is there such thing as 'love' for gays?

[iamthesean]

I've ranted way too many times about breakups on this forum...probably because the only time I ever come on here is when i'm just broken up and looking for something to do to keep my mind off the guy.

I'm just curious, is there such thing as gay love?

I only have my own experience, and those that I've seen around me, and thus far, I'm not convinced. I thought i was in love with my first bf (i think most do), and i just got sick of him, and had to leave. my second one was a lot like me, and i thought we could be something special, but we just ended up in very hot and cold patterns and didn't pan out.
after that, i dated a guy i thought was hot, and seemed really interested, we held hands all the time, and spent TONS of time together, sex was amazing, but he was dumb as hell, and decided to just end it (apparently to move back to his last bf who could take care of him better financially)...and even then, i still felt like i've loved and lost. after that was my longest.

3 years...he was so in love, i wasn't ready to love again. i was his first. first everything. He did SO much for me...always tried to surprise me, roses on valentines day (that didn't go well...i was playing video games, and don't like flowers...and hate valentines day..) we both said we loved eachother all the time, and even planned out a future together, got pets together...but that didn't last...we would be horrible to eachother too, we've both cheated on eachother, done a 3-some, AND a 4-some, he broke my nose, put me down, and screwed up a couple of my friendships. Yet I 'loved' him.

and my relationship which JUST ended...almost a year, and we went through our hardships, had tons in common, got along like a couple of 8 year old boys, watching caartoons, building forts, playing video games...yet even at the beginning, neither of us expected it to go anywhere, or much from it...

Now, I feel like I'm getting a little older (24), and although i know that's young, i've been partying (clubbing, raves, bars) since my 13th birthday, and dating (girls...and now guys) since 14...I don't want to 'date around' anymore...i want to find real love...and i'm so unconvinced that i'll even find anything better than my 3 year relationship that i'm seriously considering going back...or seriously wanting that back

I'm just putting this out there, but if any of you can tell me that true love really exists, maybe give an example of it from your own experiences, i would LOVE to hear it.

 

[Invidious]

Well, I can't give examples but keep looking..because there are certainly WORSE ways to live life than looking for love.

 

[COACHMN]

I was going to send you a PM, then thought that your question is so common and my response may be helpful to others.

The answer, in my personal experience, is a Loud YES!!!!! Gay Love is not only possible but alive and thriving.

My partner (Jayhew) and I are very much in love with each other and the life we live together. We have a healthy giving and taking of life as it comes while being able to maintain our seperate individualities with full respect and dignity.

Both of us come from previous long term relationships so we have the benefit of years of experience. That certainly gives us the awareness of what we want and expect. But, the thing is, Love is blind to all that; at least during the initial fireworks phase. When the bloom comes off, Love can wilt or continue to flourish and grow.

We are flourishing and growing and so is our love for each other and we have together. It does take some work to help make that possible though. We both believe the single most important thing is honest, open communication about everything. Talking about the things we don't want to talk about has proven to be the most rewarding. The work part is doing that communication in a way that ensures each of us gets to be heard completely without any arguments. Disagreement is sometimes present and we have learned to agree to disagree, at least for the time being.

Each and every day is an adventure, not so much in the challenges and delights of life in Rural Alaska but rather realizing how we face all those seperately and together. How we can laugh at our foibles and successes together. We can celebrate our successes. In all that we do as a couple we have the love that gives the gift of support and care for our individual needs while enriching our experience together.

There is so much more I could say but I have tried to share the essence of the answer -- Love for Gays is most Grand

 

[rareboy]

Oh mon cher...of course there is. It isn't like the Easter Bunny or Santa; it really does exist. I've had two great loves in my life the second one and I have spent 25 years together this year. The first is still our best friend.

It is as profound and passionate as any other kind of love and often comes with a bit of maturity.

Often people try to substitute other things for love, thinking for instsnce, that everytime they are in a relationship, it must be love. What is love like?

At the beginning it is wanting to be inside the other person every minute; yearning for them when you're apart and feeling anticpation for when you're together again.

As it matures, it is putting them before you in all things and because they are also in love they will do the same to the point where you both finally understand that you'd even die for the other.

It is overlooking all the petty hurts and disagreements as you live together, but not being afraid to have a disagreement over an issue because you know your love is stronger than your opinions.

It is working together to achieve a dream, whether it be a company, a home, travel, academinc achievement, adopting a child or a dog.

It is looking like shit and knowing the other person doesn't care.

It is being able to sit quietly in the other's company as the years go by and knowing that you are still communicating your thoughts.

It is eventually finishing the other's sentences or saying the same thing at the same moment.

It is being able to comment on how totally fuckable the plumber or the next door neighbour is without assuming it reflects on your own relationship.

It is about not being jealous of your partner's family, friends, exes, pets, job ad infinitum.

It is about feeling the pain worse than the other when something goes wrong.

Eventually, it is being glad and totally sad at the same time that you will be the one to be there when the other dies and thinking that you can't even imagine going on without them.

You can have all of this.

 

[iamthesean]

:S

rareboy, all of those things sound wonderful...it sounds like my problem is moreso that I sometimes feel that when my partner doesn't. The last relationship I was in, was very much like that for a little while...actualyl right before we broke up...except i brought up an issue (one that has plagued us for a while...but was dropped for a while), and he decided that despite us loving eachother, despite feeling like that...because he said he loved me, and acted that way...that he never saw this relationship lasting, and doesn't think it is worth it

but thank you all, you are giving me hope. I won't give up yet...just not very enthused...i really hate the dating scene, and having to sift through all the guys who just pretend to be something they're not to get with me.

 

[rareboy]

Never ever give up. If you are as able and willing to commit to love and a relationship the way you describe, you will find your soulmate...probably one day, just by accident. Just be receptive.

 

[G-Lexington]

If there isn't, my boyfriend and I are faking it REALLY well.

Lex

 

[megustamyn]

I loved Coachmn's reply. His case is not unique or even unusual in my experience. My husband and I have been together 10 years and we know dozens of gay couples, male couples and females, most of whom have been together longer than we have.

 

[Danugh]

There is no love.

I've found that with gays, its ALL about sex and meeting someone new to have more sex.

The novelty wears off fast and then its onto the next man.

If you want a lasting gay relationship it would have to be an open relationship.

 

[G-Lexington]

...so a bunch of us DO think we're in love. But you haven't, so we're...what? Deluding ourselves? Settling? What?

Lex

 

[pkacrotjs]

Yes, there is.

 

[iamthesean]

it's nice to know there are differing opinions.

you guys are all lucky to have found such loving partners (those that did) especially soulmates..
my ex of 3 years once said that, while our souls may be intertwined, we are not soulmates, and that he doesn't think we get them...because we are not the same as other people....soul wise. He made a good point too, like I don't feel like i have 'my other half' out there, or like i'm like ANYONE...including my own family...and that is not just suggesting i may be unique, everyone is...but i've still felt 'different' on top of that

who knows.

 

[G-Lexington]

I really dislike the idea of "soulmate". It suggests that there is one - and ONLY one - person out there that you will somehow mesh perfectly with. And if you attempt a relationship with someone else, you're forcing yourself into a life that isn't quite complete, since the REAL person you're supposed to be with is still out there somewhere.

Bullshit.

People are people, not jigsaw puzzle pieces. There isn't ONE person out there you can form a relationship with. There are actually many.

Yes, it'll be easier with some than with others.
Yes, the relationship with be deeper with some than it would be with others.
Yes, you'll be happier with some than you would be with others.

But the sad fact is that ALL relationships take work. Some take more work than others, depending on how well suited you are. But if you go through life looking for that 100% match, you'll miss out on a lot of 99.9s. Ones you might be extremely happy with, and could live for the rest of your life with.

"I once was looking for the perfect man. Now I'm just looking for a guy whose baggage goes with mine."

Lex

 

[degrandm]

I was going to send you a PM, then thought that your question is so common and my response may be helpful to others.

The answer, in my personal experience, is a Loud YES!!!!! Gay Love is not only possible but alive and thriving.

My partner (Jayhew) and I are very much in love with each other and the life we live together. We have a healthy giving and taking of life as it comes while being able to maintain our seperate individualities with full respect and dignity.

Both of us come from previous long term relationships so we have the benefit of years of experience. That certainly gives us the awareness of what we want and expect. But, the thing is, Love is blind to all that; at least during the initial fireworks phase. When the bloom comes off, Love can wilt or continue to flourish and grow.

We are flourishing and growing and so is our love for each other and we have together. It does take some work to help make that possible though. We both believe the single most important thing is honest, open communication about everything. Talking about the things we don't want to talk about has proven to be the most rewarding. The work part is doing that communication in a way that ensures each of us gets to be heard completely without any arguments. Disagreement is sometimes present and we have learned to agree to disagree, at least for the time being.

Each and every day is an adventure, not so much in the challenges and delights of life in Rural Alaska but rather realizing how we face all those seperately and together. How we can laugh at our foibles and successes together. We can celebrate our successes. In all that we do as a couple we have the love that gives the gift of support and care for our individual needs while enriching our experience together.

There is so much more I could say but I have tried to share the essence of the answer -- Love for Gays is most Grand

i have to agree mi first lover and i were to gather for 8yr and we had our good and bad time moor good but aids took him from me then my 2 one it lasted 2yr and i thought that we where in love at first then the bottle was moor important then me but i know that there is a great love out there

 

[Kyanimal]

In the Spring of 1982, I was introduced to this guy named Kevin, through a friend of a friend. At the time, Kevin was working as a bartender, well known, and well liked, all around town. He was living with someone, not just a roommate.

"The Group" would get together for brunches, dinners, etc., at our various places, and, of course, party like mad on the bar circuit, including the one Kevin worked at.

There is alot more to the story. But, I think, by August of that year, Kevin was "single". "The Group" was out partying. Kevin was off work, and out with us. It came to closing time.

I murmered to a friend that I'd love to take Kevin home with me. My friend encouraged me to speak up, and, I was just drunk enough to actually ask Kevin. To my utter surprise, he said, "Sure!" I figured it must have been because he was fairly buzzed, too! I was convinced that otherwise, I didn't have a chance! But, Heck!, even if it would be just one night ...

We've been together ever since! We don't have an exact anniversary date, because neither of us knew what we were starting! So, sometime this August, we think, will mark 25yr. together!

And, no, it hasn't all been champaign and roses! Like ALL couples, we've had our ups, and downs, good times, and terrible times. But, as much as I might think I hate him sometimes, I truly do Love "My" Kev to pieces!! And, for reasons I do not fully fathom, he still seems to like me a little bit, too!

So ... "Yes!, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus!" Who knew??! It CAN happen!

Will it "Happen" for You? I don't know! But, I certainly hope it does! And, when it does, You will certainly Know! No doubts! No questions! No second guessing! No just settling! It will simply BE!

I am wishing You ALL the Very Best!!

And ... of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[BrandonSBCA]

Yeah pretty much, because if there wasn't I would still be single.

 

[gideon]

I have told heaps of of my younger friends, both agy and straight, that 24 to 29 is the hardest time in life. You have too many options and too many opportunities to focus on any one of them. Weather its guys or girls they will all leave you wanting and/or needing something.

 

[jackrabbit]

Rareboy - you said it VERY well. That totally describes how I feel about my partner. This is most definitely true love. It is amazing to see how as we progress in our relationship, everything continues to click into place more and more perfectly.
I am always embarrassed to say that we have only been together for 4 months, but considering we haven't spent more than 2 days apart feel like it is infinitely more than that time. We moved in together after 2 months, which so many people said we shouldn't do, but it has been even more perfect. He has even voluntarily decided to move across the country with me as I continue to pursue my academic dreams. That is true love. True love also takes the form of each of us sacrificing so much for the other in the name of love. It is hard, sometimes, to express how I feel about my partner, but I knew after the first date that I would be with him for the rest of our lives.
We are now planning for our move next summer and are planning and dreaming about the two girls we want to adopt and the house we want to buy.
There is true love, there really is. It is just one of those things you can't actively seek out - don't force it. I gave up for awhile, as did my partner, and we found each other on a whim. Neither of us had been seeking it out.

Good luck and be strong!

 

[radames]

Yes, I firmly believe there is. I found my love 25 years ago--and it just gets better ALL the time. He is on JUB, too, but he "talks" more than I do!! 20 happy, smilie faces. I tried to include one for each year, but I was told to use no more than 20!

 

[iamthesean]

here i am, over a year later...and still searching.

lame lame lame.