Is suicide reasonable?

[Sigilist]

I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately and the various notions people spout about it by default, most commonly one being that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem which frames the whole thing as an unfortunate burst of pathology rather than an objective view of life and what can realistically be done with it.

This always seemed silly and dishonest to me.

If you're are not born rich there is very little you can actually do with your life. In my case I notice two main thrusts towards suicide:

1.Inability to sustain myself through exclusively online work(at least 400$ per month).
If you have to work for more than 6 hours a day you are not living but droning, you become a biological machine which provides a service, a tool to be used. It makes me infuriated, enraged and depressed, like I am being drained of all life and purpose.

2.Unstoppable aging(I'm already over the limit) towards decrepitude and inability to have any kind of relationship/intimacy with anyone(I never had one), since I am not attractive or funny or witty or wealthy I have absolutely nothing to offer so I basically felt like I've been in a solitary confinement all my life. This is additionally compounded by the fact that I’m gay.
Therefore even if the first issue was resolved I would still feel the same.

So as you see, there is nothing temporary about these problems and the clock keeps ticking. Am I just procrastinating the unpleasant act of suicide when in fact I should have done it a long time ago?

 

[Durango95]

OK I'll try this one. I've been down this road a time or two. I'm still around. I'll just request this of you. Please don't plan anything for right now. This may sound like a very Pollyanna attitude, but some times all that is needed is just a little more time. I think you may be misinterpreting the statement about the permanent solution to a temporary problem. The statement is meaning suicide automatically precludes any possibility for change or resolution.

It sounds like you feel like you're boxed in. I'm not spewing forth platitudes, but just about everyone goes through this from time to time. When you're in that place you feel tired and frustrated with everything including life. I've been there. No one likes living paycheck to paycheck. I've done it for a large portion of my life. No one likes getting older either. I complain about it at least half a dozen times a day.

I will ask this though. How is financial uncertainty and the certitude of aging compounded by being gay? It took me a long time to come to terms with my sexuality. It is different for everyone. Once I did, things settled down immeasurably for me.

I like being gay now. I like it even more because I finally understand that I don't have to be in the herd. I like being me. I honestly think gays have more of a propensity to herd than other "groups". I am free of those fetters.

No one else can be me. No one can tell me how to be me. No one else can be you. Nor is there anyone to tell you how to be you.

Heraclitus said many centuries ago that you cannot step into the same river twice. I have found this simple statement to be very true.

I does get better.

 

[Benvolio]

If you are working online at home you are missing the interest involved in working around others, making you work seem like drudgery. Is it feasible for you to find other work? How about volunteering somewhere? Do you have a pet? Many find the companionship of a pet to be very rewarding, and I think it might change your outlook. Have you consulted a physician about your depression?

 

[Sigilist]

How is financial uncertainty and the certitude of aging compounded by being gay? It took me a long time to come to terms with my sexuality.

My (homo)sexuality has always been completely useless, it's basically a celibacy because every guy I like is either straight or too handsome to be even remotely interested in me. I'm surprised I'm even sane at this point.

As for working the online thing is the only "sure" because of geography of where I am.

I don't know, I sorta feel like giving it one more shot for a year with full effort, learning some new skills, and if it doesn't work out in any meaningful way it's really time to stop pretending that my life has any point at all and that it's worth living.

But on the other hand if we are talking about unbreakable laws of reality here, like how the hell am I suppose to get a handsome guy when I have nothing to offer in looks or anything else, it feels like I'm just being a spineless coward and not doing what has to be done.

 

[Durango95]

My (homo)sexuality has always been completely useless, it's basically a celibacy because every guy I like is either straight or too handsome to be even remotely interested in me. I'm surprised I'm even sane at this point.

As for working the online thing is the only "sure" because of geography of where I am.

I don't know, I sorta feel like giving it one more shot for a year with full effort, learning some new skills, and if it doesn't work out in any meaningful way it's really time to stop pretending that my life has any point at all and that it's worth living.

But on the other hand if we are talking about unbreakable laws of reality here, like how the hell am I suppose to get a handsome guy when I have nothing to offer in looks or anything else, it feels like I'm just being a spineless coward and not doing what has to be done.

OK people are always hardest on themselves. So lighten up a bit. If you need work, like losing weight or something then put the time and effort in it. Here's a secret I will share with you. All those gorgeous guys that have beautiful bodies hate going to the gym as much as the fatty fat fatso fatty fat , you always see on the treadmill huffing and puffing. Yes they really do. O and they didn't look like they do prior to spending hours in the gym.

I know this sounds trite but I'm going to say it anyway. If you're in a hole, the first thing you should do is stop digging. Being in arrears financially is so draining and debilitating. I know how you feel with the statement about having the life sucked out of you. This too takes effort. Cut back where you can and increase income in whatever way you can. When I was in my thirties and had just suffered a major financial reversal, like losing everything, I had to start from scratch. I was sofa surfing and living off the kindness of the one friend I had left. I literally had nothing. My car was repossessed. My furniture had been seized along with everything in my apartment, including my clothes. I was a dope head and broke and had some pretty unsavory characters after me.

I'm not telling you this to get in a pissing contest on how bad things can be. I'm just saying it happens to more people than you know. The only thing I could do is put one foot in front of the other.

That is the only way out. I'll use this analogy because I think it applied to me definitely. When you're in a dark place and you really can't see, what do you do. You wave your arms in front of you and put one foot slowly in front of the other. You do that until you find a wall or anything as support. That is what I had to do. It doesn't even make any difference that you can't see the wall. Just having it there helps.

So figuratively stick out your hand and put one foot in front of the other and move.

 

[njcollegekid]

I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately and the various notions people spout about it by default, most commonly one being that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem which frames the whole thing as an unfortunate burst of pathology rather than an objective view of life and what can realistically be done with it.

This always seemed silly and dishonest to me.

If you're are not born rich there is very little you can actually do with your life. In my case I notice two main thrusts towards suicide:

1.Inability to sustain myself through exclusively online work(at least 400$ per month).
If you have to work for more than 6 hours a day you are not living but droning, you become a biological machine which provides a service, a tool to be used. It makes me infuriated, enraged and depressed, like I am being drained of all life and purpose.

2.Unstoppable aging(I'm already over the limit) towards decrepitude and inability to have any kind of relationship/intimacy with anyone(I never had one), since I am not attractive or funny or witty or wealthy I have absolutely nothing to offer so I basically felt like I've been in a solitary confinement all my life. This is additionally compounded by the fact that I’m gay.
Therefore even if the first issue was resolved I would still feel the same.

So as you see, there is nothing temporary about these problems and the clock keeps ticking. Am I just procrastinating the unpleasant act of suicide when in fact I should have done it a long time ago?

financial trouble doesnt necessarily have a large role in meeting people, except if you are hiring escorts in which case you do need the money. most people work over 6hrs a day - this includes most 'wealthy' people too. i have a doctor in my family, and she is at the hospital from 8am to 6pm and on-call (meaning taking calls from nurses about patients, taking calls from patients, and going back in in case of an emergency) 1/3 of the time. so to me, it sounds like the larger issue is not that you spend a lot of time working, but that you dont like your work. im in college, so i cant advise you on how to get a new job or career, but thats something you might want to look into.

i see a post of someone complaining they are too old to find a relationship on here every week. meaning you arent the only person feeling lonely and worried about getting old - so there is somebody in the same boat as you, you just gotta find em.

if you are seriously considering suicide, you feel like you have nothing left to lose, right? so why not try other things first? move to a new city, get a new job, go to some bars or clubs to try and meet someone. post a personals ad on okcupid. lots of other options which might actually make you happy, as opposed to killing yourself which will make you fertilizer.

 

[Sigilist]

Something very helpful happened today.
I was in the living room looking at old pictures on the shelf and on of them was my mom, sister and brother. I was not on it, because I did not exist yet. And in a moment of clarity, relief and understanding just washed over me.
There it was, so simple, everything put together.

 

[sixthson]

Care to share what clarity you experienced?

 

[Telstra]

Something very helpful happened today.
I was in the living room looking at old pictures on the shelf and on of them was my mom, sister and brother. I was not on it, because I did not exist yet. And in a moment of clarity, relief and understanding just washed over me.
There it was, so simple, everything put together.

I don't understand. Care to explain ?
And wondering how old are you? and are you physically disabled ?

 

[Durango95]

Something very helpful happened today.
I was in the living room looking at old pictures on the shelf and on of them was my mom, sister and brother. I was not on it, because I did not exist yet. And in a moment of clarity, relief and understanding just washed over me.
There it was, so simple, everything put together.

Are you having a why was I born moment? Or are you having a "it would have been better if I had never been born" moment? I understand. I honestly think most people on this forum understand that feeling.

 

[RaKroma]

Sigilist I empathize with your situation. It's good that you're reaching out to us here. I'm curious where are you from and how old are you? Do you have family or friends? One thing I want to add is by asking you, if you could find some solutions to your struggles now how will your outlook change? I urge you to contact this toll free number 800-273-8255 and just speak to a counselor about your problems. Give it a chance because they might give you helpful word of advice that can change your thinking about everything now.

 

[Seasoned]

One person's reason to have suicidal thoughts could be another person's motivation to accomplish something thus beating the odds. I think suicide is less about problems and more about someone's inability or refusal to gain an alternate perspective.

 

[Tony the Tiger]

Suicidal thoughts is a serious matter. I would suggest you seek a social worker or therapist in your area for help. Good luck

 

[cocksucker4use]

On Topic: Is suicide reasonable? In the US, about 40,000 people each year think so, and act on it. This doesn't include motor vehicle and other "equivocal" causes of death. Good luck!

 

[Manuel13]

There are times when depression sets in and I feel so numb to everything that life seems pointless. In those times, suicide seems reasonable - but I've held on, and I'm glad I did. Even though I didn't realize it or accept it then, there is light at the end of the tunnel and life will become worth living again. I would encourage you to seek out professional help in the meantime. If you can't do it for your own sake, do it for the sake of those who know you and care about you.

 

[guyfromNY]

Unless you are Hitler in the bunker with the Russians getting closer and closer, then no, suicide is not reasonable. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and is just not right...