Is my idea of a relationship weird?

[Nice Boy]

Hi guys.

Is my idea of a relationship weird? Because I'd like to have a relationship with a guy which would first start like friendship and then something more including sex.

Is it weird? Cause as if I started to have a feeling that I'm not quite standard among gay guys in the sense that I'm quite hesitant to have sex with a guy way too early also because I'm afraid of STDs and I would feel like a whore a bit.

When I was discussing this with my ex, he told me it is better to have first some flirts and sex and then to have a "serious" relationship.

How does that sound to you? Any comments/opinions welcome

 

[Robbert]

If the other guy your dating with thinks it's no problem then it's okay

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Nice Boy,

In no way, building up a serious relationship with another guy is weird when you first start with friendship.

IMO, this is a very good way to test the water, to see if you share alot of common things, if you feel yourself comfortable when you spend alot of time talking with him, or drinking coffee with him, or whatever.

Does not mean that all people have the same idea about their ideal way of starting a relationship, and that other ways are wrong. So your ex (or other gays) might prefer to start a relationship with sex, but there is no rule at all that this is better / the only way / the preferred way, etc.

So take your time, and I hope you soon find a nice guy who also likes this way of dating / meeting each other etc.

Feel free to ask additional questions.

Best wishes, and I hope you have a nice weekend.

 

[G-Lexington]

Is it weird? No.
Is it unusual? Yes.

Lex

 

[Rolyo85]

Building up a relationship can happen in any way, and depends on the two people involved. Some times it can start with sex and be amazing, other times you may wait a month before you go anywhere near genitalia. The rule is not to make rules about it.

PS. Whores get paid. Having sex with people quickly doesn't make you a whore, it makes you someone who enjoys sex. Protecting yourself from STD happens by being smart and selective, not by abstinence. Please, people, get your prude heads out of your asses and let some dick in there. It's the 21 century, can we please not have Victorian morals anymore?

 

[Seasoned]

You set your rules and standards. If it's worth the wait will only be determined when the wait is over. My standards ought not influence you and yours not influence mine. At the same time, one's standards can change, but that ought to come from within, not without. I can't comment directly on your beliefs because I don't know how they were formed or how deepy you hold them.

 

[bankside]

Hi guys.

Is my idea of a relationship weird? Because I'd like to have a relationship with a guy which would first start like friendship and then something more including sex.

Is it weird? Cause as if I started to have a feeling that I'm not quite standard among gay guys in the sense that I'm quite hesitant to have sex with a guy way too early also because I'm afraid of STDs and I would feel like a whore a bit.

When I was discussing this with my ex, he told me it is better to have first some flirts and sex and then to have a "serious" relationship.

How does that sound to you? Any comments/opinions welcome

Is it weird? No.
Is it unusual? Only in the last 30 or 40 years.

I consider myself open about sex, I have a good sex life with my guy, and we knew each other for several months before we acted on our increasing desire. By that time, we knew enough about each other to like each other, and to know there was a greater possibility of a relationship worth exploring. And I enjoy liking the person I have sex with.

I have never understood the idea of fucking a stranger. I have especially never understood the idea of fucking a stranger and then moving on to the next one. If it's good, why move on? If it's bad, why bother in the first place? And if it has the potential to be a real relationship instead of a fling, waiting won't bother you in the long run.

My advice is to stick up for what you want. I did, and I'm very happy. And knowing my guy, how he thinks, how he reacts, what his history is, who his friends are, makes me much more comfortable about our health too.

 

[Nice Boy]

Great comments as always guys Thanks. Now some comments...

Is it weird? No.
Is it unusual? Only in the last 30 or 40 years.

I have never understood the idea of fucking a stranger. I have especially never understood the idea of fucking a stranger and then moving on to the next one. If it's good, why move on? If it's bad, why bother in the first place? And if it has the potential to be a real relationship instead of a fling, waiting won't bother you in the long run.

My advice is to stick up for what you want. I did, and I'm very happy. And knowing my guy, how he thinks, how he reacts, what his history is, who his friends are, makes me much more comfortable about our health too.

This! I completely agree with that. The thing is not that I would be reluctant to have sex way too early because of I don't know what but if someone demands sex from me too early (like during the first weeks) I start to be a bit suspicious about whether the guy wants me for sex only. Maybe I'm too distrustful but this does not apply to anyone...

But once I get to know the person better, I would not postpone it of no reason. Btw, when I had sex with my ex bf with whom I was more a friend with benefits, it felt good but it was nothing super extraordinary. Just sex, good but nothing extremely special.

 

[rareboy]

I think that the surprise among many guys is that there are so many young guys now that seem to want a romanticized version of a 1950's straight relationship.

I think that there is a period where you need to discover whether you have compatibility and this can happen in many different ways...including sex if you both just feel inclined to rip one another 's clothes off.

There are a lot of young guys though, that have so over romanticized their fantasy relationship that it renders them almost asexual, which, for those with fears of rejection or fear of performance, creates a nice safe place for them.

Don't be afraid to take some emotional risks.

At the end of the day, bear in mind that sometimes sex is just sex and that it is great to have this chaste relationship, but if you find yourselves sexually incompatible...it isn't likely going to be a satisfying relationship either.

 

[bankside]

1940s actually. My grandparents were married for over half a century and were still chasing each other around the house until they died within a few weeks of each other. I can't imagine either of their lives would have been preferable to them if they had spent their days in the arms of a parade of different lovers and only enough time with each other to have had my mom. They saw life through together. And I don't think that kind of relationship will ever stop inspiring people. I love the idea of carefree sexuality, and I don't think it is shameful if people don't want to wait for a lifelong relationship, or don't want one at all. I don't begrudge people a good orgy as long as they play safe. But for those who do want that kind of enduring connection with someone, at least for me, anything else felt like a waste of time. It was easy to say "no thanks."

It didn't stop my social life, it just stopped me from having a sex life I would've thought was pointless anyway. Eventually I met him. I realized I might actually have the right guy on my hands and suddenly we're14 years in.

 

[theplayerking]

Hi guys.

Is my idea of a relationship weird? Because I'd like to have a relationship with a guy which would first start like friendship and then something more including sex.

Is it weird? Cause as if I started to have a feeling that I'm not quite standard among gay guys in the sense that I'm quite hesitant to have sex with a guy way too early also because I'm afraid of STDs and I would feel like a whore a bit.

When I was discussing this with my ex, he told me it is better to have first some flirts and sex and then to have a "serious" relationship.

How does that sound to you? Any comments/opinions welcome

How long is the waiting period? I had a friend who insisted on monogamously dating a guy for a year before having sex. I thought it was a little extreme.

 

[72-Jay]

Is my idea of a relationship weird? Because I'd like to have a relationship with a guy which would first start like friendship and then something more including sex.

I don't know if its weird or not, but I feel very similar to this.

 

[Enduster]

Hi guys.

Is my idea of a relationship weird? Because I'd like to have a relationship with a guy which would first start like friendship and then something more including sex.

Is it weird? Cause as if I started to have a feeling that I'm not quite standard among gay guys in the sense that I'm quite hesitant to have sex with a guy way too early also because I'm afraid of STDs and I would feel like a whore a bit.

When I was discussing this with my ex, he told me it is better to have first some flirts and sex and then to have a "serious" relationship.

How does that sound to you? Any comments/opinions welcome

Ok, so how many days / weeks / months / years, do you think is ideal of being "friends" before having sex? Also, we're you raised or are currently quite religious?

 

[hylas]

i get the impression that your way is what is expected from straight people. the thing with us gays is that we all really do what we want, with little care about what is expected. if we did what is expected, wed be all closeted and 'straight', werent we?

which means gay men go about finding relationships in all kinds of ways, whatever works best for them. you should do the same, stick to what works for you.

that being said, im not sure whether fear (of std's) and shame ('feeling like a whore') are really the best reasons to do something a certain way. think more about what you want, not what youre afraid or ashamed of.

 

[Rolyo85]

i get the impression that your way is what is expected from straight people. the thing with us gays is that we all really do what we want, with little care about what is expected. if we did what is expected, wed be all closeted and 'straight', werent we?

which means gay men go about finding relationships in all kinds of ways, whatever works best for them. you should do the same, stick to what works for you.

that being said, im not sure whether fear (of std's) and shame ('feeling like a whore') are really the best reasons to do something a certain way. think more about what you want, not what youre afraid or ashamed of.

That Not a fan of fear and shame. Both can be negated by having a little more confidence in your own judgment.

 

[drunkenmoron]

I don't think it's weird to think like this, but I think once you get out there and start dating people it might not follow your plan anyway, just go with it... there isn't any need for a plan.

I felt the exact same way as this only a week ago, went on a date, did stuff with the guy on the same night. I regret some things but I don't regret that the 'relationship' didn't follow the route I thought I would've wanted it to. If you can't keep your hands off eachother, don't

 

[Nice Boy]

Yeah, thanks for the valuable input. Now I look on things differently and I should reconsider the rigidness about the way I think of relationships sometimes and I should follow what I want and how I feel it.

Thanks for the input

 

[Dastarr]

I don't think it's weird to think like this, but I think once you get out there and start dating people it might not follow your plan anyway, just go with it... there isn't any need for a plan.

I felt the exact same way as this only a week ago, went on a date, did stuff with the guy on the same night. I regret some things but I don't regret that the 'relationship' didn't follow the route I thought I would've wanted it to. If you can't keep your hands off eachother, don't

dragging up an older thread but this recently just happened to me. I think about relationships a lot like you Nice Boy, I feel weird about being open about sex too early, fear of maybe thats all the relationship will be based on and I wont get the romantic growth from him that I want if we jump straight to the sex, and I also have a slight std phobic nature, so I tend to avoid guys who seem like obvious sleep-arounds.

I also have never been in a relationship before, so I find myself having no idea how one is 'supposed' to start, only what I imagine it should be like in my own mind, and sometimes that leads me to jump to conclusions about 'are we boyfriends or not' way too early.

Hence last weekend if you see my thread on it, I started beating myself up over just making out with a guy on the first date that I might only end up seeing as a friend, and what that means, and how it fits in with my ideals I guess of how a relationship 'should' progress;
when in reality, I think it's just unease about it not happening how I think it would, if theres anything there in the first place, and scaring me because I dunno if thats what I really want or its just the fear that it feels 'weird' cause it deviates from what I thought should happen.

I guess you keep learning as you keep dating that it dosent always turn out to plan, but when it dosent that dosent necessarily mean it's the 'wrong' way, as much as we tear ourselves up inside about it because we don't feel like were in control of how it played out in our minds I guess.

 

[chrisw87]

^^ just go with the flow. Usually your instincts will be correct but you don't want to mess up the opportunity for something good with personal conflicts in your mind.

I am the same though, I prefer first dates to be somewhat of a meet and greet, get to know someone in person, how they react, watch their body language and try to relax and hit it off together basically.

The most I usually would do on a first date is the same as I offer anyone that I have chatted to for a while, the subtle touching that really hits it off in their brain but isn't overt and annoying. A kiss to end the night is possible but not a request, it all depends on how much chemistry there was.

All of my long term relationships in the past though have started out as friendships that have developed a chemistry, and from chemistry went a closer friendship and dating and then onwards.

I did once have a date where halfway through the person tried to french me and put their hands down my pants, not cool when it is a complete random.

So yeah I might be a 'somewhat prude' like the OP, but I like to have my intentions correct, if I am on a date with someone it's because I want to get to know them and feel some chemistry, not blow my load at the first chance.