Is it common to...

[turnandburn]

Want to play around with a guy but want a relationship with a girl? I know it sounds super weird but I wouldnt mind at the moment messing around with some guys but ultimately i do want to get married (to a girl) and start a family. Is that uncommon/weird/dumb/etc or totally normal? I mean obviously if i were to mess around with a guy i would make it known that im not in it for the long haul so not to hurt anybody's feelings or anything....

 

[treanir]

Based on my own experiences and the many bi-bashing threads in Hot Topics, you're not unique in this at all. Quite a few bi/curious guys want to fuck men but date women (to say it bluntly). Two things here:

1. Be honest from the start that you're only looking for sex. You've already mentioned this, but it's trés importante that you do. Many of the aforementioned bi-bashing threads on this board come from one or more gay guys who fell in love with a bi/curious guy, only to be left for a woman later on. Honesty is incredibly important here. Make it perfectly clear that you're only looking for sex. Also, if you think the other guy is developing feelings, don't string him along. In short: be a responsible adult.

2. Linked to the above: be prepared for negative reactions from other guys. Your choice may not always be understood and you may encounter negativity because of it. Respect those opinions, but at the same time bear in mind that if no one gets hurt, there's no reason not to do it (personal opinion).

 

[HornyHenry]

I had a couple of bi buddies who were married with children but would cruise for bottoms to sow their extra wild oats in.
I have also pumped my wild oats into some bi guys who loved screwing their wives but they also loved to service us Tops.

 

[turnandburn]

Thats good to know. I didnt want to tell other guys that Im not really looking for anything longterm and have them be like "wow what a d-bag" and then hate rape me or something.....


sounds like a nice fantasy actually....

 

[hylas]

I wouldnt mind at the moment messing around with some guys but ultimately i do want to get married (to a girl) and start a family

its possible that thats how you tick; whatever makes you happy. but a couple of things:


- be honest with yourself. it could be internalized homophobia thats keeping you from emotionally opening up to guys. that would be unhealthy.

- its been said already: dont mislead your male hookups or fuck-buddies. be clear about your intentions.

- dont be a 'closet bisexual' who appearantly leads a 'normal' life and secretly, shamefully has gay sex on the sly. support lgbt equality, by voting for the right people and speaking up for it. ideally, be out to everybody. having gay sex isnt just about sweaty, steamy orgasms; it comes with social responsibilities. recognize them.

- dont assume that your man-cravings will just go away when you impregnate a woman. dont cheat on your spouse, and dont put yourself in a position where you know youre gonna end up cheating on your spouse.


the latter two points can easily be skirted by bisexuals, out of lazyness and fear. its much easier to appearantly live a heterosexual life and only 'let out the gay' if its about orgasms. but those are the guys who give bisexuals such a bad name amongst the community. dont be like that. be a part of our community and act like it; dont just use us as occasional cum-dumps.

 

[Echoes]

you can't have everything you want in life, can you?

 

[TX-Beau]

Denial.

it's not OK to marry a woman and fuck guys on the side - unless SHE gives you explicit permission.

We all wanted family and societal acceptance, and plenty of us dated women and pretended that's what we wanted. We told ourselves exactly what you just said.

But really, DENIAL. Straight guys, and hell, even the ones that are really BI (which is definitely not the same number as guys who call themselves BI,) don't get married just for the family. They get married to women they feel sexually and emotionally attracted to.

And all the closet cases in here pretending that's different do so because of denial.

 

[hylas]

^ i didnt want to be quite this harsh, but thats kind of what i was trying to hint at, too.

 

[Lube]

its possible that thats how you tick; whatever makes you happy. but a couple of things:


- be honest with yourself. it could be internalized homophobia thats keeping you from emotionally opening up to guys. that would be unhealthy.

- its been said already: dont mislead your male hookups or fuck-buddies. be clear about your intentions.

- dont be a 'closet bisexual' who appearantly leads a 'normal' life and secretly, shamefully has gay sex on the sly. support lgbt equality, by voting for the right people and speaking up for it. ideally, be out to everybody. having gay sex isnt just about sweaty, steamy orgasms; it comes with social responsibilities. recognize them.

- dont assume that your man-cravings will just go away when you impregnate a woman. dont cheat on your spouse, and dont put yourself in a position where you know youre gonna end up cheating on your spouse.


the latter two points can easily be skirted by bisexuals, out of lazyness and fear. its much easier to appearantly live a heterosexual life and only 'let out the gay' if its about orgasms. but those are the guys who give bisexuals such a bad name amongst the community. dont be like that. be a part of our community and act like it; dont just use us as occasional cum-dumps.

Denial.

it's not OK to marry a woman and fuck guys on the side - unless SHE gives you explicit permission.

We all wanted family and societal acceptance, and plenty of us dated women and pretended that's what we wanted. We told ourselves exactly what you just said.

But really, DENIAL. Straight guys, and hell, even the ones that are really BI (which is definitely not the same number as guys who call themselves BI,) don't get married just for the family. They get married to women they feel sexually and emotionally attracted to.

And all the closet cases in here pretending that's different do so because of denial.

Yeah, what they said.

And ask yourself these questions:

Why don't you want to settle down with a guy and have kids?

Why don't you want to have sex with your (future) wife?

 

[mbamike]

No, you are not weird at all. You are sexually attracted to guys and those attractions need to be explored, but you also want a family with kids.

Just take a look at a gay hookup site and you'll be surprised at the number of married guys (to women) looking to hookup with another guy. Who knows, may be you'll decide later to have a long term relationship with another guy and adopt kids like Neil Patrick Harris.

 

[js334433]

It's not weird at all. Just be open to the fact that you might meet a guy that you want to make a family with. I started out with the same feelings as you, but I opened up to the fact that I might end up in a happy relationship with a guy. Try to find a girl who will hopefully understand your situation. My current girlfriend does, and I give her some credit for helping me become comfortable bisexuality. By the way, are you at all interested in having sex with a girl?

 

[slnattak]

This is exactly why people are ambivalent and confused about 'gay marriage.' Marriage is based on love, and creation. Yet so many guys say 'oh I just like dudes for sex, I want a relationship with a girl.'

Don't be afraid to be emotional with a guy, don't be afraid to share your heart with another man. True love is exciting. Sex as good as it is flames out as soon as it comes in. Love is something to build upon.

If you can't treat men as anything better than a sex object, you don't deserve to talk about gay rights or whine about discrimination imo. You don't get to always get a 'cheer' or a pat on the back for your ID nature.

I'm not attacking you for your sex, or your ability to lust. That's just all human and natural. I am questioning where your values are at. And I know I'm right.