Is There a Way to Become More Sexual/Slutty/Whatever?

[G-Lexington]

Why do you see it as a flaw? Do you really and truly WANT to be slutty, or is it just a case of "green grass' syndrome, where you feel the other side has it better? As I've said, I've been monogamous all my life, and haven't ever regretted it.

Lex

 

[Lube]

Well, you can't really make yourself slutty.

Do you really want to sleep with other guys, or it just an expectation?

If you really want to do it, but are just shy or afraid, there are ways around that. If you just want to do it because you are "supposed" to--well, skip it and just wait for the right guy.

 

[Corny]

Get drunk, go to a hookup site (or craiglist), post your nude pics, offer to do anything. Watch the messages flooding coming in, reply with your home address.

It can be that "easy".
The aftermath is not (and potentially lethal). You choose what you want to be.

 

[Lube]

Please, tell me these "ways around" it.

Get drunk, go to a hookup site (or craiglist), post your nude pics, offer to do anything. Watch the messages flooding coming in, reply with your home address.

It can be that "easy".
The aftermath is not (and potentially lethal). You choose what you want to be.

As Corny pointed out, that's not the way to do it.

Everyone is different and has different levels of comfort with new/unexplored situations.

I'm monogamous now, but before I met my bf I played around (I found that dating isn't very common in the gay community, lol). I tried and tried, but quickly realized I'm not the kind of guy who can just see someone at the airport, make eye contact, and ditch into the family restroom and have sex. I need an emotional connection (even a tiny fragment of one) before I like to have sex.

What worked for me was finding a hookup site that required face pics. I found that the people there tend to be much more rational than the drivel on gay.com and other hookup sites that don't require a face pic. Chat them up and at least get to know them a little bit. For me, after I got good at telling the fakes and flakes from the good guys, that's about all I needed. For you, you might want to meet them in person in a café or something before agreeing to do something.

Like I said, it all depends on your level of comfort with new things. It's often easier to chat up someone online than it is in real life, thus overcoming any shyness and making the start of some emotional connection. There's less fear of rejection online.

 

[Lube]

You're welcome, Abs.

 

[crubbed]

I think you guys misconstrued what the original poster meant. I think that the problem for some of us is that we are not very sexual people. It does not mean that we are not sluts and we want to be. Maybe we actually are in the bedroom. Some of us just don't have a sexual drive, any sexual energy about them you know (because they grew up in a certain way, or whatever). How do you manage to develop it?

 

[Lube]

^ If you don't have any sexual energy, I doubt it's because of the way you grew up.

Either you're afraid of sex, or you have (natural or unnatural) low levels of testosterone or something.

 

[crubbed]

Yeah, it must be related to a low testosterone level.

 

[rareboy]

Hit the bathhouses and let yourself go.

 

[saymyname]

Monogamy is extremely limiting and an extension of the patriarchal and bourgeois idea that it is okay to POSSESS another person and control their actions.

Read this book, for starters:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut

 

[TX-Beau]

There’s nothing wrong with promiscuity. Now if you come from some repressive social situation that tries to control the sex drive – for reasons that are another thread – you might have hang-ups about promiscuity; but really, there’s so much promiscuity going on all over the place at every point in history that I don’t believe that humans are instinctually or even habitually monogamous.

I think that human nature is more inherently promiscuous than not, hence all those cultural attempts at social repression to control it. If we as a species were innately monogamous there would be no need for any of that.

That said, we all have to deal with the attitudes we grew up with. If you can do promiscuity, go for it, if you aren’t in a headspace where you can handle the sex without the fairytale, don’t. If you're doing it for the wrong reasons - i.e. you only derive a sense of worth from men wanting to fuck you, don't.

I have a problem with the word slutty if it represents a value judgment against the person being called a slut.

Don't get me wrong, I love slutty demanding bottoms, especially ones who know what they want and want it now dammit, but then I don't associate that with the inherent worth of the person I'm with. It's actually a plus in my book. I like guys who know what they want, and aren't afraid to ask for it.

But there is a distinction.

So what exactly do you mean by slutty?

 

[TX-Beau]

I think you guys misconstrued what the original poster meant. I think that the problem for some of us is that we are not very sexual people. It does not mean that we are not sluts and we want to be. Maybe we actually are in the bedroom. Some of us just don't have a sexual drive, any sexual energy about them you know (because they grew up in a certain way, or whatever). How do you manage to develop it?

If you don't have a sexual drive because you grew up in "a certain way," that screams repression. It's not that you don't have a sexual drive, you've just been taught it's wrong and your repressing the fuck out of it. How do you change that? Therapy probably, you have to stop believing that sex of whatever kind is wrong or bad.

If you don't have a sexual drive for some physical reason, maybe that's just how you are, maybe you need a doctor.