It's Tough To Meet Dudes, Dude.

[Nomenclature]

I'm attracted to the "guy next door" type. For the past few years, now i've been looking for guys who fits the following description: 20-27 years old, 5'5"-5'10" in height; weighing anywhere from 130-185 lbs; smart, funny personality and someone I can enjoy carrying a conversation with.

Sounds pretty average, right? I really don't consider myself a shallow guy. However, I look at local gay networking/"hook-up" sites often, and it seems like most of the guys are 37-56 years old, well over six-feet tall, significantly overweight, and married but looking to cheat. Now, i'm not trying to be offensive here, but i'm just personally not attracted to those types of guys. It's fine if you're this type of guy, and it's fine if you're someone who's attracted to this type of guy, but I personally am not. A lot of people aren't attracted to someone who fits my description, either. That's okay. It doesn't mean that we hate each other.


Over the past few years, I have actually run into a very small number of gay men who fit my ideal description, but for whatever reason, they had a VERY bitchy, hateful, gossipy personality. What's the deal with that?




Where the hell are the average guys with good personalities?!

 

[Corny]

in what kind of town do you live?

 

[onetwothreefour]

When you want to date someone in the abstract it's very different from actually dating someone. In the first situation it's just you, in the second it's you and another actual human being. And it's not someone you created from scratch, with certain properties. It's an already existing person. For the most part you can't control that person. You can at the outset say I won't take you in if you're 6 foot or aren't some other metric, but even if a person passed all those tests, it would still be another live, real, human being.

I just don't think people who really want to date another real person have the mindset of specific measurements of that person. Realistically, people know it will never work that way. You will meet a specific individual with unique features and a unique life story and identity. I would guess that is what you are afraid of. You admittedly want a generic person. I mean you say next door neighbor. But what does your next door neighbor actually look like? There is no such thing as a generic example of a human being in the real world, only in abstraction. It's a fine place to be. I'm not attacking. I don't want to date right now myself.

 

[MascutarHero]

Are you out?
I think being out would make it a lot easier if you're not

 

[Nomenclature]

Are you out?
I think being out would make it a lot easier if you're not

My family knows, and i've come out to a lot of (gay) guys and attempted to strike up conversation/friendship/support/whathaveyou. Not sure if you want me to go into a bunch of details, but it always seems to wind up in a lot of drama on their part.

 

[baroner32]

Get off the hook-up sites and onto the dating sites (PoF, OKCupid, etc.).

 

[KaraBulut]

However, I look at local gay networking/"hook-up" sites often, and it seems like most of the guys are 37-56 years old, well over six-feet tall, significantly overweight, and married but looking to cheat.

Well, if you go to the dollar store, you shouldn't be too surprised that you find a lot things that cost a dollar.

A lot of the more popular "hookup" sites are for people looking for quick, NSA encounters.

Where the hell are the average guys with good personalities?!

They're working. They're going to school. They're busy living their lives. You have to go to them. You can't expect them to come to you.

This means getting out and meeting people. This means not judging people by the way they look or the way they act.

Guys who are not "20-27 years old, 5'5"-5'10" in height; weighing anywhere from 130-185 lbs" do have friends who are. But as long as you're excluding people who don't fit this narrow profile, you're going to meet fewer people and you may be missing out on the largest majority of guys who are "average guys with good personalities".

 

[callen89]

Besides the fact that the type of town you live in might be affecting the pool of gay men, you NEED to GET OUT and MEET PEOPLE.

The best advice that I have read, not sure if it was a reply to a post of mine or to someone else in respect to getting out and dating, is this. The more you put yourself out there and meet new people the more chance you'll have at meeting the "guy next door" that your looking for. You have a chance to meet a lot of people, people that will be life long friends and quite possibly a life long partner. But you cant just pick and choose people to talk to based on a cookie cutter archetype that you have set in your mind, you never know the next friend you make at a bar or in some other social setting, may have a friend that you will be really interested in. But you'll never know unless you get out there and meet new people.

So get out there and start meeting new interesting people!

 

[palbert]

You won't ever meet "Mr. Perfect" until you stop restricting yourself to your metrics.

Get out and meet people. But don't pre-eliminate someone because he doesn't meet some standard.

Have you considered that your standard may be a defense mechanism so as to keep you from getting involved?

 

[Ganoderma]

My family knows, and i've come out to a lot of (gay) guys and attempted to strike up conversation / friendship / support/ whathaveyou. Not sure if you want me to go into a bunch of details, but it always seems to wind up in a lot of drama on their part.

?????

So are you open or not? Are you happy or not? Are you relaxed & comfortable with your own sexual identity?

Is everyone in your surroundings (work, family, leisure, sports etc) aware that you are 'available' (ie a single gay who is 'looking around')?

Thanks in advance for a reply.

 

[rareboy]

Snap out of it.

Get off-line.

The guys of your dreams, as has been pointed out, are not likely advertising on hook-up sites.

And if you are going to call them Dude, please be ready for some polite but emphatic rejections.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, are you the kind of guy a 20-27 year old, 5'5"-5'10" in height; weighing anywhere from 130-185 lbs; smart, funny personality and someone you can enjoy carrying a conversation, kind of guy is going to find attractive?

Have you met a lot of guys? Net doesn't count. Why not back burner the boyfriend hunt and work on making yourself the hottest and best guy you can be while cultivating a diverse and rewarding circle of friends?

I generally am not all that enthused by guys who are spending all their time and focus in the pursuit of "relationship." I'd much rather have several really fun dates with guys who know how to relax and have a good time than a series of dates with one guy that feel like job interviews.

Stop focusing on what you're looking for and start focusing on being the best guy you can be.

 

[MoltenRock III]

So if you're only getting guys you aren't attracted to on your online sites, why do you keep going there month after month, and year after year expecting something different to magically happen?

 

[TX-Beau]

Einstein defined insanity as repeatedly doing the same thing expecting different results

 

[hotatlboi]

Do you live in a city? If so try bars or clubs. I've met a lot of hot guys in clubs that I've never seen on any of the online sites.

 

[Nomenclature]

And if you are going to call them Dude, please be ready for some polite but emphatic rejections.

I won't be. It's just a bad title for a bad thread.

Well, are you the kind of guy a 20-27 year old, 5'5"-5'10" in height; weighing anywhere from 130-185 lbs; smart, funny personality and someone you can enjoy carrying a conversation, kind of guy is going to find attractive?

No; i'm ugly. ('_')

I generally am not all that enthused by guys who are spending all their time and focus in the pursuit of "relationship."

I'm not exactly pursuing a relationship. I agree with you: It's creepy as hell when someone tries to contrive a relationship with someone. I just haven't met any decent guys yet.

So if you're only getting guys you aren't attracted to on your online sites, why do you keep going there month after month, and year after year expecting something different to magically happen?

Well, first of all, because there are new people on those every once in awhile. I mostly check out of entertainment/curiosity.

Do you live in a city? If so try bars or clubs. I've met a lot of hot guys in clubs that I've never seen on any of the online sites.

Nah, not a very good nightlight around here. There are a few bars, but they're all straight.

 

[Seasoned]

Are all the age appropriate guys in your area moving away for school and then staying away, or are all the good guys already taken? It's a bitch living in an area from which gay guys flee.

 

[Raincoat Massacre]

If you want to meet nice guys try Dlist.com. It's actually pretty clean and a little like a gay facebook.