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Is he ready?

L

leNate

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My current boyfriend is 18 and still a virgin. I’m his first boyfriend and he only came out to himself last year. When we first started dating, back in December, I told him we wouldn’t do anything until he was ready.

Yesterday afternoon we were at my place making out. Things were getting really heavy so I told him I thought we should stop. He said he didn’t want to, so we didn’t. Then a few minutes later he pulls away and says “I’m ready.” It caught me completely off guard. I stopped everything and told him I didn’t think we should have sex because I don’t think that he is ready yet. He got really upset and told me that it wasn’t my place to say and that he wasn’t a kid, etc… Then he went home.

I don’t think that he is ready for a lot of reasons. 1) He just came out to his parents this month and they are taking it really hard. They’re upset and he is upset. I don’t want his ‘being ready’ to be about being angry with is parents and wanting to get back at them. 2) I don’t want him to do this just to make me happy, or to think that the longer we wait, the less interest I will have in him, or that I might leave. 3) Yesterday when he told me “I’m not a kid” it reminded me that he is young and maybe he should think about this more.

I told him to come back over Friday so that we can talk about everything, and that if after we talk, if I think he’s ready, that we can. That gives him time to think.

But how do I know if he is ready or not? And if we do have sex Friday, I am so unprepared for that. I’ve never been with a virgin. I’m not sure what to expect and I don’t want his first time to be something he regrets. I want it to be perfect for him.
 
How does one determine sexual readiness?

It's a pretty gray area, especially since he's young and inexperienced, and not just sexually. First times are awkward, there's no getting around that unless one is more experienced than the other, and even then it's still a rocky road if there isn't a certain comfort level.

With all the drama in his life right now, it seems like he's looking for something/someone to feel close to as means to escape. Which is fine but sex isn't the epitome of closeness. Sex would probably be a nice emotional anesthesia but it's not going to fix his problems.

If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Be the stronger person and don't allow him to do something he or you may regret.
 
He's 18. He's come out to himself and his parents. He says he's ready. So who are you to tell him he's not? Keep it up, and you'll be without a boyfriend. After all, you were a virgin once. Did your first sexual experience happen only because your partner made your decision for you?
 
He's ready when he says he is ready.

You better be careful because he may be ready to try it with someone else if you don't get it in gear.

Just do it. If I have a conversation about whether my boyfriend and I are going to have sex I'm probably going to lose all interest in doing it.
 
I'd say he is ready and it would be wonderful if his first time was with someone who loves him too.
 
I'd flip if someone said that to me. Talk about killing the mood. He says he's ready, he's ready. It's not like you should feel guilty about forcing him into anything. HE brought it up.
 
It's not your place to second guess his ability to know when he's ready. Just be caring and patient with him.
 
"Is HE ready?" Surly is up to HIM and he says he is, so why not? He is out and has accepted who he is. Go for it or he will be out looking for another who respects him enough to listen to what he wants, regardless of his age.
 
You're being manipulative. It doesn't bode well for a relationship...

In your profile status it says "open relationship". Care to elaborate how this fits in with 18 year old boyfriend?
 
I think you have the thread title wrong. It should read "Am I ready?" You seem to be the one with the hang ups. If he says he is ready who are you to second guess him? If you are uneasy with him being a virgin think back to when you were one and how you would like to have had your virginity taken. Remember sex doesn't have to be anal, that can be something to work towards. The most important thing is to communicate with each other.
 
Holy moly I didn't expect the above advice... Not gonna lie.

I think it's very caring that you are thinking about HIM. And I don't think a lot of the guys above me have stated that. It's not HIS choice at all, true but how can one call that manipulative of him if he is only looking out for his partner? IMO, I'd be flattered if someone cared enough to wait until I was REALLY ready to have sex instead of misinterperting feelings.

Now onto advice, I couldn't agree more with Philia. Maybe you should tell him what you told us. Relationships ARE about communication, so talking to him about it (while it might be a mood killer) would be a hell of a lot better than doing something that you both might regret later.

For some, that first time is a very emotional thing. From what you have told us, it seems as if some of those emotions are a little confused... But then again I could be misreading things.

This is a huge stepping stone and test in your relationship! I'd say, be open about it. Because if you don't then more problems will arise!

Good luck and tell how it goes on Friday!..|
I know I'm drying to find out!
 
I think everyone is right that it's not my say. I just don't want him to regret it later. I have an tendency to want to talk about everything in relationships instead of just letting things happen. So no talking friday, then. I think I am going to go with Aflute04 and Philia's advice.

As for us having an open relationship, that's what he wants.
 
jeez...if you did that to me, I'd just say fuck you. It would seem to immediately imply that you are overly controlling. How could you not go the whole distance when he wanted to? Are you nuts?

Stop trying to over-analyze and over talk everything....
 
Today was great.
He came over and I took him out to lunch. Then we drove down to the ocean and hung out for a few hours. When we got back to my house we took a bath. I gave him a massage to help him relax, but it put it him to sleep. While he was sleeping I lit a few candles then watched him sleep for a while before deciding to wake him up. He was sleeping on his stomach with nothing on so I just couldn't resist rimming him. It's not something I do a lot, but the sound he made when he woke up was worth it. After we had sex he told me he loved me for the first time. It meant a lot because I told him three months ago and he didn't say it back. We cuddled for a little while but then he had to leave. I wished I could have held him for the whole night, but his parents would have flipped if he didn't come home.
 
That sounds like a perfect night to me. It sounds like everything happened as it should happen. You two sound like you are in love. Good luck. Being in a relationship where you truly love and care for each other is a great thing. I hope it last and last for you.
 
That's awesome.

About the above advice, you didn't sound manipulative towards him at all. You hit the nail on the head when you said you didn't want his first experience to be one he regrets. That's admirable :)

And it all worked out in the end which is even better. Great stuff.
 
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