Is this a relationship?

[7-inch]

So, I was on one of the dating websites and I met this guy who's a perfect match for me in terms of body stats and he's so handsome and everything. It's been about 2 weeks since we met, and I'm already having serious feelings about being in a relationship with him.

We have never "cammed" or had "dirty" phone calls, which is what I used to do with most of the people I met, since that's almost what everyone else is looking to do on these kind of websites.

I told him that I'm interested in him and he said that so he is, and we're planning on meeting and everything (since he lives in another country). But some times I get those vibes that I'm being too pushy or that I'm taking large steps towards this so called relationship of ours.

It is actually my very first gay relationship, as I have been bisexual all my life, but I found out that it was just because of the restrictions where I live that I thought I had a preference for girls, but turns out it's not right.

So my question is: am I being too hasty? And if so what should I do about it? I really can't stand the fact that I could lose him to anyone!
Also is it even a thing that people can meet online on a gay dating website and then start a relationship? Because I sometimes think that the fact that we met there is what puts him off. I believe I'm overthinking this and that's why I came here for advice, as I literally don't have any one else with whom I can discuss this, given where I live.

Sorry for the long post, and I hope someone will help.

 

[KaraBulut]

Is this a relationship?

Well, it may be. Someday. You have to meet and spend some time together before you know.

So my question is: am I being too hasty? And if so what should I do about it? I really can't stand the fact that I could lose him to anyone!

The question in these situations is whether your enthusiasm is creating something that you want to happen or whether it's the real deal.

At this point- 2 weeks in- and considering that you are new to this and considering that this is someone that you haven't really met, dated or spent in-person time with, it is something that exists only in your hopes and dreams.

Relationships are something that are built; they don't just get created because you hope for them.

Slow things down. Do whatever it takes to meet and get to know each other. Then talk about a relationship.

 

[7-inch]

The question in these situations is whether your enthusiasm is creating something that you want to happen or whether it's the real deal.

At this point- 2 weeks in- and considering that you are new to this and considering that this is someone that you haven't really met, dated or spent in-person time with, it is something that exists only in your hopes and dreams.

Relationships are something that are built; they don't just get created because you hope for them.

Slow things down. Do whatever it takes to meet and get to know each other. Then talk about a relationship.

Thanks for being straightforward about it. I know that any relationship can't just start out of the blue or in a couple of days, but I have never had this urge to be in one before.

I forgot to mention that he brought this relationship subject before, and he pointed out that it has only been days since we met. At this point, I felt that we might be having something special. But as you said, it's better to slow it down rather than building on false hopes and ending up disappointing myself.

We're in frequent contact throughout the day, and we should be able to meet in like 3 months or something. My only fear was that he might get to meet someone (in real life) who would snatch him from me.

 

[KaraBulut]

... we should be able to meet in like 3 months or something. My only fear was that he might get to meet someone (in real life) who would snatch him from me.

If he were to meet someone in real life, that would be evidence that it's not as serious as you both thought it might be.

On the other hand, 3 months from now if you both feel the same way, then that's also a sign that there may be the possibility of a future there.

 

[Seasoned]

I like the way KaraBulut put it. I agree with being realistically optimistic. I've seen made similar posts here and sometimes guys weighing in come down hard when guys speak of love and relationship when they haven't yet met up with the guy they think they've fallen for.

I like the fact you are questioning whether or not what you'd like to happen is possible. That will keep you safe if this doesn't lead anywhere.

I'm guessing that one of the reasons you'd like this to become a relationship is because of your restrictions based on where you live. I can understand that you'd might this to work out because you wouldn't have to keep taking risks in regard to possibly outing yourself.

In addition to pursuing something with this guy, do try to develop gay friendships. That will help you have a fuller life in your home area.

 

[7-inch]

If he were to meet someone in real life, that would be evidence that it's not as serious as you both thought it might be.

On the other hand, 3 months from now if you both feel the same way, then that's also a sign that there may be the possibility of a future there.

Then my question here is, how can I keep him (because apparently I want to) without being able to actually meet him? I mean, I'm not insecure about either my body or how I look, my sole problem is that I'm unable to actually please him enough -sexually- to make sure that all his needs are met and he'll never think of someone else.

Is there even hope for this to blossom in any way? Or should I just go ahead and forget about this and treat him just the way everyone else did with me on that website?

I like the fact you are questioning whether or not what you'd like to happen is possible. That will keep you safe if this doesn't lead anywhere.

To be honest, I'm already feeling a bit let down because I had my hopes so high up and now that I view it, it just seems like I was being too dreamy. Then again, whenever he mentions a "special" thing going on between us, I'm overwhelmed with emotions. That's one nasty roller coaster I hope I can get off!

I'm guessing that one of the reasons you'd like this to become a relationship is because of your restrictions based on where you live. I can understand that you'd might this to work out because you wouldn't have to keep taking risks in regard to possibly outing yourself.

Actually, I have been trying to find someone with whom I can be in a relationship for over a year now. The problem is all I got were either people who want sex and sex only or those who are into the romantic talk, but are not serious about a relationship. I have been in touch with over 20 guys and I thought we had something going on, but bam it was nothing. I have never even thought of seeking advice about either of these previous "relationships" as I was somewhat ready to wake up and end it.

On the other hand, this one just feels so special, that's why I'm here writing all these walls of text trying to make sure that this will be the real deal.

In addition to pursuing something with this guy, do try to develop gay friendships. That will help you have a fuller life in your home area.

The problem is I'm 23 and I'm into older men, and it's not easy to befriend men who are 20 years older than you, you know. Plus, there are no gay communities where I live, so I mostly depend on virtual ones on the Internet.

 

[Sebazz]

Sometimes our imagination, like a screenwriter, will create a character that could solve all of our problems and has us convinced we can find the actor to play the part to a tee.
You have to actually get to know this stranger, he won't be perfect, there will be things about him you won't like but there might be things about him that turn out to be better than the ones you wished for. Even if he's older, you're still equals. You don't get to depend on him, he won't solve your problems for you. And if you decide to start a relationship, staying in it will be something each of you choose every single day, uncertainty is all we have.

 

[7-inch]

Sometimes our imagination, like a screenwriter, will create a character that could solve all of our problems and has us convinced we can find the actor to play the part to a tee.
You have to actually get to know this stranger, he won't be perfect, there will be things about him you won't like but there might be things about him that turn out to be better than the ones you wished for. Even if he's older, you're still equals. You don't get to depend on him, he won't solve your problems for you. And if you decide to start a relationship, staying in it will be something each of you choose every single day, uncertainty is all we have.

First of all, thanks for your reply.

Secondly, I do understand where you're coming from, especially that this is going to be my very first relationship and chances are I'm just too excited and wanting it to blossom no matter what. I do excuse this, since the way I word it could reflect that I'm being immature about it, given that I have never been in a gay relationship before.

Your advice is very helpful, and I just want to point out that I refrained from mentioning that what we're having is/can be a relationship and that we are but friends, and he is the one now starting to give me signs of interest in terms of wanting to be in a relationship with me. I do feel very happy when he says that, but I'll always bear in mind what you guys told me.

 

[KaraBulut]

Then my question here is, how can I keep him...

...pausing here for a moment to point out that you can only "keep" what you "have"...

...(because apparently I want to) without being able to actually meet him?

Here's the frank truth: you don't know this person and you don't know whether he's real or anything that is going on is real.

You can keep in touch and if things continue to develop, one or both of you can find a way to meet in person and find out whether any of this is real.

In the meantime, try to keep a level head and be realistic. Meeting on the internet is the easy part. Trying to make a relationship work in real life is much harder.