Is it easier to make FRIENDS when you're out of the closet?

[Lithium]

I can't really help you, since I'm not really out myself (only to about 5 people). I have some good friends, some of them know I'm gay, some of them don't. I can talk about my problems to some of them, and those are the ones I've come out to (I told them because I could talk to them about almost anything, it's not like we got closer because I told them) and others are just friends you have fun with.

Like you, I don't really bond with men. But I don't have that problem with girls. After a while they understand that I'm not interested in them, and we become friends...

anyway, I hope you get that group of close friends, it's something I really want too..
so, good luck...

 

[Alive and Free]

I would think so but I am still having a hard time with this one.

 

[jensu846]

I came out 4 years ago, am now 28, & my personal experience is that it has really helped me find good & close friends. the friends I had before I came out are now closer than ever. I understand what you mean about being fake with guys & conversation awkwardness, cuz i did that too, but now that I'm out, there is no pressure to have to "fake it".. i wish I had done it from the start.

 

[hurynwait2]

I'm still in there, but I like to think that I don't act straight, I appear that way.

 

[SFMusic]

It's never easy to make close friends. If you ever have more than 2-3 close frineds, I doubt that they are really close friends. As in most things in life, you don't need to tell everything about yourself (it's ok to keep some things back), but it's never ok to lie.

 

[luvthissite]

I am in the same boat as you. I have a few straight friends, no gay friends (still in the closet).

I think one close friend has a hunch I am gay cause I have never really had a girlfriend and we both kind mildly joke/imply about me being gay. i am not really into him. I think if I told him I was gay we would probably stay friends but our friendship would probably diminish at least a little. he is straight with a family.

Another close friend has no clue I am gay, and if I came out to him I think he probably would stop being my friend (he is homophonic). he is straight with a family.

I dont really have any girl friends.

I too wish I had one or more gay friends that I could relate to and share with them about being gay. the challenges, etc.

So sorry I cant offer any advice.

 

[Kulindahr]

When I came out, once word got around that I liked men... I suddenly didn't really have any friends. A lot of former "friends" walk by me on the street like I'm not even there.
So in a way, coming out can cost you friends. I say "in a way", because if that little bit of knowledge changes things so much, they're not the sort of friends a guy really wants, anyway.
But now any friends I make, I know are friends, because they know the whole deal and are kool with it.
Though I'm not very trusting as far as new friends goes; since coming out, I've dealt with a LOT of people who aren't interested in a person, but in "fresh meat", or some other way of using me. I'm pretty cynical now, I guess, but I still figure that I can have REAL friends now, since I'm not hiding anything.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Nope. Coming out is not a strategy to make friends. You may want to come out for a host of other reasons but this alone won't make you a popular dude with many friends.

I do not discuss my sexuality with people I know. They do not do that either. All my real friends know that I am gay and they are comfortable with it. I neither won nor lost a single friend, coz I am gay.

Friends are made over time. So, you either get there or you don't. Telling them about your sexuality the first time you meet won't make it any better.

People say that I have a very str8 appearance. So, I meet people just like everyone else does. Work, gym, clubs, social gatherings. If I met a dude, who is telling me about boobs, dicks, and the rest of his sexual life in his second sentence, I'd move on.

SC

 

[Soilwork]

Honestly, yes.

once you've dropped all the baggage and can let people see the real you, they're going to be attracted to your positive energy.

 

[megustamyn]

Honestly, yes.

once you've dropped all the baggage and can let people see the real you, they're going to be attracted to your positive energy.

I totally agree.

I also believe that sharing is an important part of friendship. If you are hiding who you choose to love and spend your life -- the most important part of your life -- then there is a big barrier in establishing and sustaining relationships with anyone, including those closest to you.

 

[Kulindahr]

This is true of many things in life, not just sexual orientation. I used to try to pretend interest in cars, because everyone in the lettermen's club talked about cars, but I finally got tired of it, and stopp faking it, and said what I really thought... and lo! and behold! all ofd a sudden people were easier with me -- I don't think "positive energy" has anything to do with it, it's just that they could tell I wasn't forcing myself to be something I wasn't.

 

[slobone]

Oddly enough, for me it didn't make much difference. I had two old friends who dropped me (one I came out to, the other figured it out on his own). But the rest of my friends are pretty much the same.

Now I can talk more freely with them, of course, but interestingly enough I find most straight people really aren't interested in the details of my gay life anyway. But at least I don't have to pretend.

There are lots of great reasons to come out, but in my experience it doesn't make much difference in how easy or hard it is to make friends.

Sex partners, on the other hand.... I can't tell you how many "bi curious" guys came out of the woodwork once word got out I was gay. But they're usually not that great for sex anyway.