Is this love or what?!

[mightbeinlove]

Saturday: I was horny and logged on to Manhunt. Exchanged a few messages with this guy and he came over. I did not expect anything more than just to get off but this encounter has been a very confusing one. He came over and we started talking about all sorts of stuff and I realized that he was a very intelligent boy, very intellectual and we had lots in common. I thought it would be cool if we could be friends but I really didn't think much of him. After 2 hours of random talk, we got "started". LOL. Throughout the encounter, he had muttered "I am really attracted to you". I did not give him any reply because at that stage, I really wasn't sure what to say nor did I really care for him.

Sunday: He left early in the morning and I just said "I hope to see you again". He called me in the evening to chat and we decided that we should hang out on Thursday.

Monday: He called me in the afternoon and we talked on the phone for like 3 hours. Hung up. And then he called me and asked if I was doing anything that night. I said no and he invited me over. I went over, we talked random stuff and we did make out a little bit. No sex. I left after a few hours. I started to feel like he's a great guy and I was attracted to him.

Tuesday: While I was at work during the day, he sent me a text message saying he missed me and stuff like that. We spoke on the phone for like 2 hours in the afternoon and then suddenly he received a call from his family informing him that a relative has just passed away. He started feeling depressed. I was disappointed because that would mean that we had to cancel our Thursday plans as he had to go out of town. He said he would come over and spend the night at my place. On the way, his bus was caught up in traffic because another bus was involved in an accident. He called me and I started freaking out. It was a freaky afternoon. To add to that, when he got to the train station, the ticket machine declined his credit card and he was low on cash - he had to ask a total stranger for a dime to buy his ticket!!! He made it to my place. We went out to dinner and came back to my place. We started hugging and for some reason, I became emotional and started crying. I told him I was falling for him and I was scared that I will never see him again and stuff. I asked him if he felt anything and he replied "Would I be here if I did not?". He consoled me. And then it was his turn. He became emotional because we talked about his own family issues and he cried a little and it was my turn to console and help him. Then, we started making out and one thing lead to another, and during the time, he told me a few times that he really cared for me.
We went to bed and woke up the next morning.

Wednesday: He left to go home and get ready to fly out in the afternoon to the funeral. We decided on meeting up next weekend when he comes back. I spoke to him on the phone briefly this morning. I told him to call me whenever he gets a chance.

I don't know why but I really feel insecure and my mind keeps imagining things such as we won't ever see each other, or it will never work out or whatever. These thoughts worry me. What do you think?

Another thing is, his ex has been calling him a lot recently. He tells me they are totally finished but his ex has been hanging on hoping that he will change his mind. From what I hear, he sounded very disinterested but he is such a nice guy that he finds it hard to tell people off or ignore them. Nonetheless, these calls really bother me. He kept on reassuring me that there is nothing left between them.

He is moving interstate next month and we've talked about visiting each other. I will be returning overseas in the next few months. We are both closeted. He is 19, I am 25.

Is this love? Or have I gone nuts?

 

[jetsonboy]

It's not love for heaven's sake you've known each other for how many days???

 

[silentalk]

Well, I can't say for sure. But I'm one of those who believe in love at first sight. Whatever it is, it made me smile!

Stop worrying. Worrying with a solid reason is natural. Worrying without apparent reason (as in your case) is unhealthy. Over do it and you'll lose him. Just relax and think positively!

 

[12fear99]

Wow man. I has been a quick few days for the both of you. It seems like you are both interested in each other. It will take time. I believe love is long term and gets deeper with time. You may be lusting for him now. You guys do enjoy each others company very much. That is just wonderful. See where it goes and keep communication open with him. Good Luck.

 

[rareboy]

Sounds promising.

 

[Lube]

Beware of that empty bank account.

Otherwise it sounds like you guys hit it off pretty well.

 

[Soilwork]

Fuck dude... do you have to know how the movie is going to end to enjoy it?

just enjoy the ride.. don't rush it... don't think too far ahead... this is the fun part... when it's all fresh and new.

 

[mightbeinlove]

Thanks guys. I guess I will just have to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

I must admit that I was getting a little concerned that I have not heard from him today - he usually sends me a text message by noon - but I guess he must be busy taking care of things for the funeral and what not.

For easy illustration, let's call the guy I am pining for PJ and his ex boyfriend XBF.

They have broken up for over two months but XBF calls PJ almost everyday to check on him. Every time he calls, PJ would sound irritated and disinterested but stops short of yelling at him or telling him to 'F*** off'. PJ would ignore his calls sometimes but he would not give up and would call again and again until he answers.

PJ told me he is totally over XBF but his ex still thinks they can get back together.

When XBF called when we first "hooked up" on Saturday, I didn't really give a damn. But the subsequent calls do really bother me.

I guess I can take comfort at the fact that PJ does not move away from me and go into another room to speak with him nor does PJ whisper to him on the phone.

Tuesday night, the last time I saw PJ this week. He called three times while we were at dinner but PJ ignored his calls but I told him to answer it. He did, told XBF he was at dinner and XBF interrogated him. PJ just said TTYL and hung up.

Early the next morning at about 4am, XBF called and asked PJ if he got home OK. I didn't hear the conversation because I was in the bathroom but when I came out - Isaw him on the phone. PJ told me it was XBF. I guess it's a good sign that he did not lie. I told PJ I was scared of all these phone calls.

He told me he had told XBF that he was with me and he did not go home last night.

XBF called a few more times, but PJ decided to put his phone on silent and not answer them. He reassured me (many times) that there was nothing left between him and XBF. PJ told me he had just told XBF to "F*** off" and we still don't understand why someone could be as thick faced as XBF and not take the hint and disappear!

I know that PJ has difficulty expressing himself sometimes but I also cannot help feeling insecure here.

What do you think?

 

[mightbeinlove]

Beware of that empty bank account.

Otherwise it sounds like you guys hit it off pretty well.

Oh, we found out later that night that the bank had frozen his account because there was a fraudulent transaction. He did have money in the account.

 

[Lube]

I had to go back and re-read your ages. You are obsessing about him as if you are the one who's 19 and he's the one who's 25. Relax.

Well, in normal circumstances you should just relax. But you say that he's moving out of state and you're going overseas soon? Wow, that's not likely to work. Enjoy it while it lasts, but it seems like a temporary romance at best.

I'm guessing you haven't had many bf's, since you're closeted. You need to obsess less over each bf, especially at the beginning.*

The XBF situation is a little weird. He really does need to tell XBF to fuck off now. He was polite for a while, but it's time to move beyond politeness when you're dating someone else.

And then there's the whole rebound issue. Eh, just see where it goes.

*--Do as I say and not as I do. I've know a guy for 3 weeks, and this is the second weekend I'm driving 2.5 hours at midnight to visit him for a couple days at a time. Of course last weekend he drove 2.5 hours to visit me, and subsequently took 2 days off work so we could be together. Maybe we need an OCD forum.

 

[silentalk]

Trust is one of the main basis for a relationship. Without it, a relationship will never work. You need to relax more. Insecurity will only lead to all kinds of wrong behavior.

I understand your situation, I'd probably be as scared as you are. But at some point, it's important to control the fear, otherwise, I'll never have a lasting relationship.

And how long will you be away?

Remember... if you love him, let the emotion of love dominate you, not fear. What's happening is that you love him, but you have different emotions mixed up with it! Please, just enjoy it

All the best!

 

[954dude]

Go easy. Its not love yet, but there's an emotional attachment developing here. Cherish each other and use your mind, not just your heart or body.

 

[mightbeinlove]

I am trying my very best to take it easy and to not let fear overcome me - but it sure is a challenge! I guess it is true that most things are easier said than done.

He did call me today and we spoke for a little while.

 

[12fear99]

Just see where it goes. Do not rush into anything. It just might be a lasting friendship. It does seem that you enjoy talking with him.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's moving a bit fast. Slow down and get to know him before you get much further into this.

 

[youngnihilist]

easy.. chilll......

 

[mightbeinlove]

I sent him a text message Friday morning reminding him not to get too upset about his family. He told me about his issues when we last spoke on Thursday afternoon.

I did not hear from him all day yesterday and that nearly killed me. I did refrain from pestering him with more texts or calling him. I kept reminding myself that he is with family in a small town dealing with a funeral so obviously there must be lots going on and he probably did not have 'space' to call me.

I guess I'm just being paranoid. Sigh.....

 

[confusedboy23]

It does sound like there are sparks flying and I can totally relate to you because I know it too well - It's not easy to take it easy! You are doing great and I wish you the best.

 

[ejbonk]

Is this Love or Lust? To be or Not to be? That is the question. ...............William Shakespeare.


The age old Question,as old as time it's self.

Let's Just say it's a little of both and wait and see,what does developes on down this road called life.

 

[confusedboy23]

Is this Love or Lust? To be or Not to be? That is the question. ...............William Shakespeare.


The age old Question,as old as time it's self.

Let's Just say it's a little of both and wait and see,what does developes on down this road called life.

I suppose this journey would have been a lot easier if things were a little more clear cut.

I do feel for mightbeinlove because I'm sure he would be at a lost right now - not knowing when is it appropriate to text/call him, and what is considered to be "too much" that would scare him away. The "waiting" game is another killer too!!!

Sigh......we're all traveling down the road called 'life'.