so that the others can keep being diplomatic:

Internet "love" is creepy, fake and deeply self-harmful. It isn't real feelings, it's the AVOIDANCE of real feelings. Love is a complex emotion that arises from mutual respect, attraction and a multitude of other emotions, ALL of which only thrive in real, daily interaction in the real world.

Whatever you think you are experiencing, all you are doing is holding yourself back from experiences in the real world. It's perhaps time to ask yourself what is it about the real that scares you so much. Because once you answer that question, you'll also know what to do to get over this [deleted] crush.

 

[jukiluki]

Try hooking up with a handsome guy for some hard pounding fucking. That usually resets the brain to move on. And I'm not saying this to be facetious. I'm serious.

I have a friend who is so picky and so delusional about a crush that he has with another friend of ours that he still fantasizes about just waiting for him and the sex in the future will make up for all his fantasies.

You have to move on. The sooner you have a good fucking, the better.

I'm not that kind of person... I'd just feel worse.

Some people live in their heads. There's no real justification for that unless a person is incarcerated or under some other type of confinement. The world is meant to be lived in, not just thought about. It's time to take some real world risks. Good luck to you!

True... Dunno. Thanks.

SO, I'm confused, have you ever met this guy?

Unfortunately no.

While seemingly innocent and harmless at first, internet crushes can turn into a crutch and an excuse to not make yourself get out there and focus on trying to develop more substantial, in the flesh relationships.

I do go out, but I just don't seem to attract anyone, or no one seems to attract me. Except my Internet crush, obviously.

I had an internet boyfriend and while it felt wonderful and amazing at the time, it wasn't anything near as wonderful as when I met my first boyfriend in real life. My rule with online chatting is meet after a month. Now, I understand that your situation is different, but I would still say that if you haven't met, then it really can't be an enduring love, unless it's put to the test by actually being around one another.

I guess you're right... I'd love to meet him, but it's not the best idea at this time.
Thanks.

Yeah, I'll be the asshole again, so that the others can keep being diplomatic:

Internet "love" is creepy, fake and deeply self-harmful. It isn't real feelings, it's the AVOIDANCE of real feelings. Love is a complex emotion that arises from mutual respect, attraction and a multitude of other emotions, ALL of which only thrive in real, daily interaction in the real world.

Whatever you think you are experiencing, all you are doing is holding yourself back from experiences in the real world. It's perhaps time to ask yourself what is it about the real that scares you so much. Because once you answer that question, you'll also know what to do to get over this [deleted] crush.

But two people can meet on Internet, feel the attraction for each other, develop feelings, meet, and spend their lifetime together. The "internet love doesn't and cannot exist" attitude is just... illogical (to me, at least, especially because I know people who first talked over Internet for a long time before meeting each other).

 

[TX-Beau]

Sugar, no. Part of what makes an attraction IS the chemistry. What kind of "life" are you going to make with some pixels on a screen?


You've invented him in your head - no matter what you think he is, you just don't know until you know HIM. None of us are in real life exactly what other people think of us online - and that those of us who are actually honest, and we all know there are a lot of people out there who aren't.

You don't know this person, you've "fallen" for something you've invented for yourself, imagined it. Which as has been pointed out, is very easy to do on the net.

What's illogical, is telling yourself you love and know a person you've never met. Either meet this guy and roll the dice, or let it go.

 

[altlover85]

Here are my two of my general rules for internet dating.

1. Meet within a month.

2. Don't date some internationally unless one of you is going to move there. By this I mean, if he lives in a country that you were already planning on moving to, then fine. But if he lives somewhere and you had no plans of moving there before you met him, don't waste your time. I know someone who has been dating someone in China for years now, but this guy has no plans of moving to China and the bf doesn't have any plans to move to the US. This man is often lonely and could be fulfilled with a guy here in the states, but instead he's holding on to this guy in China and IMO, wasting time.

I guess you're right... I'd love to meet him, but it's not the best idea at this time.
Thanks.

You're welcome!

But two people can meet on Internet, feel the attraction for each other, develop feelings, meet, and spend their lifetime together. The "internet love doesn't and cannot exist" attitude is just... illogical (to me, at least, especially because I know people who first talked over Internet for a long time before meeting each other).

The thing is there is no such thing as internet love. It can only become love if you meet in person. So yes, internet love doesn't exist. The internet only provides a way for two people to meet and start to get to know one another. But at some point, sooner rather than later, you have to meet one another and really spend time together to figure out if everything you were feeling translates into an actual relationship.

 

[Rolyo85]

What the people above me said. There's no such thing as developing feelings for someone you've never interacted with in person. You can develop interest, but that's about it. Anything more is just you fantasizing about who that person is.

Take it or leave it. Nobody here will give you a different advice.