Thanks for that. i dont think though i will ever get the urge to voluntarily tell people that i like men because i dont see it as anyones business. i do however hope to get to the point soon where i dont care if anyone finds out or if im asked ill be honest. but after thinking about it more and more, ill know ill never be to the point where i need to formally tell people. Its not a big part of my life, especially since im single and will stay that way for the time being, so its not something that needs announcing. i know everyone is different, this is just how i feel.
Lies of omission, lies of commission, the intent to deceive is the same.
OK, when you say this:
"...Its not a big part of my life..." You're lying to yourself. In fact it's a huge part of your life, that you spend a great deal of time hiding and avoiding. I'm quite sure that the amount of time you spend dealing with the consequences of your sexuality is actually larger than if you were out. It's always the case.
The other thing is, you're trying to distance yourself from your sexuality, trying to be a straight guy who just happens to like cock, and that's nothing really, just an inconsequential nothing that really has nothing to do with anything.
Which is also a lie you're telling yourself. It tells us you aren't comfortable with yourself, and who you are. There is a difference between admitting you like guys and accepting it.
In fact, our sexuality is a huge part of all of our lives. It defines us, drives us, affects how we are perceived and how we treat and perceive others - it permeates our culture, people's sexuality is everywhere you look, in just about everything you come into contact with.
And people who are not ashamed of their sexuality, have no problem whatsoever telling people not only what it might be, but explicitly who they happen to be fucking at any given moment.
Every time you get introduced to someone's girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband, see pictures of their lives and families - listen to your buddies talk smack at the pool hall, hell see parents at the school picking up thier kids, that's people PUBLICLY announcing thier sexuality
and explicitly who they're fucking. No shame, no disclaimer, no statements of how it's no one's business, no minimizing how it's not a big part of life. It's not private, it's not inconsequential and it never has been, it's always been unabashedly public and hugely a part of life. These things are pretty fucking obvious.
The only reason you would say otherwise is because
you have problems with
you.
And that's fine, you'll move as fast as you will. But trust me on this, you'll move faster if you stop lying to yourself.
I have no doubt you aren't going to listen to anyone of us, and your justifications will defend themselves in your mind, you'll get offended, insist we don't know you, get upset, and probably ultimately dismiss all of this - that's OK too, you won't go faster than you will.
But consider this, if you won't come out for you, you won't come out for someone else, and that's just life. If you can't find the courage to do this for yourself, no one will push you into it.
In the end, we
always come out for ourselves - or we don't come out at all; and you're stuck in a feedback loop - you won't come out unless you're in a relationship, but no one knows you're gay. Catch 22.
You won't get a guy unless you tell
someone, and then it's likely he won't date you unless you tell
other people. Which pretty much tells you that you're making excuses for not coming out, which brings us back to you having a problem with you.
As has been said, most of us have been there, and time and circumstance change, but you'll go faster, if you accept the truth that it does matter and it is other people's business.
