Issue with Step Brother and now Brother

[UNOBizStudent]

Ok,

I don't want this to go into any weird direction. I have a problem and it has me worried. Of course I'm gay and came out to my parents in 1998. My mom kept it from my little brother along time. He just found out and he's been acting out ever since he found out. I've tried to talk to him but he will not listen. My mom talked to her therapist who told her that he might be acting out to prove that he isn't gay. In my honest opinion I know he is straight but with a step father who is an asshole i can understand him being upset and acting out. My mom wishes he never acted out. She is concerned he is actively trying to have sex to prove he is straight (he is 16 btw). I'm concerned about him doing something stupid and getting some girl pregnant or worse getting a disease. The only person he will listen to is my step brother and that opens a whole other can of worms.

My step brother, 25, is having his own issues right now. He is bi/questioning. He keeps email me asking me to hook him up with a guy so he can try it out but then emails me back saying he feels guilty and tells me to forget it because he has a kid now and can't be thinking about that kind of stuff. He's gotten some russian girl pregnant and had a kid. Now they are getting married so she can stay in the country and I'm afraid he's gonna do something stupid as well. It feels like a bad episode of Jerry Springer. Does anyone have any advice?


I'm really worried they both are gonna get them selves in such a big mess and i wanna help stop it if I can.

 

[spreadeagle]

It is not your responsibility to parent your siblings. Possibly there is a relationship between your Mother's decision to keep your sexual orientation secret from your brother (as if it were something shameful or unusual) and his reaction now.

At 16 I assume you brother is above the age of consent? If so, then leave a supply of condoms under his pillow and ignore his tantrums.

You are not your stepbrother's pimp. I suggest you explain that to him in a letter (or face-to-face) and suggest to him that if he's having doubts about his sexual orientation then pre-marital counselling is appropriate. it may well be that his fiancee's main objective is to gain citizenship and marriage may just be a means to an end for her.

There is nothing to be gained by encouraging your brother to look to your step-brother as a role model.
Where are the father and step-father in this equation and why aren't they fulfilling their parental responsibilities? To reiterate: that is not your job.

 

[racer2438]

you cant help people that dont want help. You take care of yourself, give advise when asked and support. but if they wont listen to you know maybe wait a bit and let it calm down.

Do not hook up your other bro , he's old enough to fend for him self, stay away from that. You just be you and gone on. give your mom a hug for her support.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

It feels like a bad episode of Jerry Springer. Does anyone have any advice?

Make sure that you are no part of it.

Spreadeagle hit the nail on the head. Family as they may be, their intimate lives are theirs on an individual level and have nothing to do with you.

SC

 

[UNOBizStudent]

Thanks for the advice,

I've been standing back this long as the drama unfolds. Being about 35 miles away helps. I just hate seeing them fuck up their lives over stupid bullshit.

 

[Eagle653]

I've been standing back this long as the drama unfolds. Being about 35 miles away helps. I just hate seeing them fuck up their lives over stupid bullshit.

Yeah, that's true. One of the hardest things in life is standing back and watching a train wreck occur right before your eyes.

Nevertheless, the I think spreadeagle nailed it. Sometimes we just can't be the rescuer and rescue people (even family) from themselves. Besides, if it backfired, you'd be the first everyone blamed.

In your own way, let everyone know you love them and are there for them.

Good luck to you!

 

[gordor5]

Tell your brother to calm his ass down and tell your step brother to find a dude on his own

 

[G-Lexington]

You can offer advice, but do so without leaping into the tar baby.

Your brother's issues are his own. If he feels the need to impregnate women to show his heterosexuality, there's not a lot you can do about it. That all stems from his own warped views on what homosexuality and heterosexuality are - it has nothing to do with you personally.

Your stepbrother is in his own world. If you want to set him up, fine and dandy, but if not, just tell him "just search around online - it's not that difficult" (because it isn't).

Lex

 

[rareboy]

I'm with everyone who thinks you should just ignore both of them as much as possible. Your sexuality is not their problem. The reverse is true.

 

[UNOBizStudent]

Thanks to you all. I just told my step-brother that I am here for him if he needs to talk but I will not be his hookup source. I suggested he delay getting married until he gets his life in order but if he wants to go forward with it i'll be there for him and anytime he needs support.

As for my little brother I'm staying totally out of it. I bought him a box of condoms and just left them in his room with a note saying "don't be an idiot" My step brother and him are closer than we are. I asked my step brother to talk to him and let him know they could turn to each other.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Don't get despondent over these family issues. Things like that happen in many families.
Your kid brother could just be going through just one of those phases teenagers and young men frequently experience.
Not everyone takes to the gay lifestyle like ducks take to water. Your step brother could be scared and apprehensive and might be relying on you to make a safe choice for him. I wouldn't be a procurer for him either, but perhaps you could to him to the bars, or a party or a gay event with you. It might make him feel a little more comfortable with our lifestyle.
I hope they both find the path which is right for them.