Is gay marriage everything it's cracked up to be?

[JakeBequette]

In my mind, it's the RIGHT to get married, not the greatness of marriage.​

 

[Andreus]

In my mind, it's the RIGHT to get married, not the greatness of marriage.​

exactly!!

many of us will choose not to marry and to do things as we always have, but to be intentionally denied the right is unnaceptable for the guys out there that have been in relationships for decades and will stay in them for decades but never get the right to be acnowledged as life partners in the eyes of their community.

 

[Endlight]

Im all for civil unions and gay couples getting the rights of a traditional marriage through an alternative name/method. Equal rights is the key here, not what you call it.

But honestly, in my heart, believe the word "marriage" should be left for a man and a woman. Theres just too much involved, religion, tradition, etc for gay couples to try and bend the definition.

-

I quite agreed with you Surfboy and for a long time I, also hoped for some other name for gay unions. But for the reasons you quote, religion, tradition, and what gays see as a union of two people, I started saying, "why should gays not have what gays regard as a marriage" and you know T'is but a word, yet if it means so much to gay people who regard their union as a marriage, I say, bring on the rice, confetti and marriage license. Just sentimental I guess".

 

[Auburn]

Being married or being a LTR is OVERRATED. People have to realize that just because you are in a marriage/LTR doesn't necessarily mean you will be happy. Alot of people who are married wish they were single (and vice-versa, but mostly the other way around)

I think alot of people have a "fairy-tale view" of marriage and Lube's thread is a great one and has brought up a lot of valid points. This thread has nothing to do with straight or gay, rather it is about thinking about all sides of relationships/marriage regardless of sexuality.

Its hard for gays to win the argument for same sex marriage because most of us argue for marriage for the financial benefits....and there is more to a marriage than that.

Marriage is an "institution" that is failing. Why are we so eager to be apart of that? (Outside of obvious reasons)

 

[Auburn]

I was married to a woman I loved very much and who is now deceased. I'm also well aware of the pros and cons associated with being married versus being single and/or gay! As many of you are aware, I'm now very much in love and in a committed gay relationship. I also believe I should have every right to marry Eric as I did my wife some 17 years ago. I have always made it clear that I support gay marriage and believe it is one aspect that can truly give us equality in a very homophobic society. I personally take issue with your statement Dan that many gays are not capable of sustaining a stable relationship, in the first place! Even if it was true, shouldn't it still be our choice to make and not some lopsided bureaucracy that views us more as freaks than equals. Supposedly half of all heterosexual marriages end in divorce, because of financial woes, infidelity, abuse, and many other reasons that can be directly related to instability in general. Couldn’t you also make the argument that many heterosexuals are not capable of sustaining a stable relationship as well? So, what’s the difference? It really all comes down to a matter of maturity on both sides, whether you’re straight or gay! Many marriages I have known in my lifetime usually result in unhappy relations anyway, even after several years of marriage, doesn't matter whether their gay or straight.

In his judicious exposition of the arguments for gay marriage, Bruce Bawer, who is a gay American literary critic and writer, states:

One can approve or disapprove of somebody's actions or
opinions, beliefs; but it is meaningless to speak of approving
or disapproving of another's innate characteristics. To
say that someone approves or disapproves of somebody's
homosexuality is like saying that one approves or disapproves
of somebody's baldness or tallness.

Why should the law view it any differently?



For me, this is the wrong question!!! Shouldn’t you be asking is marriage and only marriage everything it’s cracked up to be! I also recognize that marriage isn’t for everyone either! However, it should be a decision that’s freely made between two consenting adults without the bias of a bureaucratic majority who thinks they have a monopoly on what’s true or moral in our society.

Anyway, just my opinion!

Still love ya' Sixthson!!!

OMG! This is one of the best posts i have read on here in a long time! Robertac, you have a great point! Many hets are just as uncapable of having a stable, lasting relationship as gays are. Gay men are their own worse enemy,cause we buy into bullshit stereotypes like that which continue to bring us down

 

[GL]

I was married to a woman I loved very much and who is now deceased. I'm also well aware of the pros and cons associated with being married versus being single and/or gay! As many of you are aware, I'm now very much in love and in a committed gay relationship. I also believe I should have every right to marry Eric as I did my wife some 17 years ago. I have always made it clear that I support gay marriage and believe it is one aspect that can truly give us equality in a very homophobic society. I personally take issue with your statement Dan that many gays are not capable of sustaining a stable relationship, in the first place! Even if it was true, shouldn't it still be our choice to make and not some lopsided bureaucracy that views us more as freaks than equals. Supposedly half of all heterosexual marriages end in divorce, because of financial woes, infidelity, abuse, and many other reasons that can be directly related to instability in general. Couldn’t you also make the argument that many heterosexuals are not capable of sustaining a stable relationship as well? So, what’s the difference? It really all comes down to a matter of maturity on both sides, whether you’re straight or gay! Many marriages I have known in my lifetime usually result in unhappy relations anyway, even after several years of marriage, doesn't matter whether their gay or straight.

In his judicious exposition of the arguments for gay marriage, Bruce Bawer, who is a gay American literary critic and writer, states:

One can approve or disapprove of somebody's actions or
opinions, beliefs; but it is meaningless to speak of approving
or disapproving of another's innate characteristics. To
say that someone approves or disapproves of somebody's
homosexuality is like saying that one approves or disapproves
of somebody's baldness or tallness.

Why should the law view it any differently?



For me, this is the wrong question!!! Shouldn’t you be asking is marriage and only marriage everything it’s cracked up to be! I also recognize that marriage isn’t for everyone either! However, it should be a decision that’s freely made between two consenting adults without the bias of a bureaucratic majority who thinks they have a monopoly on what’s true or moral in our society.

Anyway, just my opinion!

Still love ya' Sixthson!!!

A brilliant and insightful argument. Well done.

 

[teh_nathan]

Marriage is about wanting to be with someone you love and commit to them for the rest of your life. You don't have to be legally married on paper, being married in your heart and mind is good enough.

That's it, that's all- regardless of a person's sexual orientation, it doesn't matter to me if I really loved them..so I don't see the big issue here.

sixthson and Endlight said it a lot better though.

So you meet someone you're interested in - get to know them for a while (not a few months, more like a year or two) before deciding if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. If you feel the same a year or two down the road, then good for you - what anyone thinks of your relationship shouldn't matter to you, you do what's right in your heart and mind.

So you don't have to call it marriage. Why quibble over semantics? Apples and oranges aren't the same but they're the same fruit. Call it a civil union, who cares what the name is- as long as "we" have the same rights - and that's all that should matter.

Two of my good friends (gay males) are married to each other and have been for two years. I'll always be envious of what they have, not specifically because it's a same-sex marriage, but because their relationship has lasted this long.

 

[M4P]

I've been in a loving committed relationship with another man for almost ten years and we'll have lived together nine years on December 18.

We discussed getting married when it was becoming legal in other Canadian provinces and weren't sure if it was something we wanted. We decided to bring up the topic again once it was finally legal in Alberta. Well, that day happened in July 2005.

Both of us support the right for gays and lesbiens to marry but have decided it isn't right for us. We made our commitment to eachother on a cold winter's night in 1997 and that is good enough for us. We've both witnessed too many straight couples treat marriage with such disregard we've decided, at this time, it's not something we want to be a part of. This is not to say we would discourage any other gay couple from getting married. We're proud to live in a country that supports progressive laws, tolerence, and equality for all of it's citizens.

 

[1gayguy]

Being married or being a LTR is OVERRATED. People have to realize that just because you are in a marriage/LTR doesn't necessarily mean you will be happy. Alot of people who are married wish they were single (and vice-versa, but mostly the other way around)

I think alot of people have a "fairy-tale view" of marriage and Lube's thread is a great one and has brought up a lot of valid points. This thread has nothing to do with straight or gay, rather it is about thinking about all sides of relationships/marriage regardless of sexuality.

Its hard for gays to win the argument for same sex marriage because most of us argue for marriage for the financial benefits....and there is more to a marriage than that.

Marriage is an "institution" that is failing. Why are we so eager to be apart of that? (Outside of obvious reasons)

Being in a commited relationship, whatever it's called, means work from both parties involved. There are days of great joy and excitement and days of grand dissapointment and sorrow. There are times of boredom and anxiety.
It's sharing your life and all it entails with someone who does the same back.
It's fulfilling and comforting and frustrating and confounding. It's the same things expierienced as a single person but now you get to go through it as two working together as one.
Putting aside the legal ramifications and stick to the emotional side for a bit. My partner and I have been together almost 11 years now, living together for almost 10. We have been through everything any other person regardless of sexual identity, can go through. Marriages of our children, births of grand children, deaths of parents and former spouses, financial windfall and famine, job promotions and losses, name it and we've probably gone through it...together.
Are we "happy" all the time? I'd be lieing if I said yes but at the same time tell me who is? We are content, we have companionship and still have passion.
On the legal side, our house is in both names as is one vehicle out of three. Our checking, savings and investment accounts are in both names. Utilities are also listed jointly as are insurance pollicies.
We are pretty much as "married" as we are going to be in the state of New Hampshire.
The one thing I have left out here so far is forgivness! One must be willing to forgive and not be rigid. One must be responsible to the other and their feelings. If I said we didn't lust after others, again I'd be lieing. We're human of we do. We come home to each other every night and make love when ever we want or need to. In nearly 11 years of partnership niether has ever denied the other the pleasure of our passion.
Is commitment dead? Not from where I sit. Should "marriage" be tossed because the wrong people commit to each other? No, I don't think so. They should learn from their mistakes , grow from them and move on.
Would I like to have an acual marriage? Yes, I think I would. I think we deserve it.

 

[GayBoi86]

I'm all for Gay Marriage. Babe and I have been together for 9 months now, and we have talked about getting joint checking accounts. We have 2 cars and we drive both of them. Our relationship is basically like we married already, he tells me everything and I tell him everything also.

Marriage isn't all about sex, kissing, holding hands, etc... those are needed factors in a marriage, but that's not what marriage is exactly. Marriage is when 2 people become 1 and everything evolves around them. You make decisions together, you talking things over and you work things out. The first fight does not mean you have to file for divorce. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, before you can trust someone you both have to earn each other's trust.

Who all agrees with what I typed above? I think I'm right, what do ya think?

 

[Andreus]

Gay marriage?

I'm all for it.

Why should straight people be the only miserable ones?

~Chris Rock~

 

[Auburn]

Being in a commited relationship, whatever it's called, means work from both parties involved. There are days of great joy and excitement and days of grand dissapointment and sorrow. There are times of boredom and anxiety.
It's sharing your life and all it entails with someone who does the same back.
It's fulfilling and comforting and frustrating and confounding. It's the same things expierienced as a single person but now you get to go through it as two working together as one.
Putting aside the legal ramifications and stick to the emotional side for a bit. My partner and I have been together almost 11 years now, living together for almost 10. We have been through everything any other person regardless of sexual identity, can go through. Marriages of our children, births of grand children, deaths of parents and former spouses, financial windfall and famine, job promotions and losses, name it and we've probably gone through it...together.
Are we "happy" all the time? I'd be lieing if I said yes but at the same time tell me who is? We are content, we have companionship and still have passion.
On the legal side, our house is in both names as is one vehicle out of three. Our checking, savings and investment accounts are in both names. Utilities are also listed jointly as are insurance pollicies.
We are pretty much as "married" as we are going to be in the state of New Hampshire.
The one thing I have left out here so far is forgivness! One must be willing to forgive and not be rigid. One must be responsible to the other and their feelings. If I said we didn't lust after others, again I'd be lieing. We're human of we do. We come home to each other every night and make love when ever we want or need to. In nearly 11 years of partnership niether has ever denied the other the pleasure of our passion.
Is commitment dead? Not from where I sit. Should "marriage" be tossed because the wrong people commit to each other? No, I don't think so. They should learn from their mistakes , grow from them and move on.
Would I like to have an acual marriage? Yes, I think I would. I think we deserve it.

Good Post! But what do you mean by the statement in the above quote that is bolded...

wow...you still have passion in your relationship after 10 years?

Your relationship is rare. I guess i just have this idea that most relationships are bad. Like you said, there are bad days and there are good....but for most people there are WAY more bad than good days.....at that point, you have to figure if every relationship is meant to last......

Congrats on 11 years with your partner

 

[1gayguy]

Should "marriage" be tossed because the wrong people commit to each other? No, I don't think so. They should learn from their mistakes , grow from them and move on.

But what do you mean by the statement in the above quote that is bolded...

What I mean is that some choose the wrong person to be with. FOr whatever reason.
Those that do should cut their losses and learn from the experience, and move on. Choose better the next time.
People make bad choices all the time. They pick the person with the fancy house and car, the nice clothesand the latest gadgets. Then they realize that the material goods wear out are soon replaced.
Or they pick the down home person with the great personality and looks to match only to find out after that this one has domestic violence issues
For what ever reason sometimes we pick the wrong person as our partner.

 

[frankfrank]

Comparing gay marriage and straight marriage, they are equal in the "Is it all it's cracked up to be?" equation, with one exception. Even in Massachsetts, a married gay couple is still not allowed to file Federal taxes jointly as a married straight couple can.

 

[mac_twck]

If we were all straight, the question wouldn't even be asked. How many straight people think about that stuff when they consider getting married?

Actually a lot of us do. One enters marriage with the belief that it is forever, but sometomes it is not. When I got married I thought it was forever, unfortunately my now ex did not feel the same way after 17 years of marriage. While divorce sucks the big one it did protect me from him just taking everything and just leaving.

I do believe that gay marriage should be legal and we should get rid of all this other crap (civil unions, common law marriage) if you want the same rights, such as insurance and socail security, the you should be able to get married, whether gay, straight, purple, green or whatever.

Marriage is not to be taken lightly and I wish I had the wisdom I do now when I was 24 and getting married. Would I do it again? Absolutely, the best came out of it, two wonderfully annoying teenagers that I would not trade for the world.