Is live webcam cheating ?

[gaarylindesy]

I've been in a LDR for two years now. My partner lives in Asia, and after almost a year apart I finally went to visit him for three months this spring. The trip was amazing but one thing was made clear about our 15 year age difference, his sex drive is much lower than mine. He's happy with twice a month and I wish it could be twice a day! Anyways it got to the point that I was constantly having to beg for sex and constantly meet with the response " take care of it yourself". Needless to say this didn't do wonders for my self-esteem, I wasn't exactely feeling hot. Until one day I was changing at the gym and two of the hottest guys I'd ever seen drop their towels right in front of me and invite me to a threesome. Well I politely declined( using every ounce of self control in me) but it got me thinking, Im a 23 yo in his sexual prime ( not the akward geek I used to be ) should I really be having to beg for sex ?! Since then I got antsy in the relationship; he was and is my first and only sexual partner; but I want to explore sexually, I haven't acted on my desires though. Long story short I get back to America, where the time difference makes it almost impossible for us to talk live, and started my nightly porn routine to take the edge off. Except this night I found a live webcam website and, I figured it could be an innocent way of exploring my desires without really cheating. I signed on last night and watched a guy jack off as i chatted with him. I didn't show anything myself but just knowing that he wanted sex as much as I wanted it, was a huge turn on. The next morning though I started to feel guilty; At first I thought it was just another part of the okayed porn zone. . . but does the live part of live webcams make it cheating ? Should I tell him?

 

[KaraBulut]

If you and your partner agree that you can jackoff to webcams, then no, it is not cheating.

If the two of you don't agree, then it's a matter of conscience.

 

[ElmosToe]

Perhaps you should just end the LDR.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I agree with Elmo. IMO the webcam is a symptom, not the main problem. Perhaps you should reconsider the value of this LDR that doesn't sound like it's really working for you - if he's there or not you're in the same boat.

 

[bankside]

I've been in a LDR for two years now. My partner lives in Asia, and after almost a year apart I finally went to visit him for three months this spring. The trip was amazing but one thing was made clear about our 15 year age difference, his sex drive is much lower than mine. He's happy with twice a month and I wish it could be twice a day! Anyways it got to the point that I was constantly having to beg for sex and constantly meet with the response " take care of it yourself". Needless to say this didn't do wonders for my self-esteem, I wasn't exactely feeling hot. Until one day I was changing at the gym and two of the hottest guys I'd ever seen drop their towels right in front of me and invite me to a threesome. Well I politely declined( using every ounce of self control in me) but it got me thinking, Im a 23 yo in his sexual prime ( not the akward geek I used to be ) should I really be having to beg for sex ?! Since then I got antsy in the relationship; he was and is my first and only sexual partner; but I want to explore sexually, I haven't acted on my desires though. Long story short I get back to America, where the time difference makes it almost impossible for us to talk live, and started my nightly porn routine to take the edge off. Except this night I found a live webcam website and, I figured it could be an innocent way of exploring my desires without really cheating. I signed on last night and watched a guy jack off as i chatted with him. I didn't show anything myself but just knowing that he wanted sex as much as I wanted it, was a huge turn on. The next morning though I started to feel guilty; At first I thought it was just another part of the okayed porn zone. . . but does the live part of live webcams make it cheating ? Should I tell him?

I'm not sure that is the age difference. I'm older than your partner and my balls would explode and my brain would cave in if I was restricted to twice a month. I'd be happy with once a day but I could easily keep up with twice a day.

Even then there are times when my guy is horny but I'm just not in the mood to cum. It's impossible for people's moods to line up 100% of the time. But I don't send him away like he's being offensive just because he's horny. I want to watch. I want to smile and look into his eyes while he jacks off. I would never want him to feel his sexuality is a nuisance to me, and I get that respect in return.

I'm replying to that because I think it is the bigger issue in your relationship than whether you watched webcam porn.

In my view, it isn't really different from seeing a stripper at a gay club. Both my guy and I have seen someone take his clothes off whilst dancing to loud music and our relationship survived that particular form of entertainment But that's not what it is about. You logged in to that site not just for something entertaining, but partly because of feelings about your relationship that something isn't going the way you need it to go. And that is the issue you need to resolve with him.

 

[gaarylindesy]

thank you so much for such a beautiful and thoughtful reply! I feel so much better reading it because it was really on point ( i do feel dismissed as a nuissance for having a sex drive most times) and I feel really hopeful that taking your advice will lead to a better relationship down the line. thank you very much

 

[Seasoned]

All romantic relationship need a good flow of communication in order to be healthy. Every couple needs to discuss sex, sex drive and mutually acceptable sex practices together and alone. As a rule of thumb, if you think you're cheating, then you probably are, but, in this case, it's because it hasn't been discussed.

Have you guys thought about transitioning to a friendship given your distance and your very different sex drives? Frustration is not a part of a healthy relationship. Best wishes!

 

[aaggii]

Is he suffering from something or is it just low sex drive? If the latter, you are not sexually compatible. Ending the relationship is a too drastic move if you really love each other, so before that, why don´t you try and fix it? If he is not happy with his situation, he can search for help anytime and see if something can be done. Since you live so far away from each other, maybe until you get together for real, you could set some rules, having fun without or with the other knowing, for example. Don´t think too much about what is and what is not cheating, the definition changes from man to man. Make sure you are both happy with whatever decision you two make together.

Online relationships are different - even if we try not to see it - than real ones. Once you met someone IRL, things change, you start to see the bad stuff too. Keep in mind that if after 2 years online, you finally got together and didn´t do pretty much anything, it most probably won´t be different if you decide to live together, unless you come with a solution for it.

 

[Rolyo85]

The question here isn't whether live webcam is cheating, or not. The question is - would someone who actually cares about you, tell you to "take care of yourself" when you're at the point of begging for sex?