Ive done the ridiculous and fallen for someone in already in a relationship..

[rareboy]

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy....

If he's cheating on her, he's gonna cheat on you.

If he is really gay and just using the woman as a beard, shame on him. If he's screwing her, he's bi and he's gonna break your heart.

Tell him that he has to choose. I suspect he'll drop you but he would in the long run anyway.

If the sex is amazing, wait awhile before you give him the ultimatum. You might as well have some fun while it lasts.

Good luck mate.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>why should it be me, i'm doing nothing wrong and its not fair.

You're fucking a guy who has a girlfriend. A girlfriend who doesn't know that you're fucking her boyfriend.

I consider that something wrong.

Lex

 

[LittleDove]

Can't add much to the advice rareboy has given you, but...

has anyone had an experience like this before?

Yup. It went fine up until the point he came over one day to hand-deliver an invitation to their wedding.

 

[pocono]

Tommy,

Don't kick yourself in the ass too hard. Love is hard to find...but when you find it...wham! Now the question is...What are you going to do about it? Clearly he likes you too as he is coming around more often.

Talk with him.

You just never know.

 

[rnailsone]

Can't add much to the advice rareboy has given you, but...



Yup. It went fine up until the point he came over one day to hand-deliver an invitation to their wedding.

Same here LittleDove I fell for a guy and we started getting closer and closer then one day he invited me to his wedding I was crushed.... But the sad part was he was pissed at me because I didnt go to the wedding

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

I can't help but notice a double-standard here. It's okay to sleep with a guy who has a girlfriend but when someone here posts about getting cheated on the cheater is blacklisted.

But it's just a girl so it's, like, totally okay.

I can't possibly imagine why you'd fall head over heels for someone who has a girlfriend and, in the end, is probably going to leave you to pursue a normal life. The train is coming but people are encourage you to continue dancing on the tracks.

 

[sdmister4]

So i need a dose of reality, am i being stupid in thinking that i can be with him?
has anyone had an experience like this before?
should i end it now before it gets too complicated? (although i dont want to, im still hopeing it goes my way)

no
yes
yes

no-you're not being stupid, your heart wants what your heart wants and your brain just has to tag along for the ride..though to stop it you do need to get your brain in there and thats not always easy to do

yes-closet cases end badly, worst pain of my life those years he couldnt decide if he was gay or straight. i finally ended it after i was so fed up that the very thought of him made me nauseous. we cant be friends-i dont like to use the word hate, but i think it comes close, and that in itself is sad.

yes-well, my previous yes kinda explains this one.

dont worry though, there are better catches out there than closet cases.

 

[G-Lexington]

Hey, if you don't mind being "the other guy", so be it. But you're the one who claimed you weren't doing anything wrong, and how unfair it all is.

If you want him all to yourself, you can give him an ultimatum. Tel him you won't be "the other guy", and you won't be his action on his side. If he wants to take up exclusively with you, fine, but otherwise, you're done.

That said, I think we both know that ain't gonna happen. You know which one he'll pick.

Lex

 

[Lube]

He's using you and he's using her. I don't see what you're getting out of this, other than sex. There is no relationship here.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

He's using you and he's using her. I don't see what you're getting out of this, other than sex. There is no relationship here.

 

[Eagle653]

tommyharley, it happens. You aren't the first guy who's fallen for a guy who's involved with a woman, but has that little dark secret out there.

You know, as well as anyone, that you're taking a bit of a risk here. If you feel you have a chance, and if you feel he can commit to you, then you might want to fight for the love you feel.

If, though, he is using her to pass as straight, or is bisexual enough to prefer women most of the time, then he probably cannot commit to you in the way you can to him, which will lead to ever-mounting frustrations.

You need to have a heart to heart talk with him. Your feelings are already raw, so lay it on the line. Ask to know where you stand, and how he feels about you vs. her. If he "doesn't know" or is "confused" then run for your life. Those answers are basically the same (to you) as saying he's not interested. You'll be on the mother of all roller coasters staying involved with someone who "doesn't know" or is "confused."

Good luck to you. In a way, you're in a no-win situation. Somebody is going to get hurt, I'm afraid. If you're the one without a chair with the music stops, then move on and find someone who can commit and return your love.

 

[looseliam]

I just don't see how someone can think the other can be faithful when one already knows he has a track record of cheating.

Let us say, for now, he leaves here and you two become an item. Will you be able to trust he's not out shagging someone else??

 

[spencer]

It could be worse, you could have fallen for a completely straight guy with a girlfriend

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Errr i never said what i was doing was okay. I said it was selfish on my part for wanting him to choose me over her. Thats not okay, but i dont care. Im not the one doing anything wrong by cheating. Ive fallen for the guy and why should i be the one to lose out.

You've fallen in love with a closet case who has a girlfriend, you already lost out brother. You played yourself and now you're scrambling for a way to come out on top. A blind paraplegic has a better chance of beating Michael Jordan at HORSE than you have coming out of this with anything other than memories.

You're right, he should be blacklisted, he should make the choice but he hasnt so i have to deal with it how i do, by pretending i dont know he's in a relationship.

You don't HAVE to deal with it, you CHOOSE to. You put yourself in this situation and nothing we say is going to get you out of it. There aren't any magic potions, there isn't any secret sex trick that will turn him out. In the real world, outside this computer screen, guys like him tend to go for the easier life which is the girlfriend.

He is irrelevant, what I hope for is that common sense will eventually come knocking on your door, followed by a little indifference so you'll be able to get over this guy expediently without developing hang-ups that will carry over into the next relationship.

 

[sdmister4]

It could be worse, you could have fallen for a completely straight guy with a girlfriend

naw, i think this situation is worse, at least a fully straight guy doesnt lead you on and toy with you

You've fallen in love with a closet case who has a girlfriend, you already lost out brother. You played yourself and now you're scrambling for a way to come out on top. A blind paraplegic has a better chance of beating Michael Jordan at HORSE than you have coming out of this with anything other than memories.



You don't HAVE to deal with it, you CHOOSE to. You put yourself in this situation and nothing we say is going to get you out of it. There aren't any magic potions, there isn't any secret sex trick that will turn him out. In the real world, outside this computer screen, guys like him tend to go for the easier life which is the girlfriend.

He is irrelevant, what I hope for is that common sense will eventually come knocking on your door, followed by a little indifference so you'll be able to get over this guy expediently without developing hang-ups that will carry over into the next relationship.

^put a little harsher than i'd say it but its the unfortunate reality

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

naw, i think this situation is worse, at least a fully straight guy doesnt lead you on and toy with you

True, I imagine it'd be much easier to deal with if it were a definite "no." That "maybe" is always a killer.

It sucks to read this 'cuz Tommy was my Ace Boone when I first started posting regularly. I hope he comes outta this unscathed 'cuz he's always seemed like a sweetheart. Like they say, you shouldn't make someone a priority when you're just an option to them.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Tommy,

A healthy dose of reality? Well ok, but you know you dont need it mate. You know the answer to your question and you know what most guys will say.

You mate have always had your head screwed on, you've always seen the good and right in people. You've always lead by example and often dragged most of us back to the truth either deliberately or by accident. I'm not sure you realise the sort of example you set by the life you lead and the values you hold.

So this for me mate is a little out of character. Right now you are thinking with your little head.

Is it wrong? Well thats up to you to decide. You cant ignore it - thats not you and you know that too. But you've found something good and you want to hang on to it like crazy - and I cant blame you.

But at the end of the day Tommy, when he goes, where does he go? To whom does he go? And why does he go there?

Hes playing you, using you, and making you second best.

Man up mate. You deserve better, are worth better and want more. You dont need to be second fiddle and while you wait around to see who this guy chooses to lay with you loose all power and equality.

More than that mate your the one with the guilty conscience? And that Tommy says a whole lot more about you than it does him.

 

[rareboy]

^ We can't always help who we are attracted to.

From what you write, he actually has an emotional as well as sexual attraction to you. So at least you have the satisfaction of knowing that it will hurt him too when it ends.

Good lord though, you deserve a good guy if anyone does.

 

[Lube]

We all like to think we're special enough to change people, but unfortunately people usually have bigger issues than we can solve.

Glad you're seeing things more clearly now.

 

[G-Lexington]

I didn't mean to be overly harsh. Fact is - most of us tend to idealize the guys we grow attached to. So "that annoying cackle" becomes "that cute little laugh", and his skin-'n-boniness means "he's really fit". And heaven knows I thought my first boyfriend would suddenly realize that he needed to change his ways, and then everything would be sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. But of course, he didn't.

As I said, you do have a choice. You can cut him clean, or you can be his action on the side. But, and I say this with complete sincerity, Tommy...

...you deserve better.

And not in some abstract, imaginary way. There IS a guy out there, who wants to be your boyfriend, and nobody else's. Who won't have a girl on the side, or make you feel second-best. But you won't find him hooked up to this guy.

Lex