I just went through something quite similar to this. And he was cheating! First time, when I challenged him about his flirting and asked him to show me his texts and skype, he got aggravated and told me I had serious trust issues. He was always turning off his phone so that I could not check his texts. I managed to figure out how to check his texts and I got a confirmation that he has hooked up with someone. You should have seen him before...claiming he would never ever cheat on me.
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Is he cheating?
- Thread starter Rendro
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fallinlove
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That does not sound ok.
People have seriously lost all sense of what a relationship is these days.
Part of being in a relationship is making sure not to do things that would drive the other parter crazy.
People have seriously lost all sense of what a relationship is these days.
Part of being in a relationship is making sure not to do things that would drive the other parter crazy.
Rolyo85
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There is a measure of privacy that should always be there. You do NOT ask your bf to show you his texts, emails or anything of the sort. You either trust him, or you don't, and if you don't, there is no reason to stay with him in the first place. Of course, this is mostly an issue with YOU, and not him. People who got cheated on tend to expect their new bfs to constantly prove themselves to them, over and over again, and are never fully satisfied.
If I were in a relationship with someone and they asked to see my texts, I'd tell them to fuck off. I will tell you who I'm talking with IF I want to. I don't owe it to you, and the second you start thinking I do, we're over.
THAT said, the guy's behavior is not ok. You should sit him down, and have a calm conversation. Don't act like you've already been cheated on by him, don't accuse him. Just tell him this constant communication with those people is bothering you seriously, and you want to see if the two of you could come to a solution.
That's the problem with relationships - people EXPECT things, and ASSUME things instead of figuring them out in a dialogue.
If I were in a relationship with someone and they asked to see my texts, I'd tell them to fuck off. I will tell you who I'm talking with IF I want to. I don't owe it to you, and the second you start thinking I do, we're over.
THAT said, the guy's behavior is not ok. You should sit him down, and have a calm conversation. Don't act like you've already been cheated on by him, don't accuse him. Just tell him this constant communication with those people is bothering you seriously, and you want to see if the two of you could come to a solution.
That's the problem with relationships - people EXPECT things, and ASSUME things instead of figuring them out in a dialogue.
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There really is no difference in my estimation between being cheated on and constantly worrying about being cheated on even if it's not happening. Both take up too much mental energy and take a toll. No matter what he's doing it seems unhealthy for you to be with him. The "you have trust issues argument" probably goes back centuries.
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You're not crazy, but you can drive yourself crazy over this is you're not careful.
There's a decision you have to make here. How much does it bother you that your boyfriend is interacting with other men? It doesn't matter whether he's fucking them or not. What matters is that you're sharing him with other guys and at least some of that "sharing" sounds a lot like sex.
If this is a big deal to you then stop being a nag and put it out there. "You're talking with other guys. I don't like it because it makes me feel like you're cheating on me. You know what it feels like to be cheated on- well, that's how I feel."
If you want it to stop, then say, "I want you to stop chatting with these other guys".
But before you make a statement like that, you better consider the "What if" scenarios because he may chose them instead of you.
TX-Beau
FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE!
Just wanted to say that before we all rush to judgment, we only have one perspective here. Obviously the OP is bothered, and obviously that’s a problem. But that’s the extent of what we know for sure.
To the OP, you need to sit him down and in a non-accusatory manner talk about how you feel. DON’T play the jealous hausfrau. That never works. DON’T push him onto the defensive. As a matter of practical relationship building you’re better off creating an environment where he feels he can be honest with you without feeling pressured into it.
IF he loves you he will have a care for your feelings. If you push hard and start playing Sherlock Holmes, start keeping him under surveillance – you’re only going to damage yourself and push him away.
WE don’t know if he’s cheating, not a one of us, we can’t answer that question. There’s only one person who can. But think long and hard before you make that accusation.
Kara is right. This isn’t so much about him really; it’s about you and what you can put up with. If you are just going to live your life terrified and in angst over thinking he’s cheating on you – walk. It’s not worth it to live like that.
I’m not fan of ultimatums though, they tend to backfire, and if you’re at a place where you feel you have to lay one down, you’re just marking time until the end.
It's time to ask yourself why you're in this if it's making you this uneasy. You may find you have good reason to work it out, you may not, but you have to DISCUSS - not have drama - with him.
Whatever you do, figure out where you stand, and what you're going to say before you bring it up.
To the OP, you need to sit him down and in a non-accusatory manner talk about how you feel. DON’T play the jealous hausfrau. That never works. DON’T push him onto the defensive. As a matter of practical relationship building you’re better off creating an environment where he feels he can be honest with you without feeling pressured into it.
IF he loves you he will have a care for your feelings. If you push hard and start playing Sherlock Holmes, start keeping him under surveillance – you’re only going to damage yourself and push him away.
WE don’t know if he’s cheating, not a one of us, we can’t answer that question. There’s only one person who can. But think long and hard before you make that accusation.
Kara is right. This isn’t so much about him really; it’s about you and what you can put up with. If you are just going to live your life terrified and in angst over thinking he’s cheating on you – walk. It’s not worth it to live like that.
I’m not fan of ultimatums though, they tend to backfire, and if you’re at a place where you feel you have to lay one down, you’re just marking time until the end.
It's time to ask yourself why you're in this if it's making you this uneasy. You may find you have good reason to work it out, you may not, but you have to DISCUSS - not have drama - with him.
Whatever you do, figure out where you stand, and what you're going to say before you bring it up.