It's not worth it anymore.

[rareboy]

@KaraBulut,

No need for a snarky reply.

I clearly explained in the first line of my original post (at the top), that "I am Indian-American (my parents came to the US from India)...."

So I don't understand how that would be confusing, even if you're not from the US.

Interesting.

You missed the subtlety and humour in Kara's reply.

Is this part of your issue?

Are you perhaps lacking in humour and ability to enjoy humour of others?

Are you taking it all solemnly instead of just seriously...or not seriously at all?

Some of the guys I have know with the best sex life and more friends than I could count come from Indian parentage. And some of them are frankly over weight.

But they do the most with what they have. some of them actually sparkle with wit and style and some are just really great, nice guys.

You need friends. Not just lovers.

As others have suggested, get yourself out there and get involved in something that allows you to be a social being without partying all the time.

Put some real effort into your appearance.

Practice smiling and making pleasant conversation with everyone you may meet.

Start exercising and going to the gym. Don't be worried about being out of shape. Most places have members who appreciate that someone is trying and who knows, one of them might just be a good bud.

Press on.

I was over 25 before I found my partner of the last 28 years.

 

[scream4ever]

Let me say this: It's always when you least expect it is when things change for the better.

Last year I had my heart broken by a guy. I then started going to the bars to meet someone. One Saturday a guy came up to me and said that he thought I was cute. We then started talking, one thing led to another, and we ended up in a relationship for 6 months. We are currently taking a break and might get back together in the future, but at the very least I now have a best friend for life.

 

[eikapika]

Give the dating websites like OKCupid or Match a shot. There are a *lot* of "fat" so cal gays with questionable social/partying skills out there. They even meet once a year at Disneyland and call it "Gay Days"! (lots of fun btw)
I know several couples in So Cal who are just like you (along with bitterly borderline-tolerating parents) so it's very possible. Just stay away from things like CL because the people you want to meet aren't on there either.

 

[MorrisseyX]

I am not sure some posters truly understand the stress that gay people of colour encounter in relation to coming out. I am out to my family and I am a black gay man but it is hard. It definitely feel for queers of colour and being a "double minority" is different than a white gay person coming out.

I remember coming out and going to a gay bar and thinking to myself "wow there's a lot of white people here I don't think this is for me." It took me years to find my black gay community and find myself.

I suggest the OP maybe read books, join a group for gays of colour or gay Indians, or look for internet websites specifically for gay Indians. In Toronto, we have a lot of gay clubs and groups for queers of colour. I imagine LA must have something the OP can check out.

I am a part of a gay black men's group and I love it! It is important for me to be around my own people that are also black and gay.

I tried the mainstream gay groups and I am not saying the white guys at those groups were not nice people.

I am just saying I couldn't really relate to them on some issues due to our racial and cultural differences.

And I think the OP should try and look to find a community he can be comfortable in. There has got to be

some gay people of colour group in Los Angeles.

I think it important for the OP to be around his own people to find strength from other queer South Asians and see that he can be gay, Indian, and proud too.

I don't think some posters understand the issue the Op is discussing in relation to race, sexual orientation, and culture.

The white North American culture produces this narrative that gays and lesbians should come out and it is a liberating experience.

However, in the real world for queers of colour for us that is not the case.
In some communities of colour gay people are scorned and ostacized because our community members think we are trying to act like white folks.

For gay people of colour we have a lot to lose not just our family but also our places in our OWN communities.

So I commend the OP for coming out to his family that takes a lot of guts.

And I think some posters need to be a bit more sensitive to the concerns of the OP. For queers of colour it is much tougher I feel to come out as gay and risk losing our positions in our own communities. And that's the reason so many gay people of colour choose to live a double life. They don't want to risk losing their families, their culture, their people, their communities.

The mainstream queer community isn't so tolerant or open minded sometimes of people that are not white. And that's something that is an on going issue in queer communities in North America.

It isn't so easy for a gay person of colour to just come out and find a place in society. It's hard and I think people need to be a bit more sensitive.

 

[Charmander]

Just stay away from things like CL because the people you want to meet aren't on there either.

I resent that...